


A Question of Truth

by KrisWolf



Series: The Questions series [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU Sterek, Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Crazy Peter Hale, Creepy Uncle Peter Hale, Different werewolf mythology, Evil Papa Lahey, Kissing, Lydia Martin & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Minor Character Death, Mystery, No Hale Fire, POV Stiles, PTSD Stiles, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Derek Hale, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Skinwalker, The Hales are still dead, Wolf Derek, native american folklore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-04-05 04:57:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 89,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4166829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisWolf/pseuds/KrisWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four weeks after A Question of Trust, Stiles finds himself struggling with what happened and trying to protect everybody around him while keeping up with his new training schedule. His mother is also back in town and he doesn't want anything to do with her, until they are forced together when skinwalkers start experiencing a mysterious illness no one seems to be able to cure and a friend of Stiles falls ill. Will Stiles be able to save Beacon Hills yet again or will his new found happiness be ruined when Derek seems to know more than he is telling him?</p><p>The 3rd part is being posted, please check it out <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Life Today

**Author's Note:**

> Hallo everybody :) I am SO SORRY for the delay, I didn't expect life to actually come in the way, but I am planning on posting regularly from now on, so I hope that makes up for it. This chapter pretty much deals with Stiles trying to come to terms with what happened and everything going on in his life, which is pretty much to catch up on some of the development during the four weeks I have skipped. 
> 
> If anyone has any questions about the plot please just ask away, but most of them will probably be answered if you either read A Question of Trust or if you follow the storyline in the next couple of chapters.  
> I hope you will continue to post comments and leave kudos, because honestly, they make my day and let me know if you need me to add any tags or warnings.
> 
> Stay safe you lovely people <3
> 
>  
> 
> I don't own Teen Wolf or the characters

Two months ago, I never thought this would be my life. Two months ago, I thought panic attacks and psychologist appointments were things of the past, but, at the same time, I never thought my relationship with my dad to be anything but horrible or that I would be dating anybody, let alone the hottest guy I have ever seen in my life. Right now, my life feels better and worse at the same time and I have no idea what to do with that feeling.

Today, four weeks after the night where we prevented a worldwide disaster, I realize the aftermath of that night hit me slowly. I never imagined being haunted by the imagines of Kate and Gerard Argent dying and I never thought I spend my afternoons training to become a Hunter either. It feels like I am living someone else’s life and I don’t know what to do with it.

It feels like ages ago I sat down in the ridiculously large armchair with my legs crossed in Ms. Morrell’s office for the first time, because it turns out that she is a lot more than just a librarian. Apparently, she has some weirdass supernatural psychology degree from a university I have no idea if any normal person would ever believe is actually real. I am not sure I do, but she seems to know what she is doing and Deaton trusts her, so I guess that means I trust her too.

During that first session, I didn’t really feel like I was talking about anything relevant. I was just talking and I don’t think I really understood how much I needed that at the time. How much I needed someone I could just tell everything to without worrying about saying too much or too little.

“Now, Stiles, your mother has been back in town for almost a month. How are you feeling about having her in your life again?”

“Honestly, I don’t want her to be a part of my life and I don’t want to talk about it or her…”

“You have to understand that I am not going to pressure you concerning your mother, Stiles, but you need to deal whatever you are feeling about the subject, no matter if it is positive or negative.”

I understand where she is coming from, hell, I know she is right and it pisses me off, because I don’t want her to be. I don’t think I am ready to handle the feelings that my mother brings up after all these years. A huge part of me wishes she would have just stayed away, because it would have made my life a hell of a lot easier.

“The last time, we spoke a little about your relationship with Derek, how are you doing?”

“I think we are good… I mean I haven’t really done this relationship thing before, so I don’t have a lot of experience… but I guess you don’t usually have to worry about your dad actually shooting your boyfriend, but my dad is taking the whole protective thing to an entirely new level because he is trying to compensate for not being a part of my life and it doesn’t help that my boyfriend is a few years older than me.”

“This is actually something I wanted to talk to you about. There is a large age difference between the two of you that you don’t usually find with two people this young, so do you think it is affecting your relationship?”

“I don’t think so. I mean I don’t care, but… it matters to other people, so I guess in some way, yeah, it is affecting our relationship. It is hard not to be affected by it, but… a small part of me is scared that it matters more to Derek than it does to me…”

“What makes you think that?”

“He is older than me… more experienced… and I mean, have you seen him? He pretty much looks like one of those Greeks Gods and I am… _me.”_

“What do you mean by that?”

I understand that a psychologist is supposed to ask the questions you don’t want to answer, because they are supposed to help you face them, but I hate talking about this. I hate talking about myself and my insecurities, but even if I know nobody wakes up feeling great every morning, I know I have more insecurities than most.

“I am an almost eighteen year old teenager, who hasn’t really gotten past his awkward period yet, so yeah I don’t feel comfortable looking in the mirror. It isn’t exactly a secret, but who wants to be reminded of everything they feel secure about? I just avoid it…”

“Has Derek made any complaints?”

“No… No, he has been great, really great actually.”

It’s hard not to smile whenever I think about Derek. It makes me feel ridiculous, but whenever he smiles that little smile, it just makes me impossibly happy. It makes me want to make him smile over and over again, because he deserves to be happy. I know I pretty much sound like a crazy stalker person or maybe just a person head over heels in love, but I don’t care. What so wrong about being happy that someone else is happy?

“You have made comments about your relationship with your father improving over the past few weeks, are you still moving forward with that?”

“We _are_ better… we are talking more, which is a huge improvement. We didn’t really, before. But I don’t think he knows how he is supposed to handle the fact that my mother is back, though. He kind of stays away whenever he knows she is going to be around and he literally ran away the one time they were in a hundred feet radius of each other and he wasn’t subtle about it. I don’t really blame him for avoiding her though.”

“How do you think your mother is handling that?”

“Honestly, I don’t know and I don’t care. She made the decision to leave and even if she thought she was ‘saving us’, it doesn’t make it better. It doesn’t just go away because she wants it to and I don’t think she deserves to be a part of our life.”

“What do you think made you resent her?”

“The woman took my childhood away from me by leaving. She destroyed whatever family I had and left me to fend for myself without any kind of explanation. You can’t make that up to someone no matter how much you want to try. You just can’t.”

“Do you think things would have better if she had stayed?”

“I don’t know… if she could leave us the way she did, not looking back, I mean things can’t have been good between them, because how do you just leave your own child and the man you love behind without a word? I don’t even know what that says about her as a person…”

“There is only one person who can answer that question, Stiles, and you are not talking to her.”

Despite how it occasionally feels, Ms. Morrell knows when to push and when to back off. This is one of those times where it is best for everyone if she backs off and pretends to take notes while my mind settles. My emotions feel so raw and exposed, I am grateful she doesn’t push deeper, because I am not sure I wouldn’t break.

“How are you handling the training and your new abilities?”

“At this point, I am seriously considering if this whole Hunter thing might be a fluke, because I feel like all I am doing is getting my ass handed to me by a very scary selling badass. It really doesn’t help that he happens to be the son/brother of the two people who were hell-bent on killing me four weeks ago or that he happens to be the father of my best friend’s girlfriend who is scary as hell when she gets her hands on a bow.”

“So you don’t feel comfortable with Chris teaching you?”

“I am not really uncomfortable… but it just feels like I am not moving forward. It feels like I am stuck being uncoordinated klutz who falls over his own legs more than he lands a blow, but I don’t know if I really expected that to change. I mean I have always been a danger to myself, but it’s frustrating because everybody expects me to be… _more_ and I can’t be.”

The expression on her face reminds me of my grandma whenever I would complain about something utterly ridiculous as a child and I know I am being ridiculous, but it doesn’t stop it from being frustrating as hell when you disappoint the people who are counting on you.

“Stiles, you have been practicing _for under a month_ , nobody expects you to be a prodigy even if you happen to be an Aleksy. You don’t have to be perfect. Nobody is.”

I take a deep breathe, because it is hard to really believe it, even if I know it is true. Sometimes the truth isn’t easy to wrap your head around and I still have problems really understanding what I did. But how are you supposed to react when you find out you have magic or whatever they want to call it. I mean two months ago my life was normal, I had no idea anything supernatural existed and now I am neck deep in it.

“How are you handling everything that happened four weeks ago? Are the nightmares and panic attacks still bothering you?”

“The nightmares are still the same, but I have slept better in between them. The panic attacks… they are getting worse. I have started having them at school too and the last time it happened in the middle of Chemistry and I am pretty sure Harris hates me even more now, which I didn’t really think would be possible, but apparently panic attacks can do the trick…”

Every time, I sit in this chair Ms. Morrell asks me those questions and every time I answer I feel like I am failing some sort of test. Well, maybe not failing exactly, but I feel like I am letting all the people relying on me down.

It feels like seeing the expression on Scott’s face in Chemistry when I had the panic attack. He looked so utterly lost and helpless and I just wanted to tell him that I am fine. But I am not fine and no matter how many times I told people differently I haven’t been fine the past four weeks. I don’t even know when I am going to be.

“We both know what those things mean. I am not getting better… but I don’t understand _why_. I mean… I am just not getting better…”

“Stiles, it’s going to take _time_. You aren’t going to get better from one day to the next…”

“But it has been a month!”

“Yes, Stiles, it has just been _one_ month. You are suffering from PTSD and it isn’t going to magically disappear and considering you are keeping it from your family and friends…”

“But I don’t want them to know!”

“Hiding from your problems isn’t going to make them go away, Stiles. All of my experience tells me that it is only going to be worse for you to face them, when you finally do, because you can’t hide forever. Sooner or later you are going to have to and sooner is going to be easier than later… besides, don’t you want them to be there for you?”

“They shouldn’t have to worry about me.”

“Stiles, they love you, which means they are probably going to worry no matter if you tell them or not, but… sometimes the truth is the one thing that is going to allow you to heal.

It’s so damn _frustrating_ when you know someone is making all the sense in the world, but you just _can’t do it_. It makes me feel like I can’t control anything I do, like everything is out of my control and that terrifies me. It reminds me too much of the uncontrollable feeling that envelopes me during the panic attacks and just thinking about I have to force myself to take a couple of deep breathes while trying to think about kittens and rainbows.

Surprisingly, my pathetic attempt to distract myself does the job. It just doesn’t do it well. I can still my heart racing a million miles per hour and my entire body shacking while I desperately try to steady my uneven breathing. How the hell am I supposed to function when I can’t even freaking talk about this shit?

“Can I do something to help you, Stiles?”

“No, no…”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s just so _damn frustrating…_ I want to get better _so bad_ and nothing helps. No matter what I do it doesn’t get better and I need to be better. I need to be better for my dad or he is going to worry and Scott is already blaming himself when it isn’t his fault and Derek… he is going to _leave me_.”

“Stiles, do really you think your father doesn’t worry about you every day? Do you really think Scott would value you any less? Do you honestly think Derek would leave you if he found out you have PTSD, because if you do, do you really think he deserves you?”

Her calm hand on my shoulder manages to ground me enough for me to focus on something other than my own failure. I just want to do something right instead of _this_ , whatever this is.

“Stiles, I want to try and end this session on a good note and I know you are turning eighteen in about a month, so do you have any big plans for your birthday?”

“I don’t think I have had plans for my birthday since I was maybe ten. Since then it has mostly been me and Scott eating my grandma apple pie because my dad has taken every possible shift he could get his hands on to avoid me and my mother…. you know… I mean I don’t exactly have a lot of friends either so…”

“What did you do before then?”

“There isn’t really that much to tell, birthdays haven’t really been a big thing at our house. Sure, my parents would spend the day with me and I would get to choose whatever we would eat and decide on the plans for the day, but… it’s not the way Scott’s family does birthdays.”

“What do you mean?”

“Scott’s mom always goes all out for his birthday, coming up with all kinds of different surprises for him, finding the best gifts and just generally making it feel like something special.”

“Do you wish you had that?”

“Sure, doesn’t everyone? I mean everyone wants to feel special…”

She looks up at the clock and I know the session is over. I don’t think I would be able to handle anymore, so I am not exactly complaining. I am already so emotionally raw I feel like crawling up in foster position and staying there for the rest of the day shutting the world out.

“Now, Stiles, our time for today is over, but I want you to think about what you want for your birthday for the next time and I am going to encourage you, again, to talk to the people in your life about your struggles, because you need to let them be there for you too. Everybody needs someone to lean on from time to time.”

I can’t even muster up the energy for descent reply, so I just nod. Usually I am drained when I leave, but this is another level. Words feel like too much of an effort, but Ms. Morrell knows not to take it personally by now. I just wish I would stop feeling so damn emotionally raw whenever I as much as think about what happened. I just wish I would be fine again…

 

* * *

 

Outside my light blue baby is waiting for me looking better than ever and it feels like freedom sitting in the driver’s seat turning the key in the ignition. The doctor finally cleared me to drive a couple of days ago and it probably should have stopped being exciting that I get to drive her again, but it really hasn’t. It’s so damn liberating after relying on everybody else for everything while the bullet wound healed up properly.

Driving out of the parking lot, I remember the first time Derek drove me here. It’s not that he made a big thing out of it. It’s quite the opposite actually, but I think it was what I needed. My dad never knows what to do with himself and Derek just acted like he was talking me to some random doctor’s appointment instead of a psychologist. He is just great.

For a split second I consider what would happen if I took Ms. Morrell’s advice, if I actually told somebody about what is going on inside my head and I instantly dismiss it. I can imagine my dad either going for one of two extremes, either involving locking me up inside my room and never letting me outside or forcing me to live in Ms. Morrell’s office until I am better. I am not really sure which one I would hate the most, but he definitely wouldn’t be an option.

Scott would probably look like a kicked puppy, because he already blames himself for ‘dragging me into this mess’ as he so eloquently put it. He still hasn’t really wrapped his head around the fact that I am just as supernatural and he is, but that might have something to do with the whole avoiding all things concerning Hunters thing he has had going on since Chris promised he wouldn’t kill him unless he hurt is daughter. Those two must really love each other considering the amount of bullshit they are willing to put up with to stay together. I can’t even imagine.

All things considered, Derek would be the obvious choice, because he was actually there that night when it happened. He lived through the whole thing with me thinking we might not make it… but telling about the nightmares and panic attacks… it just seems like _too much_ to put on the guy. I mean we have barely been dating for a month and I don’t think your one month anniversary is the time to tell the person you’re dating that you are suffering from PTSD, at least not, if you are planning on them sticking around for the foreseeable future.

It doesn’t help that I have had the sense that Derek has been pulling away from me the past couple of days and it terrifies me. It honestly terrifies me to even consider him leaving me, because I don’t know how I would be able to handle it. I am terrified that he might have realized that I am too much work or just different than he expected or maybe he realized that he doesn’t want to a seventeen year old teenager. Looking at the two of us, I don’t even know what the hell he sees in me in the first place, because he could have anybody and I do mean _anybody._ So why choose _me_?

What it all comes down to is me being utterly terrified of losing everything good in my life. Things have finally turned around and now my life might fall apart all over again… and I don’t think I would survive that…

I don’t think I would survive losing it again…


	2. The Learning Curve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about being late with the whole posting thing again, life sort of happened meaning I have been sick pretty much since the last time I posted. The next few chapters are going to plot builders concerning a lot of the character plots I am doing, before I start the mystery plot, which I am really excited about. I am hoping you are enjoying this as much as A Question of Trust :) 
> 
> Please leave Comments and Kudos behind, I love knowing what you think, because I am still relatively new to this thing :) Please tell me if I have to add any tags or warnings 
> 
> Stay safe <3

After experiencing four years of Coach Finstock drilling us every freaking day during lacrosse practice, I honestly thought practice couldn’t be that much worse, but I have _never_ felt as sore or incompetent in my life as I do on the homemade training course behind Deaton’s clinic.

Because practicing with Chris Argent _is not_ _a joke_. Well, I am not really sure if you can call what I am doing practicing because all I do is get my ass handed to me by the freaking Hunter every freaking day. And having an audience doesn’t really help, because most days I feel like the only reason Deaton and Ms. Davis are here is to laugh their asses off watching my fall on mine repeatedly, because Chris Argent is a freaking monster.

“You’re late, Stiles.”

He really isn’t one of those people you want to piss off either, because I have a distinct suspicion that he usually tries not to embarrass me too much, but on those days there I have pissed him off just a little too much, he just hands me my ass twice as hard and it isn’t pretty to watch.

Chris Argent is honestly one of the most terrifying people I will ever meet in my life including his crazy ass father and sister. He might seem all cool and put together, but he can kick your ass in ways I don’t even want to imagine and I can’t say that seeing the balance beam he has built behind the clinic doesn’t make my stomach drop, because it does. Why? Well, the beam means that I am going to be falling a lot during the next hours, because I have honestly been one of those people who have thought ‘well, my balance can’t be that bad’, but, really, it can. It can be _really bad_.

“I’m sorry, the sessions with Ms Morrell took longer than I expected.”

“Right, I forgot you had those today. Let’s get started.”

Strangely enough, that seems to be the magical words, because his shoulders aren’t as tense anymore and he actually has that small smile on his face that tells me this isn’t going to be too painful _._ It almost makes me want to turn around and walk away anyway, but I know why we are doing this. I just don’t really know how much it is working.

After almost sixty minutes of falling down the beam while desperately trying to block the punches Chris throws my way, I want to scream at the world for putting me through this, because how can this possibly be fair. How is getting my ass handed to me making me better? I don’t think I have made any progress since we started this damn thing over two weeks ago and it is just so freaking _frustrating_! Argh!

“Why do I have to do this?”

“Because we want to prevent you from dying, since your inability to stay with upright makes you an easy target. We have been over this before, Stiles.”

“I know why we would do it in theory, but I am not making any freaking progress, so why do we keep doing something that isn’t helping!”

The deep sigh makes me a little unsettled, but I am too frustrated to care. I want answers and I want them now even if it means Chris Argent kicking my ass harder than before.

“You are making progress, but we don’t have the _time_ to call you a good boy every time you do something right. Stiles, we don’t know what is going to happen next…”

“But why haven’t we practiced my Spark yet, because it is going to be a hell of a lot more useful in a fight than any attempt of mine to physically fight anybody.”

Then all three of them sigh and I just want to walk away screaming, because do they really have to make me feel like I am an idiot for not knowing any of this. Yes, I know why we don’t know what is going to happen now that the news of my heritage might be spreading, but this _isn’t helping_.

“Stiles, you already know this…”

“We know you are frustrated, but you have to remember…”

“Deaton, Chris, why don’t you take five minutes while I explain this to Stiles. You two really aren’t making anything better for our young student.”

Ms. Davis waves me over to one of the benches a few feet away before sitting down. Not that I am complaining about the break from practicing, but she looks likes she is starting one of her stories that usually ends up taking forever.

“Now Stiles, you have to understand something about your spark. The strength of it is determined by two factors; the physical condition of your body and the amount of spark you hold. At the moment, your spark is limited by your physical abilities.”

“But what does that even mean?”

“During a fight you use huge amounts of spark at once, which means that it could end up destroying your body and even kill you if you aren’t careful. The better physical condition your body is in the smaller the risk of dying.”

The memories of the pain makes my head spin. Breaking the spell made my body feel like it was being torn to pieces, but I never thought it might actually be happening. I knew I was taking a risk, I knew it might not work and the world would change forever, but never _this_.

“I would rather see you get your ass handed to you by a Hunter than watch your magic kill you; it isn’t a comfortable death.”

“Right… I understand…”

It is terrifying to know that I have something inside me that could possibly destroy me. I knew respect is needed concerning my abilities, but this puts a darker light over everything I have done, it makes me think what _could_ have happened if I hadn’t been as lucky. It also makes me wonder what my mother and Deaton were thinking just handing me the book filled with temptation to ruin myself over something I don’t understand.

 

* * *

 

The moment, I step back up on the beam, a familiar face steps around the corner of Deaton’s clinic. It is one of those faces I don’t want to see, because the person is my mother. She looks determined and I can feel the defiance bubbling under my skin. I don’t want to talk to her, I don’t want to see her, but she doesn’t seem to share my reluctance.

“We need to talk…”

“I thought I had made it perfectly clear that I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“Stiles, this isn’t…”

“No! You don’t get to walk in here and make demands after everything you have done to me!”

The silent conversation my mother and Chris Argent seem to be having makes me want to punch them in the face, because she shouldn’t be a part of my life. Chris might be helping me, but that doesn’t mean he gets to make this kind of decision for me.

“I am not here for me…”

“And I don’t care! You ruined my life and I am sure as hell not going to let you ruin anymore of it… I have finally gotten things under control again; I can’t do it again…”

“Stiles, _please_ , _you have to listen to me!_ ”

“No! You don’t understand do you? You don’t understand how much freaking damage you have done to my life, because if you did, you would have stayed whatever hole it is you have crawled into after you _freaking left us!_ ”

Chris tries to step towards me, but somehow I manage to have him stumbling away seconds later. I am well aware that I need to calm down, because I can feel my breathing picking up and my heart starting to beat faster. My palms have started sweating too, but I just _can’t_.

“I know you can’t forgive me…”

“Then why the hell are you even here? _What do you want from me?!_ ”

“I just want…”

At this point my breathing is so shallow that I start feeling light headed and more and more claustrophobic. The second I realize I am heading towards a full blown panic attack I stop hearing what they are saying. I can’t _breathe_ and I don’t know what to do.

Then they notice I am not doing well, probably because I start swaying dangerously. I can feel them moving closer but they aren’t helping the claustrophobic feeling. It makes me feel cornered and I want to scream, I want to push them away, but I can’t make my body move. The only thing my body can do is fall down on my knees, which doesn’t make breathing easier. God, I wish I could just make it _stop_! I wish I could just make all of this stop…

Right when I can feel them reaching out to touch me, I can feel something building inside of me, something that isn’t right; something bad. And I can’t control it; _I can’t control any of this_.

The next second, my body feels like it is burn as some kind of energy is being dragged over my skin in every direction. As I watch everything around flying through the air I know that a blast of my spark is doing this. _I_ am doing this. And I can’t stop it.

The fear on their faces makes my stomach turn and my head hurt. It somehow grounds me too. I don’t know why or how, but seeing what I have done… it makes me want to crawl into foster position and never move again. It makes me want to forget what I am capable of.

I don’t even notice my mother crying until she walks towards me and then suddenly stops looking so utterly broken, it makes me hold unto my legs harder and close my eyes hoping the darkness can take me away from everything that is happening. I am calm… I am, but I feel so … _unstable_.

“Stiles, I am so sorry… I am _so_ _sorry_ …”

Her voice makes all the helpless come rushing back yet again. I had finally kicked the panic attacks, I had finally gotten better, and now they are back and they are _worse_. And the nightmares… I can’t sleep… and it just makes me wish I could be stronger.

 

* * *

 

Thirty minutes later, Derek runs up to the clinic after Deaton called him. I told him that he didn’t have to drive me home, but he told me that he had something he wanted to show me. He doesn’t know about the panic attack, because I made Deaton swear he wouldn’t tell him. Instead, he told Derek that I had taken a bad fall during practice and he didn’t feel comfortable letting me drive, but I am still not comfortable lying to him. I hate lying to him.

When our eyes connect, I know he is going to ask questions, because I might not feel like I am going to crash and burn any second, but I am still jittery. Luckily, I have an excuse that Derek knows always puts me on edge; my mother.

“Hi, how are you doing?”

Derek runs his hands over my neck before kissing my forehead looking worried.

“I am fine, Deaton worries too much.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“My mother showed up, so I am still a bit rattled. She kept pushing me even after I told her I didn’t want to talk to her… you know how she pushes my buttons.”

“Yeah, well, I guess, we are probably never going to agree on how to handle your mother.”

This is another reason I wish my mother had never come back, because whenever I mention her Derek gets this look in his eyes that makes me want to just hold him. I still remember the afternoon where I finally got the reason out of him and I understand it, but… I just don’t agree with him. Derek told me that he would do anything for his mother to be a part of his life again and that it hurts him to see me push mine away.

“You know it isn’t that simple…”

“To me it is, Stiles…”

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? There is nothing to talk about.”

“Right… we should probably get going.”

Derek runs his hand through my hair before walking towards my jeep. How the hell the guy got his hands on my keys is beyond me, but I have given up understanding everything about him weeks ago. I know he is never going to tell me everything, I just wish he would talk to me more.

 

* * *

 

Sitting in the passenger’s seat of my baby feels strange. I think I have let Scott drive maybe three or four times during out entire friendship, but I don’t mind Derek driving as much. Sure, I would still rather be driving, but whenever Derek sends me one of those looks that just scream grumpy I know he is going to annoy the living shit out of me until I give up. You wouldn’t really believe it, but Derek does annoying better than most, sometimes even better than me.

“How was your session with Ms Morrell today?”

“It ran late.”

“So you had a lot to talk about?”

“Yes, Derek, I talked to my freaking psychologist, sue me.”

“Stiles…”

“I am still not talking about this.”

“Stiles, you are acting like a child.”

It is not that I don’t know I am behaving childish, but I really can’t think about my session today, because then I will think about all my fears and the guilt of lying to Derek. I don’t want to think about my secrets or my fears that my first relationship is already ending. His comment doesn’t make it better, because I don’t want to remind him that I am seventeen (almost eighteen) – I don’t want to remind him that he can do so much better.

Right when I am starting to calm down, Derek doesn’t make the right turn he is supposed to if he wants to get back into town, which makes my nerves act up again. Derek looks so damn calm that it makes me angry, because where the hell is he taking me _without telling me!_

“Derek, _where the hell are you taking me?_ Because I would like to know…”

“I am not telling you…”

“You do realize this could qualify as kidnapping, right? Because I do since _my dad is freaking Sheriff!_ I can actually tell you the definition…”

“Stiles…”

“Kidnapping is the unlawful taking away or transportation of a person against that person’s will, usually to hold the person unlawfully!”

Derek sends me one of those grumpy looks that usually make me calm down, because I don’t want to fight despite what he might think, but for once it makes me even angrier. I can tell I have started yelling, but I don’t care. I just want him to _listen_.

“Stiles, I am trying to surprise you…”

“Oh no, you aren’t, because you are going to tell me where the hell we are going, because I am _not_ good with surprises…”

“Fine! We are going to meet the skinwalkers, are you happy now?”

It feels almost like a slap in the face, when he shakes his head disappointed and looks away. I know he is angry with me and I understand why, but it still frustrates me that I can’t control when I lose it. I hate that I keep losing it.

“I am sorry, I am really sorry, I just… I am on edge right now and I don’t really understand it.”

“I know; I am sorry for snapping.”

“I just hate it when we fight like this.”

Derek nods, before grabbing my hand and holding it tight. It feels like we are desperately holding onto each other hoping that the other person is going to keep us from drowning in whatever emotions we are dealing with. I just… I have to be strong enough. I have to handle this on my own. I can’t keep dragging everybody down with me.

“You know, I am excited that you are taking me to see them… it means a lot.”

“It’s the first time I am meeting with them too.”

“Why haven’t you done it sooner? I thought you wanted to meet with them weeks ago.”

“I did, but most of these kids aren’t handling the fact that supernatural exists very well and it isn’t helping that they are a part of said supernatural, so it has taken a lot of convincing to even get some of them thinking about meeting with us.”

“You don’t sound like you are telling me everything.”

“Well, the fact that they think you pretty much killed Gerard and Kate doesn’t really help…”

“Hey! I didn’t…”

“I know you didn’t, but they don’t understand so believing you did it… it is easier for them.”

It hits me harder than I expected that I have people out there, people who don’t know anything about except for my name, think I murdered two people. The nervous energy returns and I don’t know what to do with myself, because I can’t tell Derek that sometimes… a part of me agrees with them. Sometimes a part of me believes that I murdered Gerard and Kate, even if I know it was an accident. Logically I know, but knowing and feeling are two very different things.

“Why are you bringing me, if they are so scared of me?”

“Because most of the kids actually know you to begin with, so I figured that if they actually have some sort of contact with you, they would figure you that you are pretty harmless.”

“You know, I take offense at being called harmless, because I am _not_ harmless… I just don’t know how to be not harmless… yet.”

“This is what I mean… you are quite adorable when you aren’t trying.”

“What happens when I am trying then?”

“You know I love your weirdness.”

“You do realize I would walk away insulted right now if you weren’t driving my car, right?”

That comment doesn’t earn me anything other than one of Derek’s wonderful smiles and a kiss on the forehead, which I can’t decide feels insulting or caring. I am choosing to go with caring just so I don’t start harboring bad feeling against my ridiculously handsome boyfriend.

“How did practice go?”

“You do realize I was there when Deaton called you and told you that I had fallen on my ass right? You know the answer.”

“I am not asking Deaton, I am asking you. How did practice go?”

“Fine I guess. I just got my ass handed to me like usual.”

“You don’t sound happy about it.”

“I just hate that I am not _good_ at it. Everybody expects me to be magically amazing at everything that has anything to do with being a hunter because I am an Aleksy, but I am not. I mean I can barely stay upright at all during practice… how am I supposed to fight anybody?”

It feels good to say it out loud, even if it makes me feel like an utter failure. Derek just squeezes my hand before running his hand through my hair. I honestly I have no idea how he can drive a freaking car and comfort me at the same time, but I am not going to complain, because it helps.

“Stiles, how long have you been doing this?”

“A few weeks…”

“How long do you think Chris Argent has been doing this?”

“I don’t know…”

“I am guessing since he was a child, so about thirty five years, which is about _twice your age_. Of course he is going to be better than you right now and I am betting that you really aren’t as bad as you think you are and how the hell says you have to fight anybody? Yes, we don’t know what is going to happen, but who says all the evils in the world are going to come raining down on us?”

“It’s just so damn _frustrating!_ ”

“I know, but there is a learning curve to everything you do and you can’t except to just shorten the curve because you have a certain genetic disposition.”

“I know… it is just hard to remember sometimes.”

He runs his hand up and down my neck and I feel better than I have all day. I know I should probably tell him the other stuff, but I can’t do that to him. I can’t put all of my damage on him, but maybe I can let him help me with the small things and maybe, just maybe, that will help me with everything else – maybe it will make it all feel less suffocating.


	3. Nightly Meetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this might be some kind of record for me, this is probably the fastest I have posted, and it is an attempt at trying to make up for being so terribly at posting regularly lately. I probably won't be able to post again until sometime next week, but I hope you enjoy this - I enjoyed write the last piece of Sterek, I couldn't help smiling :)
> 
> Now please tell me if you have any critic or comments, because I love hearing from you guys  
> I love it when you leave kuods and comments, so please do <3  
> Tell me if I need to add any warning or tags  
> Stay safe you lovely, lovely people <3

After driving for another ten minutes, Derek parks the car down one of the small roads, before he drags me out of the car to start walking. It isn’t until we reach the small dirt roads that I understand why Derek felt the need to drag me out of my baby and make me walk around the preserve.

Right when I reach the point where I want to ask when the hell we are going to arrive at whatever deserted place Derek has planned, Derek stops up causing me to almost walk into him. Looking around, I don’t recognize the place, but we are standing in the middle of one of the huge clearings that I have never been able to tell apart.

Looking around, it appears we are the only ones who have shown up, which makes me slightly nervous because of the flashes going through my mind of walking into some kind of trap. Derek must be able to tell, because he grabs my hand and squeezes it.

“You do realize no one is around, right?”

“Just wait, they are just making sure they aren’t walking into a trap.”

“You really weren’t kidding when you said they weren’t crazy about me.”

That comment manages to get a laugh out of Derek, which strangely enough makes me feel better about the whole situation. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to run away screaming, but the urge just isn’t as dominating as before.

“If I am going to be honest, they aren’t all that crazy about me either, but I am all they have got. It's not like there is anybody else around who can help them understand what being a skinwalker means for their lives.”

“You don’t look too pleased about it.”

“I don’t know if you can say that I am not pleased, but I don’t really know how I am supposed to feel about whatever this is… it is just a lot of responsibility to have forced upon you.”

“Well, I think you are doing great.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

Right then, I have to catch myself from arguing with him, because I would never say that to please him, but it isn’t what Derek needs, so I stay quiet. Instead, I start watching the surroundings and I can feel tensing up before I can see them.

As they move close, I start recognizing several of them from school and despite not knowing any of their names. Considering, we have probably gone to school together for most of our lives, I feel embarrassed for not knowing. I should know.

“Stiles, this is Isaac Lahey, Vernon Boyd and Erica Reyes…”

Right then, all four skinwalkers turn around as if they heard something I can’t with my human senses. They seem strangely on edge, but I can’t blame them when I see who is walking out from behind the trees. Jackson freaking Whitmore is a skinwalker and I do _not_ know what I am supposed to do with this information because what the hell?! I mean it’s _Jackson_!

“Derek, what the _hell_ …”

“He is the one who has been fighting it…”

“What do you mean?”

“Stiles, he doesn’t _want_ to be a skinwalker.”

My mind instantly goes to why he would want to be a skinwalker? Then I remember the benefits Scott experienced after he first turned. I couldn’t imagine Jackson not wanting to be faster or stronger, so why the hell is he so opposed the whole thing and if he is so opposed what is he doing here? And how does Scott not know about him? I mean, I figured they would be able to recognize each other for some reason, but I guess not.

“Now that we are all here, do you have any questions for us?”

“Actually, we have some for Stiles, if that’s okay?”

The only thing going through my mind is why the hell would they want to ask me questions? It’s not like I know that much about skinwalkers and I am not really sure what else they would want to know about this whole situation, but I guess Erica thinks I know something, whatever it is.

“Sure, ask away.”

“What do you have to do with all of this? We know you were there that night, but you aren’t a skinwalker, so why would you want to be involved?”

“Well, my dad’s the sheriff and I have a tendency to get overly involved in his cases, so when a friend of mine mentioned that the symbols were old Native American symbols, I started researching and found out they were connected to skinwalkers. From that point everything started snowballing and I found out I belong to an old family who protect skinwalkers. So when I found out what Gerard and Kate were doing, I… tried to stop them. Isn’t that what most people would do? I mean imagine two psychopaths being able to control skinwalkers… I am sorry for babbling, I am just not really sure what you want me to tell you.”

A deep breathe helps me focus and Derek’s hand on my lower back helps too. None of them knows what being an Aleksy means, so telling the truth can’t do any harm. Besides, I haven’t mentioned the name so they won’t be able to connect the dots from just hearing about it.

“Does this have something to do with why your mother left when we were younger?”

“It does, but I don’t like talking about it.

“I don’t blame you, I don’t like talking about my family all that much either.”

Erica’s big smile makes it hard to stay annoyed at her for long for bringing out my mother. I am pretty sure I would have gotten more pissed at Derek for bringing her up and he’s my boyfriend, but then again Erica doesn’t know anything else than my mother left years ago.

“How did you do it? Kill them.”

Isaac’s question forces me to take a deep breathe, so I don’t start having flashbacks and panic attacks in the middle of the preserve. I hate can’t stand hearing that _word,_ it makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come back up, because what does it say about a person if everybody is so willing to believe that they can kill another human being.

“I didn’t kill them… My heritage means that I have some… _abilities_ I guess you can call them. It resembles magic, but it isn’t. Anyway, that night I broke the spell they had cast to gain control over you guys and when I broke it… it backfired on them and killed them. I didn’t mean for them to die, but I didn’t kill them. I really didn’t.”

“So you didn’t know it would happen?”

“I knew it was a possibility, but when you are faced with saving your friends or doing something horrible… you do what you have to do.”

Derek’s hand has moved from my lower back to my neck were he squeezes lightly before letting go. He doesn’t look any more comfortable talking about it than I am, but he is desperately trying to seem put together, when I am not sure it has the effect he wants.

“Why don’t we give Stiles a break from the questioning? I want us to talk about the reason I called this meeting, because there are more skinwalkers in Beacon Hills than us, but most of them aren’t ready to face what is happening to them and they might be able to suppress their nature, but the four of you aren’t as lucky because of your spirit animals.”

“What does that mean?”

“The others might naturally be able to control their spirit animal, but you won’t. It will take practice for you to control that side of you. Do any of you have problems with me telling the others what your spirit animal is?”

Erica, Boyd and Isaac all make gestures suggesting that they don’t mind, while Jackson doesn’t do anything at all. Derek must take it as some kind of silent agreement, because he continues right after looking rather frustrated in Jackson’s general direction.

“Erica’s spirit animal is a lioness, while Boyd is a bear and Isaac’s a wolf and Jackson’s spirit animal is a leopard. They all have natural hunting instincts, which is where most of the problems come from. You might experience problems controlling your anger or have urges to chase if people are running from you, so the most important thing I am going to teach you is suppressing those instincts so you won’t hurt…”

“I can’t do this…”

The one thing I never thought I would hear Jackson say in a million years is those words. Jackson looks so pale and is shaking so much, the thing he resembles most is a scared little animal and I have no idea how this can be the same cocky asshole I meet every day at school.

“Why is this happening to me? Why can’t I just go home and pretend that none of this ever happened like the rest of them, because my life was _fine_ before any of this shit happened.”

“Jackson, I know this is hard to accept…”

“No, Stiles, you don’t know… I have _a plan_ and all of this is fucking with that plan, so my life can’t really get worse right now!”

“You need to learn how to have basic control or your life is only going to get worse. Control can prevent anybody from doing what Gerard and Kate did to you ever again. You need to learn what I have to teach if you want your plan to stand a chance.”

Derek sounds so calm. I can’t believe he is the same guy who stood next to me ten minutes ago. All those nerves have disappeared and that makes me so damn proud, because he is so much better at this than he thinks. Sure, he might come off as a little grumpy and distant, but it says something about a person when they take responsibility the way he does.

“What are you going to do about it?”

Hearing Boyd’s voice break the silence surprises everyone. He hasn’t said anything yet and he honestly doesn’t look like the kind of guy to answer with more than monosyllables when asked. I am pretty sure Derek and him are going to get along great if that is any kind of basis for a friendship, not that it would involve a lot more than grunting.

“I am going to teach you what my parents taught me. The first rule you are going to live by from now on is: If you are hurt go to Deaton. You are going to react differently to all kinds of different medication from now on and normal treatments might not work for them, because your skinwalker metabolism might not react like you expect.”

“What about my epilepsy? What am I going to do if I have a seizure?”

“When your skinwalker genes were activated they removed your epilepsy, you won’t be having any more seizures in the future.”

The shocked expression on Erica’s face quickly transforms into something terrified. Derek stays quiet as if he waiting for her to ask the next question we are all expecting.

“But what am I going to say when they ask why I am suddenly cured?”

“They aren’t going to ask questions if you don’t tell them.”

“But what if they find out? What then? Are they going to use us as test animals or will they just put us down when they figure out what we are?”

“This is the reason why we came up with the rules… there are people out there who hunt skinwalkers, we call them Hunters. They have historically caught, tortured and studied skinwalkers for centuries, which is why Stiles’ family protest against their behavior and are trying to protect us against it… but most see skinwalkers as animals and nothing else, so they aren’t going to hesitate pulling the trigger if they think it’s justified. That is why losing control can be dangerous for everybody and what I am trying to prevent.”

It feels strange hearing it out loud, because I knew my family had protested against the treatment of skinwalkers and that’s why the other Hunters started killing them, but the thought of people using them as test subjects… they probably treat animals better than they treat them and makes me so utterly furious and frustrated that they can’t understand. I know Derek and Scott aren’t less because they are skinwalkers and they work so hard to make sure they won’t ever hurt anybody, I can understand why someone would want to hurt them.

“What is the risk of passing _this_ down to our children?”

Jackson’s question brings all of us out of our thoughts. Surprisingly enough, this isn’t something I have considered, because I haven’t really thought about it like it is something to inherit. But Derek made it sound like his entire family was skinwalkers, so I guess it has to be.

“It works like normal genetics, but it is just a little more complicated. If two skinwalkers have children are they with almost 100 % certainty going to be skinwalkers too. If ordinary people and skinwalkers have children it works differently. You still have the same potential, but if you are unaware of your skinwalker nature you might never fulfill that potential. There is still the chance that you can pass it down to your children and they can fulfill their potential, but it’s less likely they will be aware so the chance is smaller. There is still the aspect of danger, because if a person with the potential is in danger and need to defend themselves, it might activate the skinwalker genes. On the other hand, if you know you are a skinwalker, it will show up sooner and you will be able to shift at an early age. Usually though, skinwalkers mature at eighteen, which is where they will be able to shift into their spirit animal, which is why there is usually a huge celebration.”

“Do skinwalkers usually leave their children behind or give them up for adoption?”

“I have never really heard about it, because most spirit animals have very strong protective instincts towards their children, so no.”

My curiosity goes crazy, because why is Jackson asking all these questions? Five minutes ago he was ready to storm out of here and now he wants to know about skinwalker _genetics_. Even me with my crazy ass curiously and knowledge craving I have never even considered _that_ whole aspect.

After the confusion over what the hell Derek’s answer means has settle, Isaac looks ready to ask the next question, even if he doesn’t look particularly comfortable at the thought.

“How does this whole family or pack or whatever thing work? Are we suddenly going to have the urge to start have puppy piles or what?”

“It depends. If your spirit animal is a pack animal you will most likely feel a pull towards other skinwalkers who are in the same situation, which means that you might be drawn to Erica or Stiles’ friend Scott, because you all have some common ground in that aspect. If you form what we call a pack bond you are going to resemble a family and you are most likely going to be close friends for the rest of your lives.”

“What about telling our families?”

Boyd looks so damn stoic asking that question I want to shake him to see if I can get any kind of reaction out of the guy. But I guess a bear really isn’t all that expressive, so I don’t know if that is what this whole thing is about. I don’t know he looks like the kind of person who could be planning your murder and you wouldn’t know until the knife is in your back which scares me a little.  

“What it comes down to is that it is your choice, but you should know that knowing about skinwalkers will increase the potential of their skinwalker nature coming through and they already know that it isn’t an easy thing to handle, so you have to walk the line carefully. It could also be a lot to handle if they aren’t skinwalkers, because it is a completely different world where a lot of what you thought wasn’t real is and that is terrifying on its own.”

“So you aren’t going to make us tell our families?”

Isaac looks so scared that I just want to hug him or make him laugh or something that can make him smile and I don’t really understand the urge, but he just looks so fragile even if I know he isn’t.

“No, it is your decision and I am not here to make decisions for you, I am here to help you make your own informed decisions.”

Those words seem to settle something inside of the others and I understand it. They have just found out that they have this whole other part of them and that they don’t really understand. Then someone shows up and tells them that they know what is going on and of course you are going to be scared that they are going to try and control your life, but I know Derek well enough to know that he won’t do that and doesn’t want to do that. He would probably run away screaming if someone ever told him that he had to decide everything for someone else.

The image of Derek running away screaming must make me smile like the idiot I sometimes am, because Derek sends me a questioning look. He probably doesn’t understand what I am smiling at, so I just mouths that I will tell him later.

“So, I have to ask, are you two dating?”

Derek looks like a deer caught in headlights, because even though we have talked about it and we are boyfriends, we haven’t really been on a date. I seriously doubt Derek even wants to date and even if it would be nice to show him off to the world, I don’t mind. I am just happy he likes me to begin with, so I know I am lucky. In the end, I decide to take pity on him and answer the question before Erica explodes from excitement.

“Yes, we are.”

“But your dad is the Sheriff and you aren’t eighteen yet, are you?”

“Yes my dad is the Sheriff and no I am not eighteen yet, but we are dealing with it. My dad isn’t thrilled, but he knows Derek is good for me, so he just doesn’t want us doing anything that could mean he has to arrest Derek for statutory rape.”

That seems to satisfy Erica’s urges to know about our relationship and Derek looks eternally grateful that he didn’t have to explain it to her. Then Erica suddenly starts looking almost shy, when she starts talking again.

“I didn’t really know what to expect tonight, because I don’t really know anything about what is happening to me, but _thank you_ for helping us. I know a lot of people would give a shit about a group of teenagers struggling, so really thank you for doing this. It means a lot.”

Derek looks so damn flustered I can’t help laughing and luckily Derek and the rest of them start laughing too. Derek even puts his arms around my from behind holding me against his chest and it feels good. It feels like the relationship I want us to have.

 

* * *

 

At the end of the night after saying goodbye to Erica, Boyd, Isaac and Jackson in the preserve (well, technically all Boyd and Jackson did was grunt so I am not sure that counted as a goodbye, but who cares), Derek has driven me home. He even freaking opened the car door for me and I don’t think anybody has ever done that for me and I don’t really understand why, but I like it.

“Now, you told me you would tell me why you were smiling.”

“I am just proud of you.”

Then he sends me one of his looks that makes it clear he doesn’t believe a word that is coming out of my mouth. I don’t know what it is with him and his inability to accept praise, but it makes me want to shake some sense into that pretty head of his.

“I am proud of how well you handled everything with Erica, Isaac, Boyd and Jackson, because Erica is right not everybody would do what you do; take responsibility that way.”

Derek looks at me like he can’t really believe it and I am not really sure if that is positive. Then right when we reach the front door, he pushes me against the wall and kisses me passionately. It’s not like we haven’t made out before, because we have and I am a fan, a big fan, but this feels different. It has a heat I can’t really explain, but I am not going to complain, because it feels _great_!

His lips are so damn perfect against mine it makes my knees go weak and I am pretty sure I would be sitting on my ass if he didn’t have his arms around me keeping me upright. Then he does this thing with his teeth to my lower lip and I can’t help the little moan coming out of me. Derek instantly takes advantage of the opening and slides his tong against mine making my skin feel even hotter. I know I am getting way too excited way too fast, but I can’t really find the energy to care, because this feels _amazing_.

I honestly don’t want it to end, so I can’t help the small protests I let out when Derek backs away looking all rumbled from my hands running through his hair with his pupils blown wide. It makes me feel even better to know that I have the same effect on him, because I can’t help being aware that I am definitely the less attractive one in this relationship.

“Don’t you dare walk away after getting me this riled up!”

The only answer he can come up with for that is planting another kiss on my mouth distracting me long enough to slip away, which only makes me want to run after him demanding he finish this damn thing, because you do not do this! I have never felt this damn frustrating and I have a freaking boyfriend and I demand that he help me with the damn frustration!

Right when I am about to yell after Derek again, my dad decides to open the front door looking very unimpressed and I am suddenly very aware of being frustrated in a completely different way, because Derek’s departure definitely makes a lot more sense now. Neither of us has any particular desire to be caught by my dad and I am not really all that happy for my dad’s presence at the point.

“Hallo Stiles, you seem to be having a fulfilling night.”

“Nope, dad, no fulfillment, none what so ever, no fulfillment going on for me.”

He sends me one of those dad looks that just makes me think I have done something wrong even if I know I haven’t and it is so damn frustrating because I really don’t need to be any more flustered right now. God, I am not going to be able to look my dad in the eye the next few days, because I do not want to remember this moment _at all_.

“I am just going to go sleep… right away…”

“Goodnight, Stiles.”

“Goodnight dad.”

Can’t someone just kill me already!


	4. Days of Make-Belief, Pt I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll enjoy the update, because it is the last one before the whole mystery business takes off in the next chapter. It's also the point where Stiles is faced with the progress he is making concerning his mental health and it's an introduction to what I might focus on if I decide to write a third story about Sterek in this universe.
> 
> Now, please leave comments and kudos, because you make me a very happy person every time you do :)  
> And tell me if I should add any kind of tag or warning  
> Stay safe you lovely, lovely people <3

The next couple of days pass in a blur of practice and school, so suddenly Friday has arrived. At this point, I couldn’t be happier that I managed to negotiate that Friday and Saturday could be practice free days because my body hurts in places I didn’t necessarily want to know even existed.

Remembering the unhappy expression on Chris’ face, when I managed to convince him, still makes me laugh. You can’t really argue when the other person makes sense and my flood of arguments focusing on me only being eighteen and needing time to be Stiles despite being an Aleksy, hit a sore spot. The reason I am guessing is that Gerard might not have been quite as understanding when it came to his own children’s practice hours.

After the meeting Tuesday, the reactions from Boyd, Erica, Isaac and Jackson have been what you can call divided at best. Isaac, Erica and Boyd have actually started greeting me in the morning or when we pass each other in the hallways, which have earned us quite a few strange looks from Scott and some of the other students, but it’s nice. Isaac has even made conversation during the few classes we share and he seems to be enjoying the comradery and common ground the skinwalker nature has created between them.

Jackson’s reaction on the other hand has been a bit more hostile than the others and his anger seems to be directed in my general direction. It’s not that he hasn’t been hostile towards me before, hostility has pretty much been the foundation of any interaction between us since preschool, but it has definitely taken a step in a worse direction.

I know it’s because he is having trouble accepting what’s happening to him and I am taking the worst of it being the daily reminder of it, but I just wish I knew _why_ he is fighting it so damn hard. It almost seems like he is scared of something he doesn’t want to say out loud.

 

* * *

 

At lunch, Scott and Allison have saved me a seat, luckily far away from Jackson, because I might want to help the guy, but I am not a masochist. It’s strange having a third person around all the time, but it’s more than a little obvious how Scott feels and she seems Justas head over heels over him, so it’s nice that they have put everything behind them.

“You look like hell, dude!”

“Well, hello to you too, Scott.”

“Stiles…”

“Calm down, I just haven’t been sleeping well.”

“You still aren’t sleeping?”

The worried expression on both their faces makes me want to crawl into a ball and start crying because I don’t want to talk about it. I just want forget all of it ever happened and get on with my freaking life! I am sick and tired of the worried looks, because they are a constant reminder of how I am not as fine as I want to be.

“I am fine…”

“Stiles, it has been over a month since…”

“I know it’s been over a month. I am well aware of how long it has been, but I am handling it, so will you please just let it go?!”

Allison looks shocked by my outburst and Scott looks like a kicked puppy which always manages to make me feel way guiltier than I should. I know they are my friends and I know they are trying to be there for me, but it really isn’t helping right now.

“Have any of you heard anything about the mayoral election?”

At this point, we are all aware that this is just my horrible attempt at changing the subject. For once they don’t complain, but just answers my damn question without giving me all those disappointed looks that always makes my guilt show its big head.

“So they are electing a new mayor instead of appointing a temporary one this time?”

“Yeah, after everything that happened with Ge… his replacement, the Mayor is still a long way from being fit to do his job. Deaton doesn’t seem too worried, but I think we all know that someone doesn’t walk away from a coma like that without consequences.”

“You do realize you can say my grandfather’s name, right? I am not going to break down crying because you mention what he did?”

“It’s noted, but…”

“You still think it’s weird?”

“Pretty much.”

How are you supposed to talk to your new friend about their crazy grandfather and aunt, who tried to kill everybody you care about in some sort of psychotic delusion that they were saving mankind from something that wasn’t trying to kill them in the first place? I mean, normally, I would call him crazy Argent and get it over with, but seeing as either Allison or Chris are almost always present, I just… don’t want to stop on any toes. Let’s put it like that.

“Have your dad said anything about the new candidates?”

“He has actually been especially tight lipped about it.”

“Meaning he has let you ‘borrow’ his computer, so you haven’t been able to find out yourself?”

“What can I say, Scotty? You know me so well.”

I am not going to tell Scott, but it has actually been disturbing just how much my dad has made sure that his computer and I haven’t been alone together. Before everything he never thought twice about it and sure I sometimes knew things I wasn’t always supposed to know, but I never crossed the line where I put myself in any danger until the whole skinwalker business started.

“Do you have any big plans for your time away from the wardens?”

“Well, I am glad you ask, Scott, because I have big plans of doing absolutely nothing at all.”

“Is that some kind of code for wanting to hang out?”

“My body hurts in places I didn’t think it _could_ _hurt_ , Scotty. I am not going to move a muscle unless it is strictly a question of life and death.”

“So it’s not a code?”

“Not a code.”

I can’t really identify the expression on Scott’s face because it is something in between disbelief and some kind of disappointment I don’t really understand. Something tells me it wasn’t what he wanted to hear and for once I don’t know what it is he wants me to say.

“Why are you asking?”

“Well, Allison and I, we were wondering if… if you would… if maybe you... you know…”

“What Scott is trying to say is that we were wondering if you and Derek would go on a double date with them during the weekend?”

That might be the one question I don’t know what I am supposed to answer. Is this one of those things couples just do or should I run this by Derek? Then I remember who I am dating and then I almost start laughing at the thought of us having a double date, because I am pretty sure Derek wouldn’t do anything but glare at everybody at the table, which would make Scott all flustered and uncomfortably trying to keep some kind of conversation going.

“Honestly, I don’t really think it is Derek’s _thing_.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s put it this way; he doesn’t really seem like the date kind of person.”

“But what do you do when you are together if you don’t date?”

How the hell do you answer that? I am pretty sure if I actually answered that question Scott would start running away screaming, because the one time I tried to explain the whole two guys being together thing, he looked like he would be having nightmares for weeks. I don’t think he is ready to hear anything about my relationship with Derek, no matter how much he feels like sharing about Allison and how great everything is (well, except for her father).

“Honestly, we talk a lot, well, I talk a lot and Derek listens.”

Scott looks suspicious and I am pretty sure he knows I am consciously holding back, but I am not hearing him complain about how I ruined his innocence.

“You talk?”

“And we make out. I like the making out part.”

At this point, Scott looks like he wants to run away screaming, so when he actually opens his mouth again to start speaking he looks so awkward and reluctant I almost start laughing.

“So, have you gone any further… than… you know… _kissing_.”

Both Allison and I can’t stop laughing, because Scott honestly looks like he wants to roll over and die any minute. It’s obvious that he is trying to be a good friend and make up for everything and I love the guy for it, but he shouldn’t do this to himself.

“Scott, if you don’t want to know you shouldn’t ask, because I will tell you if you ask.”

“Please just forget I ever asked.”

That just makes Allison and I start laughing all over again and Scott eventually makes up some sort of excuse about having to go to the bathroom even if we all know he just needs a break right about now. After he has left it hits me that this the first time I have been alone with Allison since everything happened. Sure, I might not be _completely alone_ but still.

“How is your family handling the whole...Gerard and Kate _thing_?”

“Why haven’t you just asked my dad? You see him pretty much every day.”

“Because your dad is freaking terrifying… I mean he is a freaking stoic kickass hunter who I am not all too eager to remind of the fact that I am the reason his sister and father are dead. I might be a lot of things, but I am not suicidal.”

“So you aren’t scared of me?”

The expression on her face reveals nothing and I can’t help feeling a little uncomfortable. The need to run is definitely present, but I am not going to fall for this.

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re scary and all, but you are dating my best friend who wouldn’t be ecstatic if I suddenly disappeared, where I am not really sure you father wouldn’t really mind upsetting the skinwalker who is currently dating his daughter.”

“Good point. You have actually thought this through, haven’t you?”

“Fear does that to a person.”

The mood is lightened again and I can’t help but admire the strength she carries along with her. I can understand why Scott thinks she is the best thing to grace the surface of the earth, because she is absolutely stunning and underneath it all there is this kindness and strength that makes you listen. She is the kind of person you wouldn’t mind following into danger, because you know she will do everything she can to keep you safe.

“I am sorry if I am rubbing salt…”

“No, I don’t mind you asking, it is just… _not_ something I like talking about.”

“I know the feeling.”

“I guess we are doing alright… I mean I have lost two members of my family, but finding out _everything_ they have _done_ … it feels like we aren’t allowed to be sad, because how can you be sad people like them are gone?”

“Because they are your _family_ … no matter what they have done, they are still your family and you have known them your entire life, so every memory you have of them conflicts with what you have been told, but that doesn’t make your grief any less important or real.”

Allison takes a deep breath and I am not really sure what I am supposed to do. Do I hug her or do I just leave her be? It’s not like this is something that happens to you every day and I am not going to pretend that I am not happy they are gone, because they were horrible people, but as I said that doesn’t take anything away from them being family.

“There is something you should know. The Hunters’ Council has agreed that my dad an me helping you can be our punishment for…what _they_ did.”

“You make it sound like this isn’t how this usually goes.”

“It isn’t. Having family members do what my grandpa and Kate did, it would normally result in the family being expelled from the Hunter society and huge fines for whatever physical or psychological damage they have caused. The only reasons it hasn’t happened are the facts that my family are old and renowned and you showing goodwill towards my father by agreeing to let him train you… I guess I should thank you for that.”

Despite my _very_ lacking knowledge about how the Hunter Society works, it sounds like they are bunch of old-fashioned idiotic men who doesn’t understand that one family member’s actions doesn’t have anything to do with other family members’ opinions. Then again they have probably grown up with a silver spoon up their inbreed asses while being feed stories of the old glorious ways of the Hunters, so maybe it’s all just brainwashing and Stockholm syndrome.

“But how does this Hunters’ Council work? I mean it sounds like they can pretty much decide whatever they want on the behalf of all Hunters without consulting anybody, which in my opinion shouldn’t be possible in the 21st century.”

“It works like most counsels I am guessing, which means it is impossible to understand completely. But you know that there are some families that we call the old families, which means that the families descend from the original Hunters. All those families have one seat on the counsel and the member from the specific family that takes the seat is decided by the given family. It is usually done by voting among the adult members in the family, but it’s not all the families that use their seat on the Council at a given time, because most Hunters have a tendency to die young, so not all families have an adult member who can fulfill the requirements taking the seat demands.”

“I am starting to feel sorry for asking…”

That brings Allison out of whatever fact trance she has gotten herself into and it actually manages to make her laugh. Despite what you might think by hearing her little history lesson, it is just as new to her as it is to me, but for some reason she has decided that all the historical and political nonsense I want nothing to do with is the most interesting thing ever.

“You probably should start taking an interest all things considered.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your family has a seat on counsel.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your family is one of the original families; you have a seat on the counsel. There have even been rumors going around that someone is claiming your families’ seat on the counsel soon.”

I honestly don’t know what I am supposed to do with that. I knew my family was important, because everybody talks about the Aleksy line like they are the second coming and I understand the importance of standing up for the skinwalkers, hell, I am doing it, but I don’t want anything to do with any of the political shit. It’s not like anybody is going to listen to me anyway.

“I thought my family was extinct… I mean Deaton told me…”

“I don’t know any more than what the rumors say, but maybe you should talk to your mother about it? Maybe she knows?”

“I wouldn’t and won’t know if she does.”

“You still aren’t speaking to her?”

“Don’t say it like that! I don’t want anything to do with her and the rest of the world might not understand that but it doesn’t change anything.”

This is the point where Scott choses to come back and the expression on his face speaks of confusion and sadness, most likely because I am not looking all that calm by now. Allison on the other hand looks like she wants to slap some sense into me, but I don’t want to hear it. My mother is the one thing I am not going to let anybody bully me into changing my decision, until I am ready to do anything but ignore her if I ever am.

“Quit pouting Scott, nothing is wrong. We just don’t agree that Star Wars is the best series to have ever been created by humankind. I still can’t believe you would choose a girlfriend who doesn’t understand the beauty that is the old trilogy.”

Scott seems to calm down minimally, until Alison sends him one of those dimpled smiles that just make him resemble a puddle of goo. Then he hurries over and sits next to her kissing her like he hasn’t seen her for days instead of the five minutes that has passed since he pretended to leave.

The two of them are ridiculously and sometimes overly cute, but I can’t help but think that Derek and I aren’t going to have that. Sure, Derek likes cuddling more than I thought any grown human being could, but whenever other people are around he closes down completely. Not that I am going to complain, because I would like to keep my boyfriend alive and showing any kind of affecting in front of my dad could possibly land him in an early grave.

They also remind me of something I would rather ignore. Both Derek and I have been ignoring the prophecy like champs ever since it was mentioned in our presence, even if we probably should have some kind of discussion about what it means for our relationship.

But how do you handle it when you have just met somebody and you think that yeah it might be something, but you are just finding yourself and there is the age difference? It is just a hell of a lot of pressure to put on a barely established relationship, because being destined for each other sounds like something out of some fairytale and I would be laughing my ass off if everybody else didn’t seem to take it so damn seriously. Instead, I just want to forget it ever happened.

 

* * *

 

During my last class of the day, my lack of sleep has started to make itself shown because I am having trouble keeping my eyes open. It actually gets to the point where everything the teacher writes on the board just floats together in a big mess and we are not even five minutes into the period. I consider asking for a bathroom pass and going out and splashing some water in my face to try and keep myself awake, but I dismiss the idea telling myself that I have made it through worse.

Suddenly, I am back in the clearing and a part of me knows I am dreaming, but _I can’t wake up_. Everything around me is dark except for the damn spell circling I am standing in with the damn ceremonial knife in my hand. The familiar terror is spreading through my body and I can’t seem to control it when it starts moving. My heartbeat goes through the roof as I force the ceremonial knife into the ground covered in my blood and I just know something isn’t right. It does feel right.

When I look up and instead of Gerard and Kate being torn apart by their magic, it is everybody I love flying through the air. It is Derek, Scott, my dad and my grandparents being torn to pieces in front of me and I can’t do anything to stop it. Everything going through my mind is that it is my fault; it is me that killed them.

Then I am back in the classroom screaming with tears running down my cheeks. The panic is running through my body and I don’t sit still long enough to really think. All I know is that I need to move, I need to get out of here.

While desperately trashing away from my table I can see the fear on everybody’s faces and it makes me so damn ashamed, because what kind of person does this? I can hear my teacher screaming my name as my leg start moving and bring me further and further away from the classroom and from all the judgmental looks. I can’t be there right now. I can’t be anywhere right now.

So I run. I run for what feels like forever until the thoughts I am running from starts hits me anyway. It feels like being run over by something big and heavy and it makes me want to scream at the world. I know I have been drowning myself in make-belief in a desperately attempt to convince myself and everybody else that I am getting better, because I should be getting better, that’s what is supposed to happen. Only, I am not getting better.

I am getting worse.


	5. Days of Make-Belief pt. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter, because I loved writing the John/Stiles part <3 I am also really excited for the next couple of chapters, because I am introducing Peter Hale in the next chapter... and there is going to be some Sterek - I am not really sure what I am more excited for, but let's see how it all turns out. 
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos, because it makes me smile like a slightly crazy person <3  
> Tell me if I need to add any tags or warnings  
> And stay safe you lovely people <3

My legs keep moving and moving, while my mind barely register anything except those four words going on repeat: ‘I am getting worse’. Just admitting it to myself feels like a defeat and I am not really sure if I consciously understand what it means just yet.

My unconsciousness seems to understand it just fine, though, because when I finally stop running I am standing in front of the library. I almost start laughing, because my unconscious mind actually brought me straight to my freaking therapist. Some part of me must really want help.

At first, I just stand there, because I am not really sure how big a part of me wants to tell Ms. Morrell I am getting worse. It’s not that I expect her to be disappointed in me or anything, I know she wouldn’t be. She would probably be proud if anything. It’s me that’s the problem, because right now I can pretend that this isn’t real, but as soon as I say it out loud, as soon as I tell someone, it’s going to become too real to ignore… and I am not sure I am ready for that.

It’s not that I am kidding myself into thinking I can continue as before, but something is stopping me from walking in there and telling Ms. Morrell everything. I am not even sure that I am not ready… I think I am scared acknowledging it will make it worse. But at the same time I know that this can’t wait until Monday. I know I have to walk in there and ask for the help I need, even if I am scared shitless that they are going to admit me to the mental hospital.

Walking up those stairs and through the front door, it feels like the longest walk of my life. But then I am standing in front of the books I know so well and it strangely enough calms me a little. Looking around I can see Ms. Morrell and I am just about to turn around and walk away, when I force myself to find her.

I find her sitting by the helpdesk in the other end of the library where she is looking like she wants to murder an elderly gentleman. There is a small line, but before I even reach the desk, Ms. Morrell has reached me. She looks genuinely worried, so I must look as horrible as I feel.

“Do you have five minutes to talk...? I need to ask you something…”

She must be able to tell how distressed I am, because the next thing I know, she has told the little line of people that she is taking one of her breaks, before she starts dragging me towards the personals break area. On our way out, the other people start complaining, but Ms. Morrell sends them one look that pretty much says that she won’t be putting up with their shit. It makes me both impressed and a little scared of her.

The second we have sit down by the small table, she puts a hand on my shoulder to get my attention clearly wanting to know what has got me this riled up.

“What’s wrong?”

“I am sorry for coming here, I know you have a job and I am being an inconvenience…”

“Stiles, I want you to stop stalling and tell me what happened, okay?”

All the emotions running through my body suddenly feel like they have intensified violently. I don’t know how the hell I am going to make it through this conversation, because it feels like I am being torn apart from the inside out.

“I just feel completely… helpless. I mean I _finally_ overcome the panic attacks I started having after my mother left and now they are _back_ and they are freaking worse than ever… I didn’t tell you _everything_ the last time…”

“Are you trying to tell me you lied to me, Stiles?”

“No, I am just admitting that I have left some things out… lying by omission, it isn’t _really_ lying, right?”

“I don’t want to discuss your definition of lying, right now, Stiles. I need you to tell me what you left out during our last session.”

“The nightmares… they aren’t the same… they are getting worse. I am barely getting any sleep at this point… I even fell asleep during class, I woke up screaming and everybody… they looked like they thought I am an abomination and… I feel like a _freak_.”

My body has started shaking lightly and we both know it’s one of my signs for an upcoming panic attack. I hate taking about this. I hate feeling like this, but I can’t make it stop. I can’t make it go away like I can everything else and I don’t know what to do about it.

“Stiles, I need you to listen to me, can you do that?”

I must be nodding, because it doesn’t take long before she starts talking again and I am desperately trying to listen. I want to listen, but my mind is getting blurry.

“Stiles, what you are feeling, it does _not_ make you a freak, helpless or weak. It makes you one of the strongest people I have had the pleasure of knowing, because you _know you need help_. It has been one _month;_ that isn’t a hell of a lot of time to get over the fact that you accidentally killed two people, because it was an _accident._ On top of that you are dealing with your mother being back, finding out the supernatural world is very much real and knowing that you are a very big part of it. If you didn’t have some kind of reaction to this, I would be worried, so you need to cut yourself some goddamn _slack_ , because beating yourself up over something you shouldn’t be beating yourself up over isn’t going to help you get better any faster. Do you understand what I am saying?”

“I understand…”

Because it isn’t that I don’t understand what she has been telling me, but it doesn’t change that I feel like I should be getting better by now and I don’t know how to make it stop. I don’t know how to make that part of my mind understand that this is how it’s supposed to be.

“Why do I feel like this? Like I am supposed to be getting better even if I understand what you are saying to me? Logically what you are saying… it _makes sense_!”

“Stiles, emotions aren’t logical… you can’t just expect to rationally know something and have your emotions follow suit, because it isn’t that simple. All of these things are going to take time…”

“I hate feeling like this…”

“And it’s completely understandable, but you can’t let it win… you have to keep fighting to get better, because someday you are actually going to feel better, remember that.”

I nod and wonder when that someday is going to be, because right now it feels like something intangible in some far away future, I can’t even picture.

 

* * *

 

After saying goodbye to Ms. Morrell, who seems incredibly hesitant to let me go anywhere she can’t keep a close eye on me. It’s not that I blame her, I mean I did show up at her work in the middle of the day inches away from completely losing it and she is aware that nobody at home knows anything about what is going on inside my head. I would be worried too if I were her, except I know I am too stubborn to let it destroy me.

As soon as I walk through the door, I see my dad sitting in the kitchen looking through the paper, but he doesn’t really look all that focused. It’s pretty obvious that he is waiting for me and I am not quite sure I want to know why. I hate it when he worries.

“Hey dad, how was your day?”

“Hello son, you know it was fine until Scott called me.”

It’s instantly clear that this is going to be one of those conversations I really don’t want to have, because Scot never calls my dad unless something is wrong and the only thing that has happened today is the freaking nightmare in the middle of class and that’s something I really don’t want to talk to my dad about. Now, the only thing I can do at this point is feign ignorance and hope Scott didn’t just roll over and tell him everything.

“Really, Scott called? What did he want?”

“He wanted to know if I had seen you today, he sounded really worried. Do you have any idea what that is about?”

“Nah, maybe I should give him a call later.”

“Well, I actually pressed Scott a little and he told me that you had a nightmare during your last period today. He also told me that it was so bad that you ran out of class looking pale enough to pass for a living dead and hasn’t answered any of his calls since.”

The first thing going through my mind is ‘pressed a little my ass’, but then I remember how nervous Scott gets whenever my dad as much as looks at him disappointed. Scott probably rolled over the second my dad started asking questions; worst best friend ever.

“Stiles, what is going on? Are you doing alright?”

“It’s nothing, it really is. Therapy… it _drains_ me and I haven’t been sleeping so well, but I know it is going to take time, but I _am fine_.”

“I have never told you this, but the first time I saw another human being die… I had nightmares too. It happened while I was on duty during one of my first shifts back when I was a deputy, we got called out to a domestic abuse case and we found the wife bleeding out… the bastard just stabbed her. It turned out he was bipolar and refused to take his medicine, so he had an paranoid episode where he… thought his wife was cheating on him and just… stabbed her.”

This might be the first time my dad has told me anything about any of the horrible things I know he sees on his job. It might not be every day the way it is for some cops in the big cities, but I can tell whenever he has had a bad day at work… he gets so _quiet._ And I want to do something, but I know he wouldn’t tell me anything no matter how much I want to help.

“How did you get past it?”

“You never really get past it; you learn to live with it and you accept that you can’t change what happened no matter how much you wish you could. I have learned that you can’t stop people from hurting each other, but you can make sure they don’t get away it; you can make sure they never do it again and that’s the reason I keep doing my job, because I am doing everything I can to make sure that they don’t hurt anybody.”

“I am guessing you are going to go with the whole it takes time approach too?”

“It sounds like you have heard it before.”

“Yeah, at this point I am pretty sure it has become Ms. Morrell’s mantra whenever I am around. But she is… helping, she is helping me.”

“I am glad, kid, but you have to know that you can always come to me if you need someone to talk to. I want you to.”

It makes me happy that we have gotten to the point where we can finally talk to each other. For so long I felt like we were miles apart even when we sitting a few feet apart, because he was so lost in whatever it was he was feeling. He still doesn’t talk about it, but I know he feels about leaving me to fend on my own for so long.

“I will, dad… I will.”

But I don’t want him to worry, so even when I am saying it, I know I won’t. He already has the entire town resting on his shoulders and I don’t want to add to that. Besides I don’t know how I am going to explain any of this shit to him without actually telling him everything and I don’t think me or my dad is ready for him to know everything.

During the next thirty seconds, my dad goes from being rather relaxed to looking _really_ uncomfortable and I am pretty sure there are only two things that could evoke such a reaction in my dad; Derek and my mother. And I am pretty sure I am not going to like where this conversation is heading no matter who he brings up.

“So how are you handling your mother being back in town?”

“My mother…”

“Yes, you know the woman you failed to mention was back in town? Did you really think you could keep it a secret that my ex-wife is in town? I am not Sheriff for a reason and it’s not because I am stupid or inattentive!”

How to get out of this one without pissing off my dad further, because it is true that I haven’t mentioned my mother being in town, but I just figured he knew. I mean he is the Sheriff…

“I didn’t really keep it a secret…”

“Stiles, you didn’t tell me…”

“Which is more omission than anything else… I know this is going to come out shitty no matter how I say, but I didn’t think it was something we needed to talk about.”

“And why exactly didn’t you think we needed to talk about the fact that your mother, who neither of us as seen in years, is suddenly back in town?”

“Because I don’t want anything to do with her!”

I am pretty sure the last part comes out as more yelling than anything else and I regret it instantly, because my dad looks torn between surprise and hurt and I am not really sure why. I honestly thought he would be happy I didn’t want anything to do with her, I mean the woman pretty much destroyed our lives because she figured she could make decisions on people’s behalves.

“I mean it, dad. I don’t want her to be a part of my life, but I am talking to Ms. Morrell about it, okay? I am not doing anything stupid; I have it covered.”

“Kid, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but you aren’t the only one she left, so her being back it affects the both of us.”

“I know, but everything between us is finally getting better and I don’t want her to ruin it.”

“Stiles, I am not going to pretend that I like that she is back, I don’t. But I am handling it better than her leaving, okay? You don’t have to worry about me or the two of us; it’s going to be alright.”

A small part of me wants to believe him so bad, because he is my dad, he is supposed to take care of me. But the other larger part of me is screaming that I need to take care of myself, because I have never been able to rely on other people to take care of me, so why should it change? I know the second voice is wrong; logically I know that, but emotionally I am still fighting it. Because I finally have people I can count on, so now I just need to convince myself of it.

“Did you have a good day at work, dad?”

“I am going to overlook the very obvious change in subject this once, son. My day was fine.”

“So the mayoral election isn’t going to go to hell again?”

“Stiles, you know I can’t talk about this.”

“Well, it is just natural to be curious when our last mayor turned out to be a raging psychopath who tried to murder our previous mayor in an evil plot for world domination.”

My dad’s ‘I am very unimpressed with you’ look doesn’t real do anything for me, or at least it doesn’t do what my dad is hoping, because it only makes me want to laugh. But honestly after everything that has gone down with Gerard, I really hope the next mayoral person isn’t going to be mentally unstable, because I am not really sure I could handle a repeat of last time.

“This stays between us, but I think it is going to be fine no matter who gets elected of the candidates. None of them are from out of town and everybody seems descent.”

Well, compared to Gerard Argent everybody I going to seem descent, so that doesn’t really say much. It takes a lot for me not to say that out loud, but I think I am getting on my dad’s nerves as it is and I don’t feel like pushing it right now.

Now for the reason I am not going to push my dad, at least until I turn eighteen.

“Just to let you know, Derek will be stopping by tomorrow during the afternoon, so please stop pretending to be cleaning your shotgun whenever he shows up.”

“That was just a coincidence!”

“I might have believed that the first or second time were coincidences, but the third, fourth and fifth time… hell no!”

“Well, then I am just going to remind you of the rules. Rule number one: If you stay in your bedroom, the door will be open at all times. Rule number two: All activities that could lead to me arresting said boyfriend won’t ever happen.”

This has to be the twentieth time we are having this conversation and you would think it would get less frustrating as time went on, but no, it’s not happening. Every time my dad has to remind me that me and my boyfriend are strictly speaking edging on statutory rape, I want to punch him in the face, because I am very aware of the fact in the first place seeing as everybody else seems very comfortable throwing it in my face too. Well, everybody except my friends.

“Dad, I am turning _eighteen_ in _a month._ ”

“Well, if you actually care about each other and your relationship, you should be able to keep it in your pants for the next thirty days, now shouldn’t you?”

“That was totally out of line!”

How can he say that! He has no idea how Derek and I feel about it each other and yes we need to keep in our pants for the next circa thirty days, but that’s not what this is about! Yes, I want to sleep with my incredibly hot boyfriend, but most of all, I just want my dad to actually trust that I am not going to do something that is going to jeopardize my relationship.

“I know, I am sorry… You know that I love what Derek has done for you, because you seem so much happier whenever he is around. I honestly haven’t seen you smile like that in so long, it just… it makes me happy. But I don’t like the idea of a twenty-something dating my teenage son, because everything I know tells me that it means that you could very easily be taken advantage of and that is the last thing I want. I love you, kid.”

“I love you too and… we will play by your rules for now.”

“Thank you.”

“I think it’s nice that we are talking again; I missed it.”

“Me too, kid. Me too.”

My dad gives me a one armed hug before proceeding towards the fridge. Over the past months, I have had more dinners with my dad than over the last three years, but it is nice. Even if we can never agree on what we are going to have, because my dad has this obsession with food that is going to kill him and I can’t say I am a big fan of that idea, so I try to keep it out of the house.

“What do you say to steaks tonight? I could fire up the grill…”

“Dad, I am not letting you have red meat…”

“Stiles, I am the adult in this house and that means I get to decide…”

“That you get to eat food that could kill you? This isn’t for fun, dad. Your doctor told you that you need to lower your cholesterol…”

“I am not eating that rabbit’s food again, Stiles!”

Right when I am about to yell at my dad for jeopardizing his own health, his phone starts ringing and he sends me a look saying ‘this isn’t over, kid’. He does look a little surprised when he checks the caller ID, but he answers the phone quickly.

“Hello Melissa, I thought you were working tonight.”

It hits me that it’s Scott’s mom Melissa who is calling and I know she is working tonight, because Scott is making dinner for Allison tonight at his house. Scott has been freaking out over his lacking culinary skills the entire week, so I made some sauce and meatballs for him that he could heat up leaving only boiling the pasta for him to do.

“You are working… but why are you…”

Then his expression goes from relaxed to worried, and I know something is wrong. I also know that the chance of him telling me what this is about is zero, but that has never and will never stop me from trying to find out.

“Yeah, I will be there in ten minutes. Bye.”

He hangs up before looking over at me with an apologetic smile, because I know he was looking forward to a quiet night in just the two of us, but that isn’t going to happen.

“I am so sorry kid, but I have to leave.”

“What’s it about?”

“It’s nothing to worry about, just a routine police thing.”

“But why did Melissa call you then? Why didn’t she just call the station and have one of the deputies handle it?”

“I know this sucks kid, but I am the Sheriff and this is part of the job description…”

“I know, but you better not be picking up anything on your way home; I am making lasagna and there will be something in the fridge for you to heat up when you get home.”

“That’s a deal, kid. See you tomorrow, okay?”

I nod, but I hate seeing him walk out of the door. It doesn’t feel right and I don’t believe him when he says it is just a routine thing, because he seems off and the only reason Melissa would call my dad in the first place is if something bad is happening at the hospital and that can’t be good no matter what. I hate not knowing what is going on and I hate it when my dad leaves without telling me anything; it makes me too nervous to really focus on anything else.

But I can’t afford to think about my dad being in danger, I can’t afford to think about anything bad happening right now, so all I can do is pretend that none of this is happening and try and forget for a few hours. I am most likely not going to succeed, but that’s life.


	6. A Surprise Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first appearance of Peter Hale and I am loving writing creepy :D There is also some Sterek and a slight amount of angst (okay maybe a little more than a slight amount, but whatever). I hope you like it :)
> 
> Please keeping leaving comments and kudos, I love hearing from you guys (it always makes me smile :))  
> Please tell me if I should add any tags or warnings
> 
> Stay safe lovely people <3

The next morning feels like any Saturday morning in my life lately. I wake up and do the physical therapy I am supposed to do for my leg, which my dad keeps forcing me to do even if it’s starting to feel a bit redundant considering all the training I am doing with Chris Argent.

But physical therapy really has done wonders for the whole getting shot in the leg thing, plus I have a weird suspicion that whatever is in those blended things Deaton is trying to pass off as smoothies has done wonders for my healing, but I haven’t really had the courage to ask, because I am not really sure if I want to know.

The doctors seems to think that I have some sort of magical healing ability, because they look dangerously suspicious every time I show up for checkups. All the questions are getting old, but I am not about to tell anybody that I think the local vet is giving me something edging on suspicious that might be the cause of my potent healing abilities and I am pretty sure Deaton appreciates it.

Right when I am to start my post physical therapy snack, someone knocks on the door and me being lazy means that I don’t really see the point in putting some clothes in order to yell at whatever person is standing on the other side of that door for interrupting my lovely ritual.

It turns out that I don’t really feel like yelling all that much once I open the door, because my lovely ruggedly handsome boyfriend is standing on the other side. For a split second I catch myself feeling self-conscious about the whole almost naked thing, but that is sort of overshadowed by the need to kiss my ruggedly handsome boyfriend.

But when I lean in to kiss him, Derek decides that pushing me away is the best option, which I don’t really understand. He hasn’t really opted for not kissing me when he has had a choice.

“You need to put a shirt on.”

“Excuse me?!”

I have to say that one _really_ hurt, because you really don’t want your boyfriend telling you to put on _more_ clothes when you are standing in front of him in nothing but a towel. No matter how good you feel about yourself that just feels like a slap in the face.

“We can’t risk you dad seeing us kissing while you’re only wearing a towel.”

As much as that makes sense, I just really want to punch him in the face and ask what the hell has got him on edge, because this isn’t like him. This isn’t what is supposed to happen when you catch you boyfriend in a towel. No, what is supposed to happen is that you kiss him breathless until you have to tear yourself away, because you have to stop or you won’t be able to stop. And yes I might have played out this scenario in my head on multiple occasions, but I never expected… _this_.

After putting some clothes on, Derek comes into my room and starts looking more interested in my book collection that actually spending time with me, which confuses the hell out of me. I have seen him awkward around my dad, sure, but that has been because he didn’t want my dad to hate him for dating his teenage son. This is different and I don’t know what to do about it.

“So do you have any plans for us to do?”

“Not really…”

“Anything you want to do?”

“I don’t really feel like talking, so why don’t we just watch a movie.”

This just adds to the already uncomfortable feeling that my boyfriend doesn’t really want to be with me right now and that just _hurts_. I never want to be someone he feels like he has to be around, because I am never going to feel that way about him. I am always going to want him around.

“I need you to listen to me, okay? I don’t want to be obligation, so if you don’t want to be here, you should just leave _right now_.”

My outburst seems to surprise Derek, but he does look instantly guilty. Derek walks over and puts his arms around my shoulders and kisses my forehead, which calms me down a little, but the uneasiness is still making my skin crawl.

“I am sorry, I want to be here… I just haven’t slept well.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“Some water would be nice?”

I hate it when we fight, so I send him a small smile, before walking down stairs to the kitchen hoping things will be better when I come upstairs. I want to be there for him when he is feeling down like this, but it’s hard when he doesn’t tell me what’s bothering him.

Right when I have managed to find a decently clean glass, the doorbell rings, so during the small walk from the kitchen to the front door I prepare myself to get rid of whatever person ended up on our doorstep as fast as possible.

The moment, I reach the front door and grab the door knob, I can hear Derek moving around upstairs, but I don’t really think about it. I probably wouldn’t even have noticed, if I didn’t hear him shout my name at the same time. But right when I have opened the door, Derek is standing at the bottom of the stairs looking slightly panicky, which I don’t really understand.

The confusion continues, when I find a man in his late thirties standing on the other side smiling like he knows me, while I haven’t seen him before in my life. He is actually quite handsome if you can look past the whole slightly crazy vibe he is sending out that is freaking me out

“What do you want?”

“Well, Stiles, I am here to visit you.”

“Visit me? I don’t even know you…”

“I have to say I am disappointed, Derek. You haven’t even mentioned your dear uncle?”

Uncle? I glance back at Derek who looks about ready to murder whoever this, but I am still not really sure I follow. They clearly seem to know each other, but who is this guy? He can’t be Derek’s uncle, because his entire family died…

“Seeing as my nephew has got no manners whatsoever, I better introduce myself; I am Peter Hale. It’s lovely to meet you, Stiles.”

Nobody says anything; they only really do this weird staring thing and there might be some growling involved, but I am not really sure. They don’t really move though, and I have to say my mind really isn’t following anything that is happening at the moment, because what the hell does this even mean? Derek clearly isn’t telling me something, but what the hell is going on with this supposedly uncle that is starting to freak me out?!

“I really don’t understand anything of what’s going on at the moment, so would somebody _please_ start filling me in?”

“Stiles, this is my uncle Peter. He is my mother’s brother and I thought he died with the rest of my family, so you are not the only one who would like some answers.”

“Oh, you know how it is nephew; pretending to be dead gives you so many lovely pieces information. But I have to say that the news of your return home and your new relationship might have been the best I have gotten in a long time.”

Derek looks about ready to rip his uncle a new one and I am not really sure why. I am also not really sure how I am going to explain my boyfriend killing his uncle, who everybody thinks is dead, in my house. So I have to do something. I am just not really sure what that something is.

“What do you want, Peter?”

“Can’t an uncle just stop by to say hello to his nephew?”

“You let me think you were dead…”

“That’s just details.”

Right now, I don’t know if it is the creepy smile or the way he makes me feel like prey about to get eaten whenever he looks at me, but Peter Hale makes me want to run away screaming. So I am really hoping he is just passing through, because I get the feeling that it might be for the best for everybody if he never set foot in Beacon Hills again.

“I have to say I was excited when I found out you had finally found someone, but I have say, Derek. He does seem a bit… _young_ for your usual tastes.”

For some reason, those words just makes me angrier than I think I should be, but I don’t manage to stop myself before I am opening my mouth, when I probably should just stay quiet.

“Seeing as you didn’t mind screwing Kate Argent, I am not really sure what that says about your taste. I mean, young and psychopathic aren’t really what I could go for, but you don’t exactly seem all that stable yourself, so…”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know I am in trouble, because Peter looks down right murderous. From the way his muscles are tensing up and his weight is shifting forward, it is obvious he is about to rip my head off, and I know I don’t stand a chance.

I am nowhere ready to take on a skinwalker as experienced as Peter, but I catch myself desperately trying to remember everything Chris has been trying to teach me, but before I can do anything, Derek storms forward and knocks Peter backwards into our front yard.

They are both growling loudly and I have no idea what I am supposed to do with the two grown men rolling around, because I am pretty sure Derek just saved my life by attacking his own uncle and as grateful as I am, I am not really sure how I am supposed to feel about it. From the looks of it, Peter appears as surprised as I am, but that doesn’t stop him from fighting Derek.

“Kate and Gerard are dead!”

For some reason, those words seem to have some sort of magical power over Peter, because he suddenly stops fighting back. He looks almost intrigued as if he didn’t think his nephew had it in him to finish off the people who hurt his family.

Derek slowly starts backing away from Peter until I can feel his back against my chest. Derek still has his weight forward and he making himself as wide as possible trying to shield me, so he is clearly trying to show his uncle that he won’t let anybody hurt me, but I can’t help but feeling utterly lost at the moment. What the hell is happening?

“Gerard and Kate are _dead_ ; Stiles helped bring them down…”

“I am guessing Peter’s a skinwalker too?”

“Why the hell does your fuck toy know about us, Derek?”

“He isn’t a fuck toy, Peter! He is my boyfriend!”

Right now, I really wish I would just learn to keep my mouth shut, because I feel like every time I open it I make everything worse right now. I only have one idea how to fix this, but I am pretty sure that one has a huge chance of biting me in the ass too – but it is the only one I have got.

“I am Aleksy…”

That seems to be a magic word, because Peter goes from murderous to intrigued in about two seconds flat. He actually looks a bit too happy for my taste, but at least it seems to have stopped the urge to rip out mine and Derek’s throats temporarily.

“So you are Claudia’s boy… how is she doing?”

“Well, she is back in town, so why don’t you just ask her.”

Looking at Peter’s expression, I regret saying anything, because Peter seems a little too excited at the prospect of seeing my mother again. This is clearly about something I know nothing about, but I am pretty sure that my theory about it biting me in the ass might be very plausible right about now, because all of my instincts tell me this isn’t good. This is bad.

“From the looks of it, I seem to have overstayed my welcome. I will see you boys another time.”

Right then Peter just walks away and I don’t know what to do with myself, mostly because I don’t understand any of what just went down. The sense of confusion doesn’t lessen when Derek suddenly turns around and drags me inside, while making sure the door is locked before touching me all over. The touching part would normally be very welcome, but right now it feels more like an examination than my boyfriend touching me and I am not too crazy about it

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I am making sure you are alright…”

“Have you ever thought about just asking me?”

“Stiles…”

“No! You do not get to treat me like a freaking china doll right now!”

“Stiles, I am just worried…”

“And Chris freaking Argent beats my ass up on a daily basis - I am _fine_!”

God, I want to punch his perfect face right!

 

* * *

 

After thirty minutes of calming down, Derek and I finally start watching the movie we agree to watch earlier. Things are still awkward and I haven’t forgiven him for treating me like I am breakable, but I don’t want him to leave and he hasn’t made a move to leave, so we just silently agree to ignore whatever happened for now.

Around 3 o’clock my dad texts me that he is working late, which doesn’t make the nagging feeling that this new case is bigger than he wants to admit. It makes me feel a mix of worry and suspicion, because my dad only keeps me out of his work whenever he thinks it is dangerous, so it doesn’t really indicate anything good.

So it’s only me and Derek for dinner and everything is a bit… _quiet_ for me. But I am not really sure how I am supposed to ask the questions floating around in my mind, because how do you ask your boyfriend about his suddenly not so dead uncle without sounding like an ass?

“What’s the deal with Peter?”

Derek doesn’t exactly look too pleased that I am bringing up the subject, but he doesn’t bite of my head, so I am taking that as a victory.

“I am not really sure yet. I thought he died with the rest of my family during the massacre, but he turned up about a week ago saying he wants to be a part of my life. I told him I don’t want anything to do with him and he actually stayed away until today, so I actually thought he left town again.”

“So you knew he wasn't dead when you meet him today?”

Derek nods, but he doesn’t look up from his plate, which makes me want to slap him. Every instinct tells me that there is something he isn’t telling me, but I don’t know why. I mean, I thought we had gotten to the point where we trust each other.

“Why don’t you trust me?”

That seems to get Derek’s attention, because he instantly looks me in the eyes. But confusion is edged into his face, which makes me even more annoyed, because he doesn’t even realize he is doing it. It’s just his default setting to not trust me and that hurts more than I want to admit.

“What do you mean?”

“You have seemed on edge all week, which I honestly thought had something to do with me, but it fits the Peter timeline, so I am guessing that is the reason. Plus, you haven’t told me about him. You haven’t even _mentioned_ him, which means that either you don’t trust Peter or you don’t trust me, so I am really hoping for Peter right about now.”

“I just don’t understand why Peter would show up _now._ Why let everything think he is dead for so long, when he is fine? After the massacre Laura and I… we were completely alone, we had absolutely no one to turn to; we needed him so badly at that point, so why didn’t he come to us? I mean, maybe he could have prevented...”

Derek, instantly, looks like he _really_ wasn’t supposed to say that, but he tries to hide that he stopped midsentence by taking a bite.

“But how did physical therapy go anyway? You are almost done, right?”

“Do you really think I am that stupid? Because you must think I am _freaking_ _retarded_ not to notice what you just did! Do you have any idea how much that hurts?!”

“Stiles…”

“No, you do not get to that! What were you going to say? Does this have anything to do with whatever happened to Laura?”

“I don’t want to talk about this, so I want you to please respect that.”

I am not entirely sure if I can explain why I feel as angry as I do when he says those worse. I am not sure I can explain the terror going through me either, but it feels like it consuming me. My own boyfriend is pretty much telling me that he doesn’t trust me enough to share this with me or he doesn’t think I am worry telling the truth, but I am not sure which would hurt more. But I don’t want to find out. I don’t want to sit around waiting for Derek to end this, because I am already too invested in this relationship; more than he is at least.

“Then maybe we should just say goodbye now then, because if you don’t want to talk about this, I don’t want to sit in front of you pretending I am fine with you keeping such a big part of your life a secret from me when you say you trust me.”

At this point, I don’t really know what I expected to happen, but it isn’t this. It isn’t Derek standing up without saying a word and walking out without even looking back once. It isn’t this consuming feeling of abandonment that threatens to tear me apart from the inside out.

The guilt is building up too, because I feel like a horrible person for doing what I just did to someone I care about, but I know how this is going to play out. I am just going to end it now before it hurts too much to get dumped when Derek has gotten sick of me.

The tears come as soon as the door closes behind him and it feels like my entire world is falling apart. It feels like the only thing that has been holding me together this long has been torn out of my body leaving me bleeding and vulnerable. Every instinct tells me I should call somebody, get help, but I can’t even move. I can’t even believe this is happening.

 

* * *

 

I don’t know how long I sit there by the table looking into nothingness, but the doorbell ringing pulls me out of whatever funk I am in. My mind instantly goes to Derek, because the twisted part of me that loves to punish myself can’t help but hope that it’s Derek who has come back to apologize. But right now hope is all I have got, so I can’t help but cling to it.

Opening the door and revealing who is standing on the other side feels like getting the air sucked out of me, because Derek isn’t standing on the other side of the door waiting to make up. No the person on the other side of the door is probably the one person I can’t handle seeing right now; it’s my mother. My freaking mother.

“Why don’t you just go to hell already!”

My grip on the door has tightened and I am ready to close the door in the face, when her hands hits the door hard keeping it open. That’s when I look into her eyes for the first time and I am not really sure what I am supposed to do with what I see. Her eyes are radiating worry and something must have happened, because I have never seen her like this before.

“What do you want?”

“No matter what you think of me, you need to stay away from Peter Hale.”

“It’s not like I am going to go looking for the guy…”

“No, you don’t know him, he is trouble, Stiles. He is serious trouble.”

That’s when she turns around and walks away. For I don’t know what time today I feel like screaming at the world, because why do people keep doing this to me! You can’t just walk up to someone say something and then walk away! ARGH!

Right when I am about to close the door behind me my phone lets me know that I have gotten a text. My first instinct is to leave it for tomorrow, because I am not really in a mood to handle any kind of people at the moment.

But then I notice that it’s from Derek and my heart starts beating like crazy. This could be anything from a break-up to him apologizing and I am not really sure I am ready for either, because I can’t lose him, but I am not ready to forgive him either.

I open the text anyway and those six words make me take a deep breathe:

 

**This doesn’t mean we are over.**


	7. An Uphill Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is pretty much the fallout from the last chapter, some Sterek fighting and there some more information concerning what is happening with the Sheriff's case - what do you think is going on at the hospital? 
> 
> Please keep leaving comments and kudos - they make me smile :)  
> Tell me if I need to add tags or warnings  
> And stay safe all you lovely people <3

For the first time ever, I am early for practice the next morning. The expression on Deaton’s face is priceless when I pull up in my baby. He actually looks twice just to make sure that it’s actually me and if it wasn’t for the anger and frustration twisting around under my skin I might have even really loved this moment. Instead, the only thing going through my mind is those six words from last night, because I haven’t heard from Derek again since.

The part of me that is head over heels crazy for Derek whispers that he is just trying to reassure me that everything is okay between us, but the bigger part of me that doubts everything about our relationship is screaming that he is just trying to control me. The simple thought of him trying to control our relationship makes me jumpy and so full of excess energy that I even considered running here to calm down instead of climbing the walls all day. Because what does it say about our relationship that he would even want to control it? It can’t be healthy.

When I walk around the corner, Chris has just finished setting up everything for our practice. Opposite Deaton he doesn’t let his surprise show, but he does seem a little more pleased to see me than I am necessarily comfortable with. Usually hat smile means that I am going to get my ass handed to me especially hard, but right now I am just relieved that the balance beam is nowhere in sight. I doubt my temper would be up for me falling over my own right now.

Since neither Chris nor I are particularly into small talk, we get started without saying much. Practice turns out to involve me punching a punching bag instead of me being one for once, so the whole ordeal ends up being strangely therapeutic. Surprisingly enough, Chris actually seems to be picking up on my need to let out pent up aggression by punching things, because he has this worried thing going on, which really isn’t a good look for him.

“I have to say you seem particularly motivated today.”

“Well, maybe I have just found that need for punching things you seem so fond off.”

Technically, it might not be _things_ as much as some _body_ I feel the need to punch in the face today. It’s not just the text really or the lack of cooperation on his end, because the real thing that pisses me off is Derek’s need to keep secrets from me.

I know I am a pot calling a kettle black, because I am keeping secrets too. At the end of the day, I am keeping my PTSD diagnoses a secret from him even if I know I should tell him. It might end up with him thinking I am too much trouble to stay around for, but it’s still a secret.

Maybe that’s even why I should tell me, to end things. Because I can already feel that I am getting too invested in this relationship too fast, but I wouldn’t mind if it felt like Derek was right there with me, but I don’t. It feels like he is miles behind me driving in the opposite direction and that is scaring the living shit out of me.

“You do realize that punching things aren’t going to change things. Sure, it might make you feel better momentarily, but, in the end, the only thing that is going to fix whatever is bothering you is communication. Talking really is the best long-term solution despite what people think.”

“I know it is, but I don’t know to talk about _any_ of this. Every time I try it always ends with a big fight and… it gets _worse_.”

“I wish I could help you, Stiles, but I am not sure I am the right person for this.”

Yeah, I am pretty sure I don’t want to talk about my relationship issues with Chris any more than he wants me to talk to him about my relationship issues. I mean I am technically dating a skinwalker and even if Chris has been civil concerning Scott dating his daughter, I am pretty sure he hasn’t become any fonder of them in the meantime.

“My mother stopped by last night.”

“Stiles, I am not going to talk to you about your problems with your mother any more than I am going to talk to you about whatever problems you are having with Derek Hale.”

“No, that’s not why I brought this up - I still don’t want anything to do with her – but she stopped by last night to warn me about Peter Hale.”

I have no idea what Peter has done, but his name sure as hell get their attention faster than I expected. Ms. Davis, Deaton and Chris all suddenly look a lot more interested in what I am saying that they did two seconds ago, so I am really hoping they have some kind of explanation for whatever this connection between Peter and my mother is, because I sure as hell don’t understand it.

“Stiles, why would your mother warm you against Peter Hale?”

“Peter showed up at my house yesterday to taunt Derek. I guess I must have mentioned my mother being in town and he must have sought her out after he left, because she showed up a couple of hours later warning me to stay the hell away from him because he is ‘ _trouble’_ , whatever that means.”

“Claudia was right to warn you. Peter is mentally unstable if you want put it nicely and there has been whispers going around the Hunter community about him… let’s just say that it’s better if you stay away from him.”

“Chris, what rumors are you talking about? Is this something I need to know?”

From the rather intense looks my three mentors are sending in each other’s’ directions, they seem to have having some kind of silent conversation, which doesn’t exactly put me at ease. The only reason they would keep this from me is if this is _bad_ and they think it would put me in danger. It makes me ask myself what the hell Peter is up to, because they seem almost scared of him.

“There have been rumors that Peter has been taking revenge on the Hunter community because of how they handled the Hale family murder. It seems that he has been killing young Hunters from prominent families.”

“Prominent families? What does that even mean?”

“He is killing the heirs to the Council families.”

Ms. Davis sounds so disgusted when she says those words it takes me by surprise. It also scared the living shit out of me, because this means Peter is a murderer. He actually _murdered_ people.

“Why would you think he is doing this? I mean, he didn’t exactly seem mentally stable or anything when I met him, but he didn’t really scream murdering psychopath either.”

“From what I have been told, he hasn’t exactly been… subtle about the whole thing, but since it hasn’t confirmed if he has been alive or not until now, we haven’t been able to do much.”

It honestly feels like I have just stepped into some crazy ass thriller or something, because what the hell does this even mean? Derek mentioned that the Hunter community didn’t do much to help the Hales after the massacre, but they didn’t officially know that it was the Argents who killed them either, so I am not entirely sure what they were supposed to do.

But what does this mean for me? Why would my mother feel that it’s important enough to warn me about some guy who is probably just passing through town considering the state of our relationship? Unless she doesn’t think he is passing through town and he might be planning something that involves me, but what would he want from me?

“What does all of this mean anything for me?”

“I don’t know, Stiles. I have no idea what’s going on in Peter’s mind, but you are a Hunter and your mother’s family does belong on the Council… but I don’t know.”

 

* * *

 

The rest of our practice has a strange dark air hanging over it. Nobody really says much, but we all know that things might have gotten a lot more serious a lot faster than we expected. Depending on what happens with Peter, I might have to do some things I am not sure I am ready for.

What do you even do when your boyfriend’s uncle is a possible psychopath? Should I tell Derek about it or is this one of those things that is just going to cause us to fight more? Is he going to blame me for not telling him if something happens to Peter? I mean, he probably would, but I am not exactly sure how I am supposed to tell him any of this.

The tension goes up a nudge, when Derek comes to pick me up, because I didn’t expect him to show up today after everything that went down yesterday between us. I am not really sure I want to see him at this point, because I haven’t really decided how I feel about our fight and the text yet. At this point, I am still edging towards punching him in the face with the only negative being that it might cause more damage to my hand than his face.

“Hey, are you ready to leave?”

Right then, I am too focused on Derek to even notice Chris walking towards Derek and me, before he is walking past us. He is clearly moving towards the clinic, so I am not expecting it when he sends Derek one of his murderous looks before opening his mouth.

“Derek, you need to keep your uncle in check or I am going to have to report him to the council. You know the rules.”

Right then I want to punch Chris in the face, because why the hell did he feel the need to bring up the one thing that is definitely going to end in a humongous fight between Derek and me. At this point, I can already feel the anger rolling off Derek in waves, because I am pretty sure he didn’t want me to bring up his uncle to a member of the family that got the rest of his family killed.

“Stiles, why _the hell_ would you tell Chris about Peter?!”

“I don’t want to talk to you, right now.”

“Oh, I don’t care what you want _right now_. How could you do this? Peter is the only family I have left and you talk to Chris _Argent_ about him!”

“My freaking mother showed up last night to warn me about _your uncle_ and today Chris told me that Peter is the suspect in the death of young hunters from Council families…”

“Like you even care about the idiotic Council!”

“ _My family_ has a seat on the _idiotic_ Council even if we aren’t using it at the moment. That means _I am a part of the Council families_ , Derek! I am technically a freaking hunter!”

The words seem to shock Derek enough to get him to back off slightly as he pales drastically. It hurts to say those words, mostly because I know Peter is Derek’s family, but what am I supposed to do? In the end, I can’t risk getting caught up whatever revenge Peter Hale has got going on that might cost me my life no matter how much I don’t want to believe he is a risk.

“Peter wouldn’t hurt you…”

“Derek…”

“No! Peter wouldn’t hurt you, he knows how much you matter to me.”

“ _I_ don’t even know if I matter to you, so how the hell is your uncle supposed to know?!”

The frustration boils over no matter how much I try to prevent it. But it’s true. At this point, I don’t know if Derek feels the same way about me as I do about him, because I might not have a lot of experience with the whole relationship business, but I am pretty sure your boyfriend is supposed to be a priority; not somebody you push away whenever you don’t feel like it.

When he left yesterday he ripped up all those wounds I don’t like admitting I have. I might have asked him to leave, but he wasn’t just supposed to walk out; he was supposed to fight for me. He was supposed to tell me that all the other shit doesn’t matter, but instead he made it clear that I am not a priority; I am not important to him.

“I know that I have sucked as a boyfriend, but I don’t have that much experience…”

“I don’t have _any_ experience _period!_ I am the freaking awkward kid in class who probably wouldn’t have any friends if it wasn’t for the fact for my best friend being the most popular guy in school. On top of that I have a dad who haven’t really pay attention to me _for years_ and a mother who left without any kind of explanation until now.”

“But…”

“No! I know, we _both_ have enough issues for a small country, but _we have to communicate_ or we might as well call it quits now.”

Right now, Derek looks ready to bolt and I am not sure what I am going to do if he does. I am not sure my heart could take him walking away from me again so soon.

“I can’t do this right now…”

“You can’t be serious!”

“I have to meet with the other skinwalkers to train.”

“Well, why don’t you come find me when you are ready to make your boyfriend a priority again because I am done with running after you like a love sick puppy!?”

“Stiles, please don’t do this…”

“If you actually trusted me as much as you claim to, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, so why don’t you just… _fuck off!_ ”

With those words I grab my bag and walk towards my jeep, because I don’t want him to see the tears running down my face. I don’t want him to pity me; I am sick and tired of being looked at as the weak one – the one everybody else needs to protect.

Something is preventing Derek from letting me in, from telling me the truth. Only, I don’t know how I am supposed to change any of it, because he is lying to me; he is keeping secrets from me that might actually get me killed if Chris is right about Peter, because I find it hard to believe that Derek doesn’t have the slightest idea what his uncle has been up to.

Driving away with tears clouding my visit, I just wish somebody would hold me.

 

* * *

 

Back at my house, the guilt start rolling over me in waves, because I can’t believe the things I yelled at Derek. The whole situation sucks and Derek isn’t handling it well, but I could have handled it better too. I wish I hadn’t lost my temper so quickly, because maybe we could have _talked_ ; maybe then we could have found a solution that doesn’t end with either of us walking out on the other, because I could really need my boyfriend right about now.

All the excess energy from this morning has disappeared, so even with all the homework and my relationship problems with Derek I can’t find the energy to consider moving. Instead, I end up in my bed in foster position hoping that the world is going to leave me alone.

The world does end up leaving me alone, mostly because I turn off my cellphone, until my dad comes home after work a couple of hours later. I can hear him coming up the stairs, and I am just waiting for him to start questioning me about everything going on, dreading it really.

My dad looks worried, which is to be expected, but instead of starting on the questions, he just hurries over to me when he notices me in the dark room.

“Hey kid, how are you doing?”

“I am not really feeling well. I don’t think it’s serious, but I just want to sleep right now.”

“Do you think you might be sick?”

I shake my head, but that doesn’t stop him from putting one of his cold hands on my forehead in an attempt to check for a fever. The result doesn’t seem to lessen his worry, because the frown between his eyes deepen and he squints his eyes a little, which are classic signs of worry with him.

“I didn’t sleep well last night, so it’s probably just that.”

“Will you tell me if it gets worse? I don’t like the thought of you running around sick, because we both know saying no is not something you excel at.”

“Sure.”

Despite knowing that it’s normal for parents to worry, I don’t really understand where my dad is coming from, because even if I was sick, I don’t understand why I have to involve him. I have handled it on my own ever since my mother left, but maybe it is just a result from the guilt. In the end, it’s not going to hurt anyone that I keep my dad updated if it’s going to ease his worries.

“How was your day? Are you still working on that case from the other day?”

“Yeah, some teenagers have gotten sick over the past few days. We have three patients with the same symptoms – it’s probably just the flue, the doctors just haven’t figured out exactly what kind yet and they haven’t been able to get their fever down, so everybody is a bit on edge.”

Well, at least this explains why my dad is worried about my being sick, because even if it’s probably nothing, Beacon Hills Hospital doesn’t have that many resources and a flu epidemic might be something they can handle, especially if it’s teenagers getting sick. Usually it’s young children and elderly people, because their immune systems are weaker, so considering whatever this is can infect the stronger immune systems, I can understand why they are on edge.

“Everything is just getting blown out of proportions after everything that has been happening with the bird and swine flu over the past decade and since we can’t explain any of it yet, we aren’t taking any chances, which is why I need you to tell me if you start getting worse.”

“I will; I promise.”

“Right, are you sure you are fine? Because you exhausted, kid.”

“I am sure. But please don’t take any risks with this thing, okay? I don’t want you ending up the hospital either.”

“As long as you’re staying out of that place, kid. I feel like I have been seeing way too of the place with you in it as it is. I am going to make some dinner, do you want any?”

I shake my head as a no and watch him leave. He still looks worried, but he doesn’t look like he thinks I am going to die any minute, which was how he looked that weeks after I got shot, so at least that’s an improvement. This answers some of my questions, because this is probably why Melissa called the other night. She is a nurse in the ER and the first patient would have probably shown up Friday, which is when she called.

Now there is just everything with this damn disease in the first place, because something tells me that this isn’t going to be as easy as my dad makes it sound. Something tells me that this mysterious illness is going to cause far more problems that we can imagine.


	8. State of Emergency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have done a little research on the Whole State of Emergency business, but I probably haven't done enough, so there is bound to be some mistakes along the way - just warning you already :) I hope you like the chapter, because the suspens is Building and the next chapter is going to be a tough one for Stiles (notice how I just threw a cliffhanger in there). Anyway, just ignore my crazy and read this lovely chapter.
> 
> Please keep leaving kudos and comments, because they make me smile like a slightly crazy person o.O  
> Tell me if I need to add any tags or warnings.
> 
> Stay safe lovely people <3

The next morning, I come down stairs to an empty house. My dad must have left hours ago, but that fact doesn’t sit right with me when he hasn’t even left a note, because that tells me he thought he would have been back before breakfast. He thought he would have been home by now.

Being alone in the morning wouldn’t have been a surprise a couple of months ago, but he has been trying to make breakfast a family thing, so my dad not being here worries me. I know he wouldn’t stay away unless there is an emergency at work and an emergency doesn’t really sound all that good either. Mainly, because I have a feeling it has something to do with that mysterious illness that has got my dad worrying about me.

Ever since I have been a child I would turn on the radio, whenever my dad had one his big cases, because if anything happens to the Sheriff it will be all over the radio fast. Today, I fall back on those habits, because it’s the fastest way to make sure he is alright.

For a second, my heart starts beating like crazy because the first thing they mention on the radio is the situation down at the hospital. The rational part of me knows that this probably has nothing to do with my dad at all, but the irrational part of me is worried that whatever this situation at the hospital is will end with my dad ten feet under.

My rather ridiculous reaction lessen when I realize that the situation at the hospital is the situation with the mysterious disease. I can even feel myself letting out a relieved sigh, when I hear my dad’s voice over the radio when he starts explaining that over the course of the last three days three people have been admitted to the hospital with similar symptoms, but they have been unable to diagnose the disease for now. He then continues to explain that this morning a fourth person was admitted to the hospital and considering the limited size of the Beacon Hills population, this forces the hospital and the Sheriff’s department to declare it an epidemic.

At this point, I realize I am going to be late for school if I don’t start moving, so I hurry out the door after grabbing an apple from the counter. My thoughts have started circling around the mysterious illness, because my dad wouldn’t be declaring this an epidemic unless someone higher up was forcing him too. He knows the word epidemic could start a mass panic, so he wouldn’t be using it unless he absolutely has to, which is what scares me.

 

* * *

 

When I arrive at school, it’s obvious that I am not the only one who has heard the press release. Everybody looks worried and it’s not exactly hard to imagine why; they are all scared they are going to be next and as long as they don’t understand the disease they are going to be scared out of their minds it might happen.

Observing them makes it quite obvious who has basic knowledge about contamination; they are the ones avoiding physical contact even keeping a bigger buffer zone between themselves and others, they are the ones carrying hand sanitizer, they are the ones who clean their lockers before opening them. It could have been fun watching their panic if I didn’t feel my own, because this whole thing is bad and it might be worse than anybody originally thought.

Both Scott and Allison are waiting for me by my locker and neither of them seem comfortable with the whole thing either. They clearly expect me to know something, but I am not really sure if I know more than the rest of the general population.

“Do you know anything?”

“Good morning, Scott.”

“Stiles…”

“Well, good morning, Stiles, how are you doing? I am doing horrible, but _I don’t know anything._ My dad doesn’t tell me everything Scott”

I am not really sure why I let it get to me this badly, but something about Scott’s question reminds of before and I am already jump from the whole mysterious illness killing teens. Besides, Scott should know that I am not going to talk about anything my dad told me in confidence in a crowded hallway, but apparently nobody is really thinking straight.

After picking up my books for first period, I start walking counting on the other two to follow me without really thinking about where we are going. We all have first period together, but that’s not exactly where I am leading them at the moment. Instead, we heading for the nearest empty classroom so I can tell them whatever little I know.

It’s actually a little funny to watch them realize I haven’t lead them to class, because Scott honestly looks like a confused puppy chasing his own tail and considering his spirit animal is a wolf, I might find that slightly funnier than it probably is.

“The disease they can’t diagnose is infecting teenagers, who experience flu like symptoms that seem to develop fast from the sound of it. That’s why they are scared of it.”

“Stiles, I am sorry, but I am not following here… at all.”

“Usually, it’s young children and elderly who would be the most likely targets for a flu like disease, because they have the weakest immune systems. This disease is affecting teenagers but nobody from the usual patient groups, which is what has the hospital scared, because they don’t understand what is happening.”

Scott looks like he still doesn’t really understand what is happening, but Allison has the right amount of horror going on that I assume she knows what this means. The last time a disease affect population groups this way was the Spanish Flu during World War 1 and nobody wants a repeat of what happened back then; it killed hundreds of millions of people.

“Do you know who is sick? It might help us evaluate who’s at risk…”

“I don’t know, Allison. My dad isn’t going to tell me either, because they aren’t going to reveal that list until they know more about what is going on. The hysteria and mass panic it could cause would flood the hospital with people who believe they have been infected and the risk of spreading… it would explode exponentially.”

“How the hell do you even know all of this? I know you are smart, dude, but…”

“Scott, calm down. I found my dad’s guideline on epidemics when I stayed home after being shot, so I read it because it seemed interesting at the time, which might say more about my level of boredom than the topic, but it actually was quite fascinating.”

“I have no idea why the hell you would think that, but I am strangely happy that you can’t control your research impulses for once.”

“That was once!”

“And I am never in my life having another one of your lectures about _male circumcision_!”

In my defense, the research happened to be for a school paper, which might have been about a totally difference subject, but when have I ever let that stop me? Male circumcision really is a rather fascinating subject with a strange history, but unfortunately Scott didn’t handle the slideshow all that well if his stomach content ending up in the toilet is any indication. But how was I supposed to know he couldn’t handle a little blood? I mean, his mother is a nurse!

 

* * *

 

After school and lacrosse practice is over, I decide to stop my grandparents’ diner instead of going straight home. Ever since everything happened I haven’t been stopping by as much and at first I could use being shot as an excuse, but now that everything is healed it’s harder to find a new excuse. It’s not that I don’t love them, I do, but they kept secrets from me and my dad for years about my mother and now she is back… and I don’t what to do.

“Stiles, sweetheart, it is good to see you!”

“You too, grandma. This place seems busy today?”

“You know how it is, whenever something like this happen people come running hoping we know something. Sometimes it’s quite frustrating being the mother of the local Sheriff.”

“Try being his son.”

Before leaving for the kitchen, she kisses my forehead and runs her hand through my hair. My grandpa looks less hesitant to see me, probably because he has figured out I have been avoiding this place ever since everything went down. Because I might have forgiven them and I love them, but I am not really sure how I am supposed to react now that the dust has settled.

“Genim, how are you doing? Your dad told us you weren’t feeling well.”

“Right, I am feeling better, it was probably just one of those 24 hour things.”

“Well, I want you to know that we’re sorry…”

At this moment, someone decides to turn up the TV my grandparents always keep on during the day. I am about to tell them to show some consideration, when I realize why they turned up, because my dad is standing in front of the hospital looking like he hasn’t slept for days. It’s pretty obvious this is some sort of press conference or press release about what is happening at the hospital, but I doubt this is going to be good news.

“Good afternoon, I am here because there has been a development concerning one of the four patients at this hospital. About twenty minutes ago said patient had to be transferred to the intensive care unit because both lungs collapsed, which would have been fatal if it wasn’t for the good work of our medical professionals, but unfortunately this also means that this disease is potentially fatal. So we ask for all of you to remain calm, but to take the necessary precautions if you should find yourself experiencing any flu like symptoms…”

That’s pretty much when I stop listening, because this is progressing faster than I expected, because usually lungs don’t just collapse because of a flu when you are a healthy teenager. Something about this whole thing makes me suspicious and I don’t know why.

But I do know that I need to get home now, because I need to see my dad. It’s not really because I need to make sure he is alright, I have just gotten visual confirmation that my dad is fine even if he is in desperate need of some descent sleep, but I need know what the hell is going on here.

“I am really sorry, but I have to go… I need to talk to my dad…”

“We understand it, Genim, just tell him to eat something and get some sleep already, because he looks like a dead man walking.”

I have to prevent myself from pulling a face because of that comment, because right now I am scared that it’s actually true. Because at the moment my dad might be one of the people most likely to catch whatever disease this is, seeing as he has spent pretty much the entire weekend in the hospital not very far from the patients in question. When you consider his need to overwork himself, which does nothing to improve your immune system, it’s actually likely he will get sick soon.

All I can do is hope that he won’t.

 

* * *

 

Walking into our kitchen, it feels a little like a déjà vu, because my dad is waiting for me by the kitchen counter with two cups of coffee. At this point, I don’t really want the coffee, because I already feel like climbing the walls, but I sit down anyway.

He looks so serious, I am not really sure what I am supposed to do, because he clearly wants to tell me _something_ – he just doesn’t know how to get started.

“Stiles, I need to talk to you about some things.”

“Does this have anything to do with what’s going on at the hospital?”

The laugh my dad lets out is dry as if he can’t really believe what is happening. He looks so _exhausted_ I am not really sure how he is staying awake and all I really want to do is lock him in his bedroom until he has slept at least twelve hours. But I can’t.

“I guess, I should have known better than to think I could keep things from you. You have always been too damn smart for your own good. So yes this is about what is going on at the hospital, because I can’t figure out how this is happening. None of the affected teenagers have any connection to each other. Sure they are all students at Beacon Hills High School, but they don’t have any classes or friends in common and their lockers are in opposite directions. We have even checked what bathrooms they would most likely use and extracurricular activities, but _nothing!_ ”

“Have you checked out if they have been to any of the same parties? I mean even if they don’t run in the same social circles there is a chance they still go to the same parties.”

“No, I will look into it, but considering how everything else have turned out, I am doubting we are going to find any kind of connection.”

No matter how bad a case has been, my dad has never given up, so I am not really sure what’s different about this one, because he looks ready to throw in the towel. It takes me a few seconds until I realize what it is that has got him so scared; he is scared I am going to be next. He almost lost me a month ago and now there’s a disease infecting teenagers without any apparent spreading method. My dad is scared he is going to lose me.

“You always figure it out, dad. But you need to start taking care of yourself or you’re going to end up in a hospital bed too and the town can’t afford that right now.”

“I know, kid. I know.”

Then I just hug him, because for some reason I need to know that he is here and he is fine. I need to know that he is going anywhere anytime soon, because he is my dad and I just got him back. Right in the middle of our hug I accidentally glance down and see something that makes a familiar sense of guilt rise up in me.

Right in front of me is the list of the people affected by the disease and I know my dad isn’t supposed to share it with anybody, not until someone higher up in the chain of command tells them okay. It could cost my dad his job whenever I use the information he obtains form his job, but I know myself well enough to realize that my curiosity is going to win this one.

As soon as my dad is out of the door if it even takes that long, I am going to be using those names for my research on this mysterious illness. The guilt is going to tear me apart, but I can’t do nothing when there is something I might be able to do to help.

“I need to get back to work, but I will see you later, okay?”

“Just promise you will take care of yourself.”

“I’ll try and find something acceptable to eat and get some sleep, okay?”

I nod, but I am not really listening anymore. Instead, I am too focus on the guilt rippling through me, because the voice inside my head keeps repeating that he needs to leave so I can get started on my research, but I know he should stay home. He is in no condition to work, but I also know that I can’t force him to stay.

As soon as he is out of the door, I am running up the stairs and into my room. Looking around I make a quick decision to clear one of my walls before grabbing a roll of paper tablecloth that I start putting up on the wall so I can draw without having to repaint it.

The first thing I do after everything is set up is write the four names in the corners and the word disease in the middle. Then I start drawing a mind map with everything I have found out by now, before I turn on my laptop and start researching. It quickly turns out that my dad was right when he said they don’t have anything in common, because I can’t find anything to connect them.

But instead of pulling my hair in frustration, I start figuring out timelines for the days before and after they got sick, which means making a few calls that probably aren’t completely legal. Mainly, because I pretend to be people I am definitely not to obtain those information.

I make calls to the school, to their parents and to the hospital and might have ‘accidentally’ gotten access to some databases I am definitely not supposed to have access to (read I might have hacked a few databases), which I am pretty sure my dad would skin me alive for if he ever found out about it. This disease leaves me with a bad feeling, because the hospital doesn’t know what it is and that rarely means anything good. I am scared what the next couple of days are going to bring.

Right when I am on my research peak (meaning my mind is bouncing back and forward) noise from downstairs interrupts me. When I don’t hear anybody afterwards it makes me nervous, so I grab my baseball bat and heads downstairs, where I find Scott on the floor looking _really_ confused.

“Scott, what the hell are you doing?!”

“I am not really sure…”

“Then just get off the damn floor, I have things to do and you’re interrupting me.”

Scott keeps looking behind him like the floor personally offended him, but I am guessing he hasn’t really experienced a lot of clumsiness when it hasn’t been coming from me, so I just smile and shake my head adoringly.

Instead I make my way back to him room and my laptop with Scott following behind me. It surprises me when Scott makes a surprised noise and looks rather intensely at my mind map. I am not really sure if it’s just that he doesn’t understand what’s going on or if he actually knows something. Looking over at him he has a weird expression going, before he turns away.

“What is it?”

“It’s just weird.”

“What do you mean?”

“All those four people are skinwalkers.”

“Are you sure?!”

Scott looks surprised, but my heart has started hammering like crazy. This might be the connection I have been searching for, but something tells me I should be reacting to this. I _should know this_ , keeps being repeated over and over again.

“Well, I can feel other skinwalkers, at least, once they have realized that they are skinwalkers. For some reason I can’t feel them when they don’t. At least, I don’t think I can, because I haven’t really tested it yet.”

At that point my panic starts taking over, because I suddenly realized something that terrifies and relives me equally. In my panic, I manage to call Deaton, even if Scott looks at me like I am a crazy person have some sort of fit, but I can’t focus on him right now.

“What are you doing? Stiles?”

“Scott, those people are sick; hospitalized.”

“And? I am not really sure what this means.”

“Skinwalkers aren’t supposed to get sick; their immune system is boosted!”

 

* * *

 

Packing down my mind map might be the fastest I have ever seen Scott move. I am still not really sure he understands what it means, but he must be able to tell that I am not kidding around. This could be potentially devastating for our community and the skinwalkers in general, because people are going to ask themselves what these people have in common and eventually they are going to figure out that they are different from the rest of us. I am just really hoping we can prevent that from happening or Gerard might actually get what he wanted after all.

When we arrive at Deaton’s office Chris, Ms. Davis and Deaton are waiting, but I haven’t explained anything expect that we might have problems. From their expressions I am not really sure they understand how potentially big these problems might be.

Scott automatically start clearing one of the walls in Deaton’s office for my mind map, which doesn’t make them look at us like we are any less insane than they already did for barging into the office in the first place.

“Deaton, I need your help putting these up?”

“What is going on, Stiles?”

“We might have problems; big problems.”

Chris instantly starts helping Scott even if the death glares he sends in his direction don’t go away. It is nice to see them working together though, because we are going to need all the help we can get at this point.

When they are done, none of the others look like they can make any sense of it, but I can’t really blame them. Nobody was supposed to see any of this and I have my own system in case my dad decides to check in on me and I don’t want him to find out everything I know.

“These four people have gotten sick over the past few days, but they don’t appear to have anything in common if you look at their lives, well, expect for the fact that they all attend Beacon Hills High School and they all have the same mysterious illness.”

“Then why do any of these people have any relevance to us? Why don’t we just let the hospital handle the epidemic?”

“Well, Chris, you see…”

Right when I am about to answer, the door is opened with more force than necessary and it hits the wall behind it hard. In walks Derek followed by Isaac, Erica and Boyd, while Scott suddenly gets a little red around the ears, so I am pretty sure he is the one who called them.

I can’t say I am overly excited to see Derek right now, but I understand why Scott called him. They deserve to know what is going on since they are the ones affected the most by what is happening. Besides, I don’t want anything to happen to him.

“Well, I can’t say I am crazy to see you right now, but you need to know this too. This affects all of you and I still care about you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Like, I was about to say before I was interrupt. These four people have one critical thing in common; they are all skinwalkers.”

The shock is apparent on all their faces, well, except Scott, but I am still not really sure he understands the concept of what I told him. Deaton is from the looks of it about to launch into one of his history lessons, so I take a step back, because I am pretty sure he knows more about than I do.

“When the skinwalker genetics is activated it boosts their immune system, so they won’t be able to catch any normal diseases and preexisting medical conditions disappear. But there are a few, very few, diseases that can affect skinwalkers, but most of them were eradicated centuries ago, so no one knows how to treat them anymore.”

“And this disease is spreading fast and I haven’t been able to find a common infection point or figure out how they could have infected each other, because they don’t exactly have anything in common expect that they are skinwalkers and attend the same school. They don’t have the same classes, lockers are far apart and they aren’t in the same social circles…”

That is the moment when Scott’s phone starts make the noise I know well, which means that his mother has sent him a text message. He does have the decency to look slightly embarrassed, but that quickly passes when he starts reading.

“Turn on the radio.”

“Why?”

“Just turn on the damn radio!”

Deaton finally does and it turns out that the local station is reporting live from a press conference at the hospital where the Chief of Staff is speaking. The sound is a little rough, but there is no problems understanding what is being said.

“Over the past few days, we have had several young adults hospitalized with similar symptoms and last night one of them had to be transferred to the ICU because of complications. The individual in the ICU wing has been stabilized now, but we still can’t explain why the patients are experiencing their symptoms. This is why we are going to encourage people to avoid big gatherings and to stay at home if they start experiencing symptoms to minimize spreading. You should of course contact the hospital or your own health care professional, so we can evaluate if you need to be hospitalized. We also encourage to avoid hugging or unnecessary contact as preventing measure and please be thoughtful about your own personal hygiene. Now the Sheriff is going to say a few words.”

There is complete silence in the office while there is some muffled noises from the radio until my dad’s voice comes through loud and clear. I can almost imagine him standing in front of the press trying not to seem exhausted and overworked, but failing miserably.

“Hello, I have just been in contact with the governor personally and he has decide to put Beacon Hills in a State of Emergency, where I will be leading all decision making in cooperation with the medical professionals. We ask people to remain calm and listen to the news for further updates about the situation, but we will also ask people to remember that there are no causalities. We hope this will be over soon, but at the moment it is hard to make any kind of predictions.”

Deaton turns off the radio and we all look at each other. There is disbelief on everybody’s faces, but I am not really sure I understand the gravity of what we just heard. I mean you hear about cities or states being put in a State of Emergency whenever a big hurricanes or earthquakes hit, but I never thought that it would come to this.

All of this must mean that they are getting really desperate at the hospital, but they don’t know that it’s only a small percentage of the population who are actually able to catch whatever this mysterious disease is. But what do we do? It’s not like we can walk up to the hospital and tell them everything, I am pretty sure they would just laugh in our faces and send us packing for the nearest mental hospital, but we don’t know anything about diseases like this one.

“What the hell are we supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, Stiles. I have been a Hunter all my life, but I have never seen anything like this before. But I will ask the Council and see if they know anything.”

“Is there anybody else who might know anything?”

“The only person I can think of is your mother. Your family is one of the oldest around and they have more information about these kind of things than most considering your good standing with the skinwalkers.”

“So there might be something in the family book my mother left me?”

Chris clearly doesn’t know anything about the book, but Ms. Davis looks thoughtful like she might actually be considering it. It’s a scary thought that these three people who collectively know more than almost anybody else is lost when it comes to this. How are we supposed to do this?

“Your book is mostly about your magic, but it can’t hurt to look.”

“I will get straight to it when I come home.”

It strangely enough calms me down to have something to do. Even if it might not lead to anything, it is just that I can actually do _something_ instead of just sitting around waiting. I have never been particularly good at that.

But as I calm down I can tell that all four skinwalkers look increasingly nervous. Well, I am guessing the expression on Derek’s face is nerves, because I am not really sure what else it could be. He still looks too cute for his own good and I can admit that to myself despite my promise to keep my distance to the handsome skinwalker.

I am just not really sure how long I can keep it up. 


	9. Beast of a Burden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be a emotional for both Stiles and Derek (well, pretty much everybody else too, but you will see). I hope you will like it, because the mystery theme is put on hold for this episode and the first half of the next one so there will be some focus on Stiles' emotional turmoil 
> 
> Please keep leaving kudos and comments, i love reading what you guys think  
> Tell me if I need to add any tags or warnings :)  
> Stay safe you lovely people <3

When I step through the front door, I am not really sure what time it is. I am not really sure what to expect either, because it has be far beyond my curfew and my dad’s car is parked in the driveway. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have expected him to care, but after everything that has happened I am pretty sure I might actually face my first grounding.

It’s not like I can explain that I went to see the local veterinarian because I figured out the only people affected by this mysterious illness are skinwalkers, a group of people able to shift into their spirit animal. Just to make it all better my older boyfriend, who already makes my dad anxious, happens to be one of said skinwalkers. Yeah, I don’t think he would react well to any of that.

When I find him in the kitchen, it feels like déjà vu. Everything about this situation is similar to what happened earlier except for one thing. My dad looks almost broken at this point; he looks so _exhausted_ I don’t know how he is actually staying awake at this point. It terrifies me to see my dad this way, because _he isn’t supposed to be like this_.

“Hi dad, are you alright?”

It’s scary to see that he didn’t actually notice me coming in. He is so caught up in what is going on his own mind that he doesn’t notice anything of what is going on around him. Something is wrong; something has changed, because he has gotten _worse_.

“Stiles, what are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep. What’s going on, dad?”

“I haven’t seen anything like this before.”

“What do you mean?”

“This disease… the doctors, they don’t seem to know what to do. But they are _supposed to know_. That’s all that keeps going to my head, because if they don’t, then who will?”

Seeing him like this, I start to reconsider everything about this. Maybe I should tell him about everything I have found out? Maybe I should tell him about the skinwalkers? Because then at least he would know what he is up against. Maybe he could actually protect himself from everything that is waiting out there, but then again, maybe it will just make him a target.

Then every possible way telling him could go wrong goes through my mind, because I am not sure if telling him would scare him more or less to know that this disease is only affecting skinwalkers. I am still not sure he would actually believe him and I don’t think I could handle him calling me a liar; I don’t think I could handle him calling me crazy either.

“You are being careful, right?”

“Sure, I know the general precautions you are supposed to take during an epidemic.”

“We are in a _State of Emergency_ , Stiles. This isn’t just some flu epidemic and the higher ups know that and they have no idea how to handle it… I don’t want you running around trying to be a hero again, the last time…”

“I won’t.”

“Stiles, you almost _died_!”

“Don’t you think I know that?! But there aren’t going to be any bullets…”

“There might not be any bullets, but _this thing could kill people!_ ”

“I won’t do anything stupid, I already promised you that!”

Even as I say it, I know it’s probably going to end up a lie. Not because I don’t want to keep my promise to my dad, but I can’t help thinking that maybe in a way I already am. The second I saw those four names I started getting involved in a way I never should have and I can’t help thinking that it’s because of what happened last time.

The last time all the danger, it made all the horrible feelings go away, it made things _okay_ for a while, so maybe I am so focused on everything because I think it will help me escape again. Only, I am not sure it’s really working, because I still feel like everything is building up too fast.

 

* * *

 

Everything feels tense while I make my dad dinner. He apparently didn’t have time to find something to eat at the hospital and Melissa wasn’t there to do it for him, so he ended up skipping dinner. Despite the initial complaints, he does seem grateful enough that I bothered cooking after eating.

When the doorbell rings, I wonder who the hell would stop by after midnight. My dad might be the Sheriff, but none of his men would stop by without calling first and his phone hasn’t rung, so it can’t be them. I guess it could be some worried citizens or something, but usually they just corner him at my grandparents’ diner in the morning or during lunch.

After opening the door, I almost close it again, because Derek is waiting on the other side. My dad has followed me to the door and he looks surprised as me to see him.

“What are you doing here, Derek?”

“I am sorry Sheriff, but I am just trying to look out for your son…”

“Bullshit! What do you want?”

“It’s true whether you believe or not, Stiles, but we need to talk.”

I look over at my dad excepting him to send Derek packing, but he actually doesn’t seem too alarmed to see Derek here, which makes me a little suspicious. Did my dad know Derek was coming around? I doubt it, because as far as I could tell my dad hadn’t received any calls or texts, so how the hell would he know anything about Derek’s whereabouts.

“I can tell something is going on between the two of you, but I am not going to get involved in any of it. So I am going to take a shower and when I get back I expect whatever this is to be fixed, are you hearing me? I am too tired for relationship problems right now.”

Then he just leaves and all I want to do is yell at him to go to hell, because how the hell can he think it’s a good idea for me to talk to Derek right now! Normal parents would have sent the boyfriend packing and told him to show up at decent hour! I mean What The Hell!

After my dad has left, everything becomes dangerously quiet between us and this might be the first time there has ever been any form of awkward silence between us. Even when I barely knew him, the silence never felt like _this_ and that scares me, because does this mean whatever happened between us is broken?

Right when my panic about our possibly ruined relationship reaches its peak, Derek suddenly starts walking towards me and I am not really sure what to expect. I sure as hell doesn’t expect him to start hugging me like his life depends on it, but I don’t stop him. Because, in the end, I need him to hold me more than I want to punch him in the face right now.

“What are you doing here?”

“I know that we have been fighting and I know it’s been mainly my fault, but I care about you. I know I need to tell you things, but it’s hard for me to talk about my family. I _want_ to tell you, but I am going to need some _time_.”

Hearing him say those words I want to hear, it makes my heart swell and break at the same time. All the guilt I have been feeling lately grows bigger and bigger, because I have made Derek feel horrible for keeping things from me, when I haven’t been completely honest with him either. I have been keeping everything surrounding my therapy and PTSD from him, when I know I should tell him, but I just… _can’t_. And I don’t know why.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you either…”

“What are you talking about?”

“I haven’t been completely honest about my therapy…”

“I don’t understand… Stiles?”

The panic builds and it feels like I am in the middle of someone else’s life, because this can’t be mine. It just can’t be. The guilt starts taking over completely and I can feel my body shaking, trembling almost and Derek is obviously worried about me. Hell, I am worried about me at this point.

“I am _so sorry_ …”

“Stiles…”

“I didn’t want to tell you…”

“What didn’t you want to tell me?”

“You have to understand… I don’t want…”

In the end he just looks at me, desperately trying to keep my eyes on him instead of the floor, but in the end those hands on both sides of my face makes me feel even more caged; even more trapped, and the panic rippling through my body starts going crazy.

“I don’t want to be a burden…”

By then I can even feel the tears running down my face and Derek looks like he has no idea what the hell he is supposed to do. It feels like I can’t control my own body or my own mind, because everything going through my mind is plans of how to explain this away, how to make everything go away or how to just escape, and I don’t understand it.

Derek is trying to pull me in close, desperately trying to calm me down, but nothing he does make it better. Derek holding me doesn’t make me feel safe or happy, it makes me feel trapped. Him whispering encouragement in my ear only makes me want to screaming that he is a liar; that he doesn’t mean anything he is saying, because how can he?

Can’t he see how broken I am? Can’t he see that I can’t hold myself together anymore? Can’t he see that everything that was building up just fell apart and is crushing me? I can't stay here. I have to get away, but I know he won’t let him go. They won’t let me go.

That’s when my dad comes down stairs. He must have heard us, but the second I see him, the second I see how worried he looks, I just can’t do this anymore. Something takes over completely and I can’t control anything. It feels like I am trapped inside someone else’s body, seeing them screaming at my dad and Derek, telling them over and over again that I am sorry. Telling them that didn’t want to know, that I don’t want to be a burden, while Derek desperately tries to prevent me from physically lashing out at everything around me.

Eventually I start calming down because Derek says something over and over again, but I don’t really hear it. Instead, I focus on his voice and try to anchor myself somehow. For a while I think it even works, because the tears stop, but I still feel out of control.

“You don’t have to tell us anything right now, Stiles…”

“Honestly, I don’t know if I am ever going to ready to tell you.”

“Son, I know it might not feel like it right now, but whatever it is, it’s clearly weighing you down. I think eventually you might have to…”

Hearing my dad say those words, it makes so blatantly clear that eventually my dad is going to force me to tell him. Only, I don’t know how. I don’t know how I am supposed to tell him why I have nightmares or why I have PTSD without explaining everything else. I am not sure he is going to understand any of it unless I tell him everything, but I just _can’t_.

Without realizing it, I slowly start losing control again. This time it’s more subtle, but I start watching the door. It becomes obvious that Derek has noticed it too, because he starts moving so he is standing between me and the door and the part of me planning the escape knows that the moment he is in place, I won’t have a chance.

So with no real thought, my body starts moving and it starts moving faster than I thought I would be able to. Derek tries to stop me, but I don’t even hear what he is saying. Logically, I know my dad must be screaming for me to stay too, but… I don’t care for some reason.

I don’t really care about anything except getting as far away from them as possible, so I just keep running through the dark. I keep running and I am not looking back.

 

* * *

 

I don’t remember how long I run. I don’t even remember how I end up here, but when I feel my own mind regaining control, I instantly recognize where I am.

I find myself sitting beneath the old tree in the clearing where it all happened, and I don’t know how I am supposed to react. I haven’t been back since everything happened and I am not sure I ever really wanted to. But it seems so oddly peaceful, so _normal_ considering what happened.

In the end, I don’t really have any kind of reaction. I just sit here and stare at the place with contradicting emotions beating through my body. I feel strangely emotionally numb and overwhelmed at the same time and it’s like I am waiting for somebody to tell me how I am supposed to react; what I am supposed to do.

I can’t even muster the energy or will to start moving, but I realize I have started crying again. It isn’t the loud violent kind of crying I did before, but instead the quiet broken kind. I am not even really sure why I am crying, but it feels like I have lost something today, something I am not sure I am supposed to lose at seventeen. Then again I am not exactly a normal seventeen year old.

 

* * *

 

After sitting there for what could be either hours or minutes, I regain enough of my mental control that I manage to find my phone. It was in my pocket and it looks like it hasn’t been damaged during my breakdown or the running.

The battery isn’t dead, so I can see that I have dozens of missed calls from my dad, Derek and Scott. They must have called him, Scott, and told him what happened. I am not really sure how I feel about it, but I guess he is my best friend. They probably thought he might know where I would go, but I don’t even know where I would go, so how could Scott?

Logically, I know this means that they are looking for me. It probably even means that they are worried. This part of my brain also knows that I should probably call them, but I don’t. They don’t understand any of this and if they knew… they would leave.

They might pretend at first, you know because they feel bad for me; _pity._ But then after a while they are going to realize I am not going to get any better; that I am permanently broken. That’s when they are going to start looking for an out and eventually they are going to find whatever excuse they need and they are going to leave, because who want to do with the kid who can’t pull himself together long enough to get better?

 

* * *

 

Sitting underneath the tree makes me feel sleepy, but not in the usual way. It almost feels like I am slipping in and out of consciousness, because sometimes I can look up and the moon has moved and the moon doesn’t just move.

I am not even sure how long I have been gone, but something about this places feels strange. It’s not really the whole I got shot and technically killed two people here kind of strange, but it feels like something basic about this place has changed. It feels out of place or out of balance really and I think it might be affecting me somehow, even if I don’t understand why.

In the middle of all the strange sensations, I am wondering if maybe I should go to sleep. My mind feels so strangely tired, so hazy, it would be so nice to just close my eyes and forget. Maybe there wouldn’t be any nightmares today? Maybe seeing this place means that whatever forces me to relive those moments will finally stop, but I don’t even really believe it.

I am not really sure I believe in anything anymore, because what is there to believe in? I don’t have anything to come back to, everybody is going to hate me, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t wake up again? Then I wouldn’t have to face any of the people back home, I wouldn’t have to explain and I couldn’t drag them down. I wouldn’t be a burden.

The next second, it feels like someone turned on a switch. My mind feels clearer than it has in days and I am not sure why I have suddenly done a 180, but I am grateful. I _know_ I can’t afford to fall sleep right now. It’s too cold outside to sleep in the middle of the preserve without any equipment, I would be hypothermic by morning, if they even find me by then and even if they did, I am not sure I would survive the trip to the hospital.

Giving up is the easy way out and I don’t do easy. I don’t want to die, I just don’t know what to do about anything right now. Just the thought of how close I was to lying down and giving in to the urge to sleep terrifies me, because I don’t understand what brought it up. Sure, I haven’t been doing well the past month, but I have _never_ considered suicide, so what the hell happened?

 

* * *

 

The clarity disappears again, but the thoughts of sleeping don’t return either. I still don’t have the energy to move and I am not really sure what I expect to happen. I know I can’t stay, but it feels like I can’t control my own body. I can’t control anything.

That’s the moment when I hear something coming and my heart rate instantly spikes. I am out in the middle of the preserve and I know there are animals out here I don’t want to meet in the state I am in. Hell, there are animals out here I don’t want to meet period, but I _can’t move_!

Then I see Derek moving through the bushes and I am not sure if I am supposed to be relieved or terrified. He has to be so angry with me now and I am not really sure where the hell we stand with each other, but I don’t have the energy to move or protest, when Derek pulls me into his arms and starts carrying me in the direction he came.

He doesn’t say anything which might be what surprises me the most, because if it had been me I would probably be screaming my head off at him right now, but he just looks miserable. I wish I could make him smile, but I can’t pretend right now. I don’t even trust my own voice enough to speak, but after being carried in silence for what feels like forever, I know I have to.

“I am sorry… I am sorry for being weak…”

“You aren’t weak, Stiles.”

“But…”

“No, I know you haven’t been really well after what happened, but I haven’t been able to admit to myself how bad you were doing. You are _so damn strong_ all the time, it just… I failed you, when I let you be strong for everybody without making sure you have someone who is being strong for you. But I… I just really needed you to be okay.”

“It might take a while.”

“I don’t mind waiting. You are worth it.”

Hearing him say those words calms me more than I thought it would. It makes me feel slightly less broken and it makes me _hope._ That hope is the last thing on my mind before I can’t keep my eyes open any longer and I fall asleep.

For the first time in what feels like forever, there are no nightmares.


	10. A Turning Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I am sorry I haven't posted for so long, but I went to Spain without my computer without an internet connection, then I had a tooth surgically removed and then I started university again and the reading load is insane - but I will try and do better now :)  
> I hope you will love the chapter, it is sort of a intermediate before the mystery plot starts building again and it wraps up some of the loose ends concerning Stiles. So enjoy <3
> 
> Please leaves kudos and comments, I love when you leave me feedback :)  
> Tell me if I need to add warnings or tags  
> Stay safe you lovely lovely people <3

The last time, I woke up in a hospital the pain felt completely different. Today, my entire body feels like it is on fire and as soon as I try to open my eyes my head feels like it is going to explode. When I finally manage to keep my eyes open long enough to actually see what’s going on around me it becomes rather obvious that I am not alone.

The small hospital room is actually quite crowded since my dad, Derek, Scott and Ms. Morrell has decided to stop by. Right now, I don’t want either of them here, but after screwing up as royally as I did, I probably deserve whatever they are going to throw my way.

Suddenly, every sensory nerve ending sensing temperature goes completely crazy. It feels like I am simultaneously hot and cold, but the burning sensation doesn’t prevent my body from shivering like crazy in a desperate attempt to generate heat.

From my body’s reaction I must have been mildly hypothermic despite Derek finding me when he did. I might honestly have Derek to thank for being alive right now and I am still not sure how the hell he found me in the first place.

The shivering alerts my visitors that I have woken up. That means doctors and nurses coming to check up on me before I am finally alone with them again. The moment it’s only the five of us in the room, I begin to realize that I would rather have everybody else come back, because their worried expressions tell me that the hard part of this evening might not over just yet.

Seeing their worried faces also makes the guilt rise up again full strength, because I made them worry when that was the one thing I was so desperately trying to prevent in the first place.

“Stiles… kid, how are you feeling?”

“Tired… I am not really sure if I feel cold or warm…”

“You were mildly hypothermic when Derek found you, so they have been passively warming you up to avoid damage and minimize the risk of you having a heart attack…”

“I know all of this is normal, dad. I wrote a paper on hypothermia in the eighth grade.”

“How do you think I know any of this, kid? It was all you would talk about for weeks.”

I can’t help laughing, even if it feels like it is draining energy I am not really sure I have. This strange bantering with my dad feels easy, but nothing about this situation is easy. I could have died out there if Derek hadn’t found me; _died_. The PTSD is fucking with my head in worse ways than I thought and I have no idea how I am supposed to prevent this from happening again or what I am even supposed to do… _ever_.

“I am so sorry for worrying you…”

“You did worry all of us and I think it’s time you tell them _why_ or I will have to…”

“But…”

“I know there is the confidentiality aspect, but we both know that I am obligated to react if I feel that you are danger to yourself or others and your behavior today made it very clear that you are becoming a danger to yourself…”

“Would you mind doing it? Explaining it?”

Ms. Morrell looks like she wants to say yes, but I think I knew what her answer would be before I even asked the question. Only, I don’t know how I am supposed to do this. I mean, I am not really sure I understand it myself.

“You need to do this yourself if you can. I know it is not going to be easy, but I think it will be an important step in the right direction in your recovery.”

Where do you even start with something like this? I don’t want any of them to feel like I don’t trust them, because if it was a matter of trust, I would have told them. But I don’t want to be a burden; I don’t want to be an obligation. Most of all, I am scared that I am not worth sticking around for when things get tough.

“During my sessions with Ms. Morrell she started noticing that I was experiencing worsening anxiety attacks, nightmares that lead to server sleeplessness and an enhanced alertness. I have always had concentration difficulties because of my ADHD, but it has gotten worse and sometimes I had problems remembering things. She started suspecting that I was… that I _am_ suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder… PTSD… so she had me do some tests and answer endless amount of questionnaires, but… I have PTSD.”

“ _PTSD,_ Stiles…!”

“Dad, I know I should have told you when we even suspected it, but… I thought I could handle it. I mean have been dealing with it in therapy, but I haven’t been completely truthful with Ms. Morrell. I made her think that the nightmares and anxiety attacks had gotten better, when they had only gotten _worse_ …”

“Kid, this doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell us.”

“I didn’t want to be a burden, okay?! I didn’t want to tell you because I honestly thought I could handle this on my own, because _that is what I do_. I handle things on my own, because I don’t want any of you to worry… I don’t want to be an obligation…”

That’s when my dad suddenly grabs my hand tight. At first, I can’t get myself to look him in the eye, but when he squeezes my hand, I can’t help it. He looks so stern, I can feel my heartrate skyrocketing, because this is it. This is when he tells me that I am too much trouble that I am not worth it, because I am _not_. I never have been.

“Stiles, you need to listen to me _right now_. I don’t want you to hear whatever fits with what you have built up in that head of yours; I want you to listen to _what I am saying_. You _shouldn’t_ have to handle this or _anything else_ alone. We _want_ to be there for _you_ , because we _care_ too damn much about _you_ not to stand by you through _anything_. Do you hear me?”

I don’t trust my voice, so I nod my head. Looking at my dad, Scott and Derek, I realize they don’t look exhausted or worry, no, they look _broken_. It’s suddenly so obvious that I am not the only one I have been damaging by keeping it to myself. No, I have been hurting everybody around me and that might be worse than all the scenarios I have been playing on repeat in my head.

“Everything in Stiles’ system is telling him he needs to be on high alert right now, because it can’t understand that the threat is over. But being diagnosed with PTSD doesn’t mean that Stiles isn’t still Stiles or that he isn’t going to get better, because he is still Stiles and he is going to get better. It is going to take _time_ and he is going to need all the support you can give him, because it is going to take _time_ and he is going to need all the support you can give him, because it is going to be a long and hard. It does mean that he is probably going to last out at you, because PTSD isn’t easy on anybody.”

“So he is going to be fine?”

“It’s going to be a long fight, but I believe Stiles will get better. The hospital have several pamphlets with more information and different links to informational webpages if you want to know more. You also have my number if you have any questions whatsoever about any of this.”

“When can he come home?”

My dad looks so incredibly small when he asks that question. I know what he is asking, but I don’t know the answer. He wants to know if it’s responsible for me to leave the hospital; he is asking if I need to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital for my own safety.

At part of me wants to be angry with him for asking, but I understand where he is coming from. He is terrified that I am suicidal; that I am going to try and end my own life the second they leave me alone at the house. In the end, the only think I am really upset about is that he didn’t ask _me_. I know my own mind better than anybody else, so why couldn’t he just ask me?

“As soon as the doctors clears him you can take him home.”

 

* * *

 

It isn’t until Scott has left that I realize he hasn’t said a word the entire time I had been awake. He had looked like he didn’t understand how this could be happening or maybe how he didn’t notice. But none of them probably understand how good you get at hiding things when something like this happens to you. You can keep so much from the people you love by smiling, because as long as you smile they don’t ask questions. At least, they don’t ask the ones you don’t want them to.

The next morning, he sends a text saying that he is sorry that he didn’t realize how bad I was doing, because he felt like something hadn’t been right with me. He felt like he should have asked more questions or noticed whatever signs there might have been about how bad it was. It pretty much comes down to the fact that he feels like he let me down yet again, so I tell him that wouldn’t have noticed unless I wanted him to. He shouldn’t beat himself up over any of this; it isn’t his fault and it never will be.

I doubt he believes anything I telling him, but it is all I can manage right now. Neither Derek nor my dad look like they plan on letting me out of their sight any time soon and I am pretty sure my dad would be watching me like a hawk as we speak if he didn’t have to go to work. There has apparently been some kind of development with the case, but he didn’t want to elaborate and Derek has been a stone wall, so he hasn’t exactly been a big help either.

When I am finally released, my dad is on official Sheriff Business, so it’s Derek who ends up driving me home. We haven’t really talked since everything happened, because there has always been people around. It has either been my dad or whatever medical staff decided to pay us a visit, which often happened to Melissa checking up on my whenever she had a break. So I am not really sure what comes next.

 

* * *

 

After spending twenty minutes setting me up in my bedroom with pretty much anything that I could possibly need the next week from books to blankets and pillows to food and other necessities. There is seriously so much food that I am considering starting a food fight so it can have some kind of use, because I am sure as hell not going to be able to eat it all.

Then when there isn’t anything left for Derek to do, he looks like a deer caught in headlights and I am pretty sure I don’t look all that different. Because what do we do now? We both know we should probably talk about what happened, but I am probably not going to bring it up.

“What didn’t you tell me?”

“What?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about your PTSD? I want to be there for you…”

“Derek, you have to understand… I know that I am not well, hell I even, know that I am not getting better, because it might take _a lot_ of time before I am going to be better. We have only been dating _for under a month_ and having PTSD isn’t exactly something you want to tell your boyfriend about if you plan on him sticking around…”

That moment is when Derek’s firm hands holds my face and he just kisses me. It honestly feels like he desperately trying to pour all those feelings into this kiss and I am starting to feel slightly dizzy from the intensity. It’s not that he is deepening the kiss, but there are so many emotions behind it that it feels bigger than any other kiss we have shared. It feels important.

“I am not going to run.”

It feels too good to be true, because who does this? Who kisses someone who just told them that they have been lying to you about having _PTSD_ and who the hell tells them they are sticking around? Most people would be halfway out of the door by now and I don’t know how to react, so I just go with my gut, which probably isn’t the best idea.

“I understand that you might feel that way now, but I won’t hold it against you if you change your mind. This whole… _thing_ is a lot of to handle… I mean I am not really handling it well and I am the one with PTSD, so if you want to leave…”

“Stiles, I plan on sticking around for _a very long time_. _This_ does _not_ change anything.”

He gently kisses me again and it feels like too much and everything I need at the same time. My entire body feels jittery and on edge, but it doesn’t feel bad. I feel better than I have in a really long time, but I am not really sure what to do about that.

I do know when Derek starts getting up from my bed and walking towards the door that I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to be alone wondering in the darkness, because that’s when things go wrong for me. For once, I just want to do the one thing I know I shouldn’t. I want everything I am not supposed to, but I don’t care anymore; I am sick and tired of worrying.

“Please, stay…”

Derek looks so surprised, I actually think he might say no. The simple thought of having him reject me scares me more than any of the other shit does. Right now, the thing I need more than anything else I s just for him to hold me, for me to feel that he is actually staying around.

“You do realize that your dad is going to kill me in the morning.”

I can’t stop the laugh, but it’s not really because it’s that funny. It’s more the feeling of relief washing through me after hearing him say those words. He is going to stay. He is actually going to stay. I am not even sure why this feels so much more real than him telling that he won’t abandon me, when this is just him staying one night. But then again I don’t understand me, so how the hell is everybody else supposed to?

“I will talk to him if he starts making threats; I like having my boyfriend in one piece and breathing.”

“Your dad has guns, Stiles. They might not kill me, but they still hurt like hell.”

“Calm down. He might aim them at you but he wouldn’t actually take the shot unless he thought you had hurt me.”

“I am not really sure you and your dad have the same definition of hurt…”

“Just shut up and come to bed, before I pass out.”

The way he smiles always makes me heart flutter. I can’t even really explain the way it feels, but in a way it’s like something incredibly special he saves just for me. I don’t know if it is the way he seems lighten when it is just the two of us around, but it helps me believe that this might be just as special to him as it is to me.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, when I wake up I can’t feel Derek’s arm around my waist the way I could when I fell asleep. My first thought is that he finally realized that I am too much trouble, but then I can heart someone turning pages behind me.

I find Derek sitting next to me on the bed reading some old book I don’t think have seen before. Did Derek bring books over or is my memory just playing me? It doesn’t look like something I would own, but Derek hasn’t mentioned any books before.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

Derek looks surprised over at me, but he decides on kissing my forehead before answering my question. Normally, I would be jumping to get an answer, but to my sleep muddled mind it feels nice. It actually feels quite domestic waking up with him here.

“This is just an old journal my family kept. It pretty much just describes basic training methods for skinwalkers, you know, teaching the control…”

“So are you just going to beat them up like you did with Scott or are you actually planning on hanging out with them, when, you know, when you aren’t doing things to them that would send ordinary humans to the ER?”

The expression on Derek’s face is hilarious. The sceptic scrounging of eyebrows makes me look like a five year old whose mother just told him to eat his vegetables. So me laughing is pretty much a given, but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Are you actually asking for my help?”

“Stiles…

“Come on, you have to know that everything might be a little more pleasant if they think of you as something other than a terrifying drill sergeant. It might even get some of the more opposed ones to join in if they think it isn’t about getting their ass handed to them by a tall dark brooding strange who nobody really knows anything about.”

Derek looks like he doesn’t know what the hell he is supposed to do. I understand he doesn’t really do social unless he is physically forced, but this is pretty basic human interaction.

“I just… I wouldn’t know what to do.”

“I will help you if you want. I kind of like the whole tall dark brooding hunk thing you have got going on…”

“Thank you… for you know… just thank you.”

He kisses me briefly in that adorable Derek way that makes me feel all giddy and happy. I get the feeling that this might be pretty huge for Derek. I know he is trying to help everybody the best he can, but things can’t have been easy for him after leaving Beacon Hills.

Breakfast doesn’t take too long, but considering I wanted to skip it completely, Derek seems pleased to have me eating period. My stomach still feels queasy, but I don’t like seeing the worried expression on his face, even if it means doing something that makes me slightly uncomfortable.

We watch the news, but there are no news about what is happening at the hospital, which leads to the usually suspicion. I am just glad my dad doesn’t have to sit around listening to this, because I am pretty sure he would end punching something having to listen to this bullshit.

“Do you think we are going to find a cure?”

“What do you mean, Der?”

“Do you think we are going to save the skinwalkers?”

“I don’t know. Everybody seems at a loss with this thing, but… what brought this on?”

Derek looks away, so I am not really sure what is happening in that head of his. Not that I ever know what is going on in that pretty head of his, but right now I am just completely blank.

“I just feel… guilty, I guess, for not helping them. I mean, I tried to talking to them, but I can’t help feeling that maybe I gave up too quickly and maybe if I had just pushed a little harder they wouldn’t be in the hospital right now.”

“Derek, you aren’t responsible for them…”

“But I am! I am supposed to take care of them…”

“You can’t force somebody to accept your help! You can try to help them, but you can’t force somebody to accept it… just look at me.”

“Then why do I feel like shit?”

“Because you are good person.”

That gets a small laugh out of him, but I just crawl into his lap and kisses him. We just sit there for a while with him running his hand through my hair with my head resting on his chest. It feels calming to hear his heart beat.

Right then, I realize I _slept._ It sounds so trivial, but it feels huge, because I honestly slept better last night than I have in forever and I am not sure if it’s Derek being there or having the truth out in the open, but I am just grateful for the sleep.

“We should probably leave the house at some point…”

“Why?”

Derek sounds so against the idea that I can’t stop smiling. He clearly wants to stay curled up on the couch all day, so we can pretend everything isn’t happening.

“Well, I probably should show up for some of my classes…”

“You dad called you in sick, you don’t have to go.”

“I know, but…”

“Please, just listen to me, Stiles. A lot of parents are calling their children in sick, because they are scared they are going to get infected and I would feel better if you would just stay in for today.”

“But I don’t want to sit around waiting. I want to do something.”

I can almost hear Derek thinking, but I am not going to back down on this one. I have never been good at waiting around and I doubt the whole PTSD ordeal is making it better, so I just need to do something instead of pretending everything is fine.

“Can you accept a compromise?”

“That depends on the compromise.”

“How about you stay home from school, but you go to see Ms. Morrell later? I know you usually have an appointment with her today, so maybe you can do that instead…”

He has clearly thought this through and I don’t exactly feel like facing Harris today, so maybe this is the best solution for today. And I probably need to talk to Ms. Morrell about everything that has happened the past few days, because telling people has been good for me, but I still feel like I am just waiting for them to leave me.

They keep telling me that they won’t, but I am not really sure when I am going to start believing it. I am not really sure if I am ever going to believe it, but talking about it would only hurt Derek more and Ms. Morrell… she is best choice.

“Okay, I will stay here… for now.


	11. A Suprising Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am posting early to make up for being horribly late the last time :) So here's the next chapter and even if it might not seem like it, this is actually connected to the mystery aspect of it all (any guesses as to how ;) ?). Now I am hoping you will like the chapter, because I enjoyed writing it :) 
> 
> Now please leave comments and kudos, I love reading what you write, it always makes me smile :D  
> Please say if I should add any tags or warnings  
> Stay safe you lovely people <3

It felt like such a great decision at the time to go to the appointment with Ms. Morrell, but standing outside of her office I am not so sure anymore. It feels dangerous coming here now that I am not keeping my diagnosis a secret anymore.

After five minutes, I pull myself together and walk inside the small office, where she is already waiting. I get the sense that she knows about my hesitation, but she has clearly decided not to bring it up, because she just greets me and directs me at the couch like usual.

“So Stiles how are you feeling?”

“Do you mean in general or after telling my dad and my friends about my PTSD?”

“Both if you feel like they exclude each other.”

“In general I feel… better, right now. It feels like my relationship with Derek is better, even if we still have a lot of things to figure out. I don’t really know what I am supposed to feel or do really after telling them… I just… I don’t know…”

“What is confusing you about your feelings?”

“I guess it’s not really how I am feeling that confuses me, but… they stare at me when they think I am not looking like they are waiting for me to break down or have some sort of episode or something, but I don’t know how to explain to them that it doesn’t work like that.”

“They are worried about you.”

“I know they are worried, but I keep feeling like I am just waiting for them to leave because they are going to get tired of having me drag them down all the time. After telling them, it feels like everything is like a ticking bomb waiting to explode and destroy everything.”

Saying it out loud makes me feel scared in a strange way. I am not sure if it is because I still not comfortable with how I am feeling or if talking about it that makes it feel so much more real that whatever part of me that is terrified of being left behind feels validated.

Whenever I catch my dad staring at me, I want to scream at him that looking away doesn’t mean I am going to have another breakdown. I understand that he is terrified for me, but I don’t want him to treat me like I am made of glass.

“Do you think I should tell my dad about the whole supernatural aspect of everything?”

“What do you think?”

“I think it might help with some things, but I could make a lot of different things a lot harder too. I mean I could help him understand that it wasn’t his fault my mother left us or why everything happened with Gerard. It could make him worry less about me getting sick from this disease and it might even be a help with his job, because solving cases involving the supernatural without knowing about the supernatural is… it’s not easy.”

“So what are you scared of?”

“Telling him about skinwalkers and whatever other things are out there, it could scare the living hell out of him and he has a bad heart… I don’t want to risk his health.”

When I asked her I think a part of me knew she was going to go all psychologist on me. She never actually gives me a straight answer when I ask her a question in therapy and I know it is because she wants to force me to figure things out on my own, but for once I just want her to answer the damn question. I am scared I am going to lose my dad if I have to keep secrets from him, but I am scared the truth might get him killed.

“Stiles, _you_ need to be the one to make this decision, but I will gladly listen to your thoughts.”

“But you won’t tell me what you think is best?”

“I know this isn’t what you want, but it won’t help you move forward if you have me telling you what to do every step of the way. You need to figure this out on your own.”

 

* * *

 

After the session ends I decide to head to the clinic instead of heading home. I am not ready to face my dad, but I do have the courtesy to text both him and Derek that I am just stopping by Deaton’s for a couple of hours, so they don’t worry.

The frustration of having them calling every five minutes because they don’t know where I am every second of every day is growing. When you are turning eighteen in a matter of weeks, you don’t want to feel like an untrustworthy five year old. But considering everything that has happened lately, I know I have given them more than enough reason to worry, so I can’t really complain.

Walking around the clinic, everything seems too quiet. Nobody is back there either, which confuses me until I realize Ms. Morrell must have contacted Deaton and told him about what happened. They probably don’t think there is going to be a practice today, but I need to do something that doesn’t involve going home right now, so I am going to drag their asses out here if it comes to that.

To my surprise Deaton and Chris Argent are both sitting in the back office looking caught up in friendly conversation. I am not really sure that Deaton and Argent having friendly conversation should be this disturbing for me, but it really does freak me out a little.

“Stiles, what are you doing here?”

“Chris is right, Stiles. Shouldn’t you be recuperating?”

“How do you guys even know I need to recuperate?”

“Marin called and told us you needed time to wrap your head around something that happen.”

“Okay, I know her being my psychologist does give her some sort of authority, but if you don’t let me practice I am going to end up stabbing myself with something sharp in frustration because my dad has no sense of privacy or boundaries when he is worried.”

Neither of them seem particularly excited at the thought of having me practice today. Luckily for me, Ms. Davis walking in distracts them long enough that they forget to tell me to leave. She strangely enough doesn’t seem surprised to see me, but I don’t know how to react.

“Ms. Davis, what are you doing here?”

“I am here for Genim’s practice. Isn’t that why we are all here?”

“I thought I had told you Stiles wouldn’t be coming in today?”

“Oh, dear Allan, I knew Stiles wouldn’t stay away…”

That seems to finalize the decision, because both Chris and Deaton look like they want to give up. I have no idea how she knew I would show up today (I am not sure I want to know) and I probably shouldn’t be smiling like a crazy person, but I can’t help it.

“I guess, we could run some drills and balance exercises, if you feel up to it.”

“As great as that idea sounds, Chris, I think Genim is ready for some of the more basic magic exercises…”

“Are you serious?”

I want to jump around screaming of joy, but I am guessing it would freak out everybody involved more than necessary, so I stay put with both my feet planted. I can’t believe I get to start practicing my damn magic! Maybe I can actually start learning something useful instead of just having Chris hand my ass to me on a daily basis.

“Don’t be too excited, Genim. This is going to be hard work…”

“I don’t care…”

“And this part of your training would be much easier if you were talking to your mother.”

Instead of dignifying that with an answer, I stay quiet and ignore everything she just said concerning my mother. I don’t care how much harder this is going to be if I stay the hell away from my so called mother, because I am not having anything to do with the woman.

Fifteen minutes later, Ms. Davis and I are both sitting on the piece of grass behind the clinic and I have no idea how she makes sitting like this look comfortable, because I don’t know how I am supposed to focus like this. I mean I can barely focus under normal circumstances, so how I am supposed to focus sitting with my legs all folded together.

“Before we start we need to talk about your abilities.”

“My magic.”

“We don’t really have a proper word for your abilities, but I guess magic does come close enough. You need to honor your abilities, because it is a gift, not something to be misused in a moment of weakness. All magic has potential for good and evil, so it can be dangerous and it has a way of coming back to bite you in the ass if you misuse it. So you need to be careful, Genim, and the only way you can control it is practice, because if you don’t, if you neglect the responsibility you have as an Aleksy, it could get yourself and other people killed.”

I am not really sure if this is supposed to be a warning or pep talk and knowing Ms. Davis it’s probably supposed to be some sort strange of mix. Then again I am not really sure what we are doing sitting around out here, because what does this even have to do with magic?

“For your first session, we need to practice your breathing…”

“Breathing… as in inhaling and exhaling air… because I think I have got that one down pretty well seeing that I am _alive_.”

“If you want to control your abilities, I suggest you do as I say instead of asking ridiculous questions. You won’t always understand _why_ , but you will in time.”

This woman has a way about here where you just shut up when she speaks, because even if I am sarcastic and talk back occasionally, I have this strange feeling she could make my life really unpleasant if she ever wanted to.

“Now Genim, will you please sit still and breathe evenly. I want you to practice emptying your mind and breathing as slowly and evenly as possible. Do you understand what you need to do?”

Nodding seems like the best thing to do, because I am not entirely sure I could keep whatever stupid remark bound to come out in, if I actually opened my mouth. So instead I desperately try to make the position as comfortable as possible, which means that I try to prevent the growing pain around my tailbone to worsening (a lost battle, apparently).

After sitting here for what might very well be an embarrassingly short amount of time, I can’t help the awkward and restless feeling growing bigger and bigger. A little later I am actually considering telling her that I would rather just get my ass handed to me by Chris instead of having to sit here for endless amounts of time, because anything is better than this.

“Genim, you need to actually _try_ if you want to do this.”

It feels a little like a slap in the face, probably because I can’t help the feeling that she read my mind. Some of the frustrating ebbs away, but I can’t help the restlessness from growing and it doesn’t get any better as time goes on.

When she finally lets me stand again, my entire backside feels numb and the restlessness under my skin feels almost unbearable. I still have no idea what this whole thing is supposed to help me do, but I am not sure I can do this again, if it leaves me feeling like this every time.

“You have to be patient.”

“But I know how to breathe…”

“You wouldn’t be alive, if you didn’t, I know… but when you find out what this exercise is about you will thank me, because it might end up saving your life.”

My restless mind can’t even focus on what she is saying properly and my body has actually started shacking from the pent up energy buzzing underneath my skin. It honestly feels like I am trapped, so instead of doing the smart thing and driving home in the jeep, I end up deciding to run home. The sun is already setting, but I just need to do _something_.

 

* * *

 

After the first couple of miles, I start to seriously regret my decision to run home. The sun has almost set and it has started getting dark. I probably should have considered this earlier, but I could barely breathe with all the energy running through my body. I don’t know if it is my ADHD reacting since I didn’t take my medication today or if it’s the breathing exercise fucking with my head.

When I reach the halfway make I can hear a car coming up behind me. At first, I don’t really think about it, because why would I? But then I can hear the car slowing down and my heartbeat starts increasing rapidly. How the hell did I get myself into this situation?

Seeing who is sitting behind the wheel doesn’t make it better, because Peter Hale is probably the last person I want to see sitting in a car in the middle of nowhere. Especially considering the creepy grin on his face, because as much as Derek claims that Peter won’t hurt me, because I matter to him, I am not really sure Peter has gotten that update.

“Stiles, I didn’t think I would find you running alone in the dark…”

“Peter…”

“You don’t seem like usual chatty self.”

“Well, my dad did teach me not to talk to strangers and I am kind of fond of that rule.”

“But Stiles, we aren’t strangers… we are _family_!”

It’s not so much what he says, but the way he says it that has every alarm bell going off in my head. There is something completely unpredictable about this way and I am not sure if that’s what scares me the most or if it is the way he looks at me like I am dinner.

“I have family I waiting for me, so I don’t have time to chat.”

“Oh, they must be worried about you all alone in the dark. Why don’t I drive you home?”

The thought of getting into any kind of vehicle let alone a closed one with Peter Hale makes my blood run cold. I might not make the smartest decisions, but I am not suicidal and I have a strange feeling that getting into that car with Peter would likely end with me dead.

“No thank you, I am trying to be healthy… you know exercising and all.”

“Now Stiles, why wouldn’t you accept help instead of putting yourself in unnecessary danger? You never know what is lurking out here…”

“Oh, I know all about what is lurking in the dark, but I am not scared…”

That might be the biggest lie I have ever told in my life, because everything is screaming danger and I have no idea what I am going to do if he forces me. He is a skinwalker, which means that he is faster and stronger than I ever could be no matter how much Chris has trained me. This is going to end badly and for once I don’t know how I am going to get out of it.

The fear doesn’t lessen when Peter stops the car and walks towards me. Everything about him screams predator and there is no doubt in my mind that everything about me is screaming prey. Why the hell did I think running home would be a good idea again?

“Stiles, I don’t think my nephew would forgive me for letting you put yourself in danger…”

“There is nothing dangerous out here…”

“Oh, we both know that isn’t true…”

Peter grabs my arm hard and all I can think about is the bruises it is going to leave behind. How the hell am I going to explain this to my dad? But considering where this is heading, I am not really sure I am going to have a chance to explain it to him.

At the moment, Peter starts pulling in my arm, I can hear someone moving towards us. It isn’t until Jackson is holding Peter’s arm, his hand now removed from my arm, I realize who is surprisingly enough saving my ass. Out of all the people in my life, I have to admit I am surprised that it’s Jackson standing in front of me, especially considering the enraged expression on his face.

“Now _Peter_ , you know Derek would have killed you if he had been the one to catch you here. And, honestly, I have to say I am tempted too.”

“Oh, my dear nephew wouldn’t hurt me; I am just trying to help his little _pet_ , aren’t I, Stiles?”

My brain hasn’t really caught up with what is happening, so I don’t answer, but neither of them see to expect it. Jackson honestly does look like he is seconds away from ripping Peter’s throat out, but I am not sure Derek would be too thrilled about that either.

“Jackson, I am not sure killing Peter would make Derek thrilled either and I would rather not have to explain his uncle’s murder to my boyfriend.”

“It seems Stiles is a lot more forgiving than the rest of us.”

“Your knight in shining armor seems to have things under control, but do greet my nephew from me. I have seen far too little of him since my arrival.”

It’s actually quite impressive how fast Peter manages to get out of here, but it isn’t until he is far out of sight that I can breathe again. This could have ended a lot differently if Jackson hadn’t shown up and I still haven’t really wrapped my head around the fact that it was _Jackson_ who saved me. We have never been anything resembling friends and now he is saving my life?

After taking several deep breaths trying to calm myself down, I turn around to face Jackson. He still looks like he is ready to rip someone’s head off and I think a part of me can’t really understand that the person whose head he wants to rip off isn’t mine. That has pretty much been the essence of my relationship with Jackson since we met and I am not really sure what’s changed.

“Thank you, for helping me… with… _that_.”

“What are you even doing running around out here in the dark?”

“You guys aren’t the only ones who have supernatural practice.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I meet up with some people who are helping me control some more particular familiar traits I have inherited from my mother.”

Jackson doesn’t really look too pleased with my answer and I am not really sure how much I can tell him. I mean Derek and Scott know and seeing as Allison’s father is one of said teachers, she knows too, but I don’t know if I am actually allowed to tell anybody else. Thinking about it, they have never said that I _couldn’t_ tell anybody, so I probably can…

“My family has a special ability, which is kind of like magic, but not really.”

“You have _magic?_ ”

“It’s actually what I used to save everybody a month back, you know with the whole we want to dominate the world and kill all skinwalkers thing the Argents had going on.”

“But why do you need practice? If you used it to save us…”

“Well, technically, it almost killed me, because I didn’t really know what I was doing and it uses my energy or whatever…”

For some reason, my explanation hasn’t really done much for Jackson’s expression. He has gone from looking like he wants to punch me from making no sense to looking like he wants to pull out his hair because it doesn’t make any sense. It’s not really that hard to understand, I mean the energy for the magic has to come from somewhere and if you use too much… you’re dead.

“Why would you do it if it meant getting killed?”

“Because I would rather die than watch all the people I care about get hunted down and murdered for something they can’t help. Skinwalkers don’t choose to be what they are, so they shouldn’t be punished for it.”

At this point, I am not really sure when we started walking, but I am actually walking next to _Jackson Whittemore_ having a (relatively) normal conversation. What the hell happened to normal?

“How has your dad taken the whole thing?”

“I haven’t actually told him. I inherited whatever this is from my mother’s side of the family and she didn’t tell either of us about any of it, so I was pretty surprised when I found out. And it’s not that I could ask her, because she hasn’t exactly been around the last couple of years.”

“You don’t exactly sound thrilled that she is back.”

“When she left… _._ She didn’t say goodbye, she didn’t say where she was going or why… she just _left._ My dad, he didn’t take it well. I practically had to take care of my dad and myself while worrying about how my dad might end up ruining his own life when I wasn’t looking… I mean, eventually things got better, but we have only just gotten to a place where things a good between us. That’s why I am scared of telling him about all of this, because it might just fuck it all up again.”

I am not going to pretend to understand why Jackson wants to know any of this, but a part of me can’t help feeling that he needs to hear it for some reason. It seems like it settles something inside of him that I can’t really understand, but I don’t really mind.

“I am sorry I have been an asshole for the past few days… well, at least, more of an asshole than I usually am anyway.”

“I don’t mind, I know being a skinwalker must be a hard thing to wrap your head around. You deserve some adjustment time.”

Something about Jackson’s expression leaves me feeling on edge. I am not really sure why, but it feels like whatever it is we are doing is important. It feels like it could change things between us.

“I am adopted…”

“What? I don’t understand…”

“My parents told me a while ago and… they asked me not to tell anybody, but they felt like they should tell me for some reason.”

“Have they told you anything else about your adoption?”

This might be the first time I have seen Jackson honestly lost for words. He is honestly just looking at me like I grew another head or something and I am not really sure why. Finding out about being adopted answers a lot of questions about Jackson’s behavior, because he wasn’t just dealing with finding out he is a completely different subcategory of human, he is actually dealing with the fact that his parents gave him up for adoption too. His entire world has changed.

“Something must be wrong with me…”

“Jackson, what are you talking about? Why would something be wrong with you?”

“You heard what Derek told us that night in the clearing… skinwalkers don’t leave their children behind, but _mine left me_. I feel like an _abomination_ … “

“No! I don’t believe any of that, there has to be an explanation for this, Jackson. I am sure they loved you… they probably didn’t even want to leave you.”

I am not really sure where this is coming from, but I don’t think any parent would want to leave Jackson behind, so something horrible must have happened. Hell, his adoptive parents can be absent at times from what Danny has told me, but they have chosen to take him in, to raise and protect him, so there has to be some love there.

“How can you say that? I have been _horrible_ to so many people…”

“You might be confused and you might not be the nicest person to be around at times, but there isn’t something wrong with you…”

“But…”

“Jackson, if there is something wrong with you, then there is something wrong with a really large part of the world’s population. A lot of people aren’t always nice and I am pretty sure you are not the first person who has found out they were adopted who has had some sort of reaction to it.”

It’s obvious that Jackson is trying to sort through everything and I am not really sure what this adoptive parents were thinking telling him that he had to keep quiet. You can’t just tell something like this to a person and expect them to be fine with it! It’s like telling them to stand still while you drive them over with a car; it’s self-destructive.

“Stiles, you can’t tell anybody.”

“I know…”

“No, you don’t understand! You _can’t_ tell _anybody_!”

“I won’t, Jackson. I won’t tell anybody.”

There must be something that calms him down, because he calms down after that. So we just walk in silence the rest of the way home. It’s strange thinking that Jackson came to my rescue of all people and he has actually walked me home. I am not entirely sure that it has been conscious, but I can’t say I don’t appreciate it; I don’t think I could handle running into Peter again.

When we stop in front of my house, Jackson looks around like he doesn’t quite understand how he got there, but he has been pretty caught up in his own thoughts for a while. He looks so incredibly lost standing there and I am not even sure what brings on any of it, but I just need to make sure he is going to be alright.

“Would you be up for doing something with the rest of the skinwalkers?”

“What?”

“We have been talking about doing something together that doesn’t involve Derek acting like a drill sergeant and I just figured you might want to join in.”

“I don’t know…”

“It might be fun.”

“I will try… but you know.”

“I will let you know the time and the place.”

“Right…”

“And thank you again, Jackson… for helping me out with Peter.”

Jackson nods as he walks away. He looks so young walking there like he is carrying the world on his shoulders. I think for the first time I actually understand a little bit of what’s going on underneath that persona Jackson pretends to be. I can even understand why someone like Danny would be best friends with him, because something tells me that if somethings had been different in our lives, Jackson and I might have been really good friends.

Instead, he is just the surprising rescue.


	12. The Frustration of Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty much filling and getting Stiles to a place where he is ready to take the next step in order to find out what is causing the disease, but there are some good moments in there and some frustration. It is hard on everybody having to waiting and knowing nothing about what is going on, so Stiles' temper to flare up occationally ;-)
> 
> I hope you like the chapter and please leave comments and kudos, they make me one happy slightly crazy person  
> Now if I need to add any tags or warnings just let me know  
> Stay safe you lovely people <3

Over the next days, the situation at the hospital hasn’t improve. On the contrary, two more skinwalkers have been admitted to the hospital with the same symptoms and with the doctors still not knowing what disease is causing it or how to treat it, everybody is on edge. People jump at the slightest cough or sniffle and parents are keeping their children home from school, because they are terrified they might get sick.

Knowing the disease only affects skinwalkers hasn’t really eased my fears, because I might be able to praise myself lucky that it hasn’t hit any of my friends, but for how long are we going to be able to keep it up? When is our luck going to run out? Because I can’t handle knowing they might die when I can do nothing to prevent it.

Our meetings are tense since frustration has become the elephant in the room. No one wants to talk about what might happen, because after searching through every piece of material available we still have nothing to show for it. Which means my desperation is growing, because I don’t know what I am supposed to do next.

My magical training doesn’t really improve my mood either, because I don’t feel like I am making any kind of improvement. I might have moved past breathing exercises, but at this point, I have pretty much set fire to everything but the stupid candle. I mean what am I even learning? Sure my friends have gotten really good at extinguishing fires, but I am not really sure that is a skill I am supposed to be proud of.

 

* * *

 

After school I end up going to the library instead of going straight home, because I need a break for seeing their hopeful faces whenever they see me. I am not really sure why they would expect me to just suddenly figure the whole thing out, because I am honestly just as lost as they are.

Desperation has driven me to the point where I am reading the same books for the third time hoping that I am somehow going to find something new that will make everything okay, but deep down I know it’s probably not going to happen.

Despite the bleak prospects, I am still focused enough that I don’t notice Lydia sitting down next to me until she throws her books down on the table. As usual I can’t read Lydia the slightest, so all I can really do is wait until she tells me what the hell she wants from me.

“What do you want, Lydia?”

“I want to know what the hell is going on.”

“You are going to have to be a little bit more specific…”

“Don’t play stupid, Stiles, you know what I mean. Jackson has suddenly started acting nice towards you, he even defended you the other day, and everybody else seems to be in on some kind of secret I don’t know anything about.”

Jackson actually has been freakishly nice to me ever since he saved me from Peter, but I am not really sure how I am supposed to explain that without mentioning skinwalkers or the adoption, so since I am not supposed to mentioned either, this isn’t going to be a fun conversation.

“There isn’t anything to explain…”

“Stiles!”

“No, I am serious. I cleared things up with Jackson and nobody is keeping a secret, it is probably just nerves from the disease going around.”

In all the time I have known Lydia, I have never seen her look like this. It is like she is evaluating every last inch of me and I am not sure if I am going to pass inspection. Lydia has always been the only person who has been able to give me any kind of intellectual competition, but I don’t want to get on her bad side because she is _terrifying._

“Did Jackson tell you his secret or did you find out on your own?”

“I have no idea where you are coming from…”

And I honestly don’t, because I know Jackson never told Lydia or Danny about being adopted and he sure as hell hasn’t told them about being a skinwalker. He has barely been able to admit either to himself, so what the hell is Lydia even talking about?

“How did you find out Jackson is in love with Danny?”

Excuse me _what_?! Did she actually just say what I think she said, because I am pretty sure she said **_Jackson_** _is in love with **Danny**!_ I have no idea how I am supposed to react to this, because this has _never_ been any kind of possibility in my head, but I guess it does make sense. Jackson has always been fiercely protective in a way he has been with his other friends, but I just figured it was the whole best friend deal.

My surprised expression must have let Lydia know she just revealed something she really shouldn’t have, because the next thing I know her expression goes from surprised to terrified to protective in a matter of seconds. This tells me I am about to get myself threatened by Lydia Martin, which isn’t really where I thought this conversation would be heading two minutes ago.

“Stiles…”

“I am not saying a word, I promise, but… why would you say that?”

“Say what?”

“You are _dating Jackson_ … Jackson being in love with Danny with makes your relationship look ridiculous, I mean it makes no sense whatsoever.”

We both know you can’t take back a secret like this, even if Lydia doesn’t want to explain any of it. I still can’t really wrap my head around any of it, because it changes everything I thought I knew about Jackson’s relationships with both Lydia and Danny. Everybody thinks Jackson and Lydia are going to last and have obnoxiously adorable babies and rule the world, but seeing as Danny is the local technological genius that might still happen… only slightly different.

“Jackson doesn’t want to be in love with Danny, but I figured out how he felt about him years ago. I also know what would happen if I tried to force him to admit it to himself or anybody else and… I just want to protect him from himself.”

“Why?”

“Because he might not be my true love but he is still one of my best friends.”

In an absurd deranged way I guess it makes sense. Jackson would probably self-destruct if Lydia ever forced him to face whatever feelings he has towards Danny, because the only person who has more plans for Jackson that his parents are himself and I think a part of him might think those plans can’t happen if he replaced Lydia with Danny.

“Why would you even think I knew?”

“I am not even sure… I guess I might have hoped that he was confiding in you considering you’re in a relationship with another guy…”

“What the hell am I supposed to do about this? I can’t walk up to Jackson and tell him that I know if he doesn’t want to talk about it, because I guarantee you that if he doesn’t want to talk to you about it, he sure as hell doesn’t want to talk to me about it. I mean we have just become something that could even resemble friends…”

“I really don’t know…”

‘That has to be a first’ is right on the tip of my tong, but I catch myself before it comes out. Insulting Lydia as friendly as I might mean it probably isn’t the best idea, so for once in my life I decide to keep my mouth shut. It’s probably a good thing.

 

* * *

 

Don’t ask me how, but somehow I managed to forget about the movie night we have planned for the skinwalkers tonight. In the desperate attention at convince Derek that it is a great idea I volunteered to have it at my place, since Derek really isn’t all that favorable in the first place.

So from the minute I step through the door I start running around trying to make up for the time I lost. I don’t think I really thought this through when I agreed to host this thing, because there are so many things that need to be ready and I have no idea how I am going to manage it all. Just the amount of food you need to feed five skinwalkers is insane and for some reason I thought it would be a great idea to cook instead of just ordering in, which I am seriously regretting at the moment.

“Hey kid, what are you doing?”

“Dad, I am busy right now!”

“I can tell, which is why I would like to know why my son is overworking himself considering he has PTSD diagnosis.”

“I don’t have time for this right now!”

The next time, I look up my dad has left for work and someone is knocking on the door. So I am forced to answer the door covered in flour and I am not really sure if I am supposed to be pleased or horrified to find Derek on the other side of the door. He does look slightly scared, but he still kisses my forehead before coming in, so it can’t be all bad.

It takes me a while to realize what is going on with Derek, because he might not say much under normal circumstances, but he seriously isn’t saying a word right now. He actually has the nerve to be _brooding_ when I am doing this for him! I am not really sure if I want to slap him or just prove him wrong, but it really doesn’t help my mood to see him sitting by the counter doing absolutely nothing but watching me run around like a crazy person.

In the end, I can’t take it anymore, but I really didn’t mean to yell _that loud_.

“You better get off your ass _right now_ and help out or I swear to God, I am going to burn your eyebrows off!”

That seems to catch his attention, but having him chop vegetables doesn’t really take enough of my workload that I don’t still want to slap him. I am working my ass of so that he doesn’t seem like a freaking drill sergeant and he can’t even muster a little bit of positivity!

Right at the point, where I am about to start in on another lecture, the doorbell rings. It turns out Jackson decided to come over early looking awfully put together, which only makes me want to lie down and die even more, because I do _not_ look any better right now.

“Hey guys, is there anything I can help with?”

“At least, someone around here knows how to be a gentleman.”

Jackson looks like he doesn’t understand what the hell is going on, but he doesn’t complain when I put him to work. My frustration doesn’t handle Derek’s reaction well, because he actually manages to look even more moping than before. But he must be able to tell I am frustrated with him, because the next thing I know he has gotten up and put the knife down rather violently before walking into the living room while talking.

“I am going to set the table…”

Seeing as Jackson doesn’t know what the hell is happening, he looks like he doesn’t know if he should just start running now. He actually manages these doe eyes that I don’t know how to handle.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“Stiles, your boyfriend pretty much stumped out of here looking like a five year old who got reprimanded by their mother. I don’t want to make things weird between you…”

“You haven’t, things are fine.”

“Stiles…”

“Look… Derek and I fight, we actually do it a lot lately, because everybody is on edge because of everything that is happening. It just gets misdirected sometimes that’s all.”

From the look on his face, I am not really sure if Jackson believes me. I am not sure I would have believed me a few days ago, but for the first time in a long time, I actually believe Derek isn’t going to walk out on because we had a small fight. It feels good and I make a mental reminder to bring it up in therapy, because in a way it feels like a small victory.

“I have been thinking about things lately.”

“You have got to be more specific, Jackson.”

“I have been thinking about what might have happened to my parents and… I think I might want to know. I am not sure if it’s a good idea, but I think I might need to know.”

There is a determination in Jackson’s eyes I don’t think I have seen before. I have seen pure will shinning from them whenever he steps onto a lacrosse field, but I have never seen anything like this. In a way, I am even proud of Jackson for accepting it in whatever small way he can.

“I will you if you want.”

“What?”

“I will help you find out what happened to your parents.”

“But why would you do that?”

“Don’t make it more complicated that it needs to be.”

“But…”

“Hey, I have got the research skills, so I might as well use them for good.”

For some reason, Jackson finally seems to accept the fact that I want to help without there being some ulterior motive lurking in the shadows. But honestly, I am not really sure why I am so invested in this. It might just be some leftover gratitude from him saving me from Peter, but I think a part of it might have something to do with the guilt I feel about keeping it a secret that I know about his feelings for Danny.

Every part of me wants to ask about it and tell him that loving Danny instead of Lydia doesn’t change anything for him, but I don’t know that. The world isn’t as perfect as I would like to think and I don’t think I have ever heard Mrs. and Mr. Whittemore be supportive of gay rights, so there might be some fear for their reaction.

But I respect Jackson enough to let him tell me when he is ready to bring it up. I have found that pushing rarely helps when it comes to Jackson, because he is just going to push back twice as hard.

 

* * *

 

During the next forty minutes the rest of the other skinwalkers arrive. It’s ridiculous watching them, because they have become so comfortable around each other considering they have barely known each other for a few weeks. I mean I don’t think I have seen Scott talk to Isaac at school and here they are joking around in my living room like it is the most natural thing in the world.

Everybody seems ridiculously pleased with the homemade pizza, which is probably a good thing, because if anybody said anything bad about them I might have just punched them in the face. But being as ridiculous as they are they end up arguing about the differences they have experienced since coming into their skinwalker inheritance.

For a few seconds I actually consider having to explain the blood from Erica smashing a chair on Scott’s head to my dad, until lets out this strange little growl that makes every skinwalker in the room look strangely nervous. I am probably never going to understand any of it, but the whole skinwalker aspect of their friendship dynamics are oddly fascinating.

For some reason, I doubt any of them would be able to betray each other. There is just something about the way they interact with each other in a way that makes it seem like they are dependent on each on in this strange way. But Derek did say that with most of them having pack animals for spirit animals they would be drawn to groups of similar skinwalkers.

“So what movies are we going to watch?”

“Erica, I am not sitting through another Star Wars marathon!”

“What’s wrong with Star Wars? They’re classics!”

“Stiles, there is a reason we have been best friends for this long and I still haven’t watched those movies.”

“I have already told you that you are committing a cultural crime…”

“Wait, you haven’t watch _any_ of the Star Wars movies?”

Scott actually has the decency to look embarrassed when Isaac puts it like that, because I am clearly the wronged person her seeing as my best friend doesn’t want to watch _Star Wars_! I mean he hasn’t even seen the new trilogy, even if it is the completely inferior one!

“What about the Dark Knight Returns?”

“Come on, we all know the Dark Knight is far superior to the last installment.”

“How about the new Indiana Jones, then?”

“Like any serious Indiana Jones can watch that movie without wanting to run away screaming.”

“Stiles, you can’t just veto everybody’s movie selection!”

“I have vetoed two, _two_ movies, Scott! Besides you vetoed Star Wars! _Star Wars!_ ”

At this point, Derek is the only neutral party involved seeing as he hasn’t come up with his own suggestion, which for some reason means that he gets to decide on this veto war. The odd constipated expression on his face means that he would rather we just pick something, because he doesn’t want to get involved in anything that could piss off any member of his new group.

“Stiles is going to decide. He planned the whole night, so I think he deserves it.”

I can’t help the fuzzy feeling spreading in my stomach, partly because he didn’t even phrase that as a question, he pretty much just ordered them to let me decide. It only makes it better that this is the first time he has acknowledged all the hard work I put into making this night happen, which also means that he is agreeing with me which might just be the best thing ever.

“Come on!”

“Yeah, Scott’s right you are just picking Stiles because he is your boyfriend!”

“Why is Erica even smiling?”

“Isaac, you do realize Stiles is going to pick Star Wars, right? He is going to pick the movie Erica wanted to watch in the first place.”

Jackson is really pissed off, but I can’t help feeling a little smug. The complaining does die down as we make it towards the TV, because I end up making a compromise that we will be watching the Matrix, since nobody can argue with the brilliance of Keanu Reeves dodging bullets.

When we sit down I can’t help sitting a little closer to Derek than I probably should and I can’t help the kiss, I mean have you seen my boyfriend? How can you not kiss him? The others don’t really agree, because as soon as my lips touch his there is a collective groan going through the room, but it only makes me laugh.

“If you are going to give Stiles veto power over the movie selection, we get the veto PDA!”

“No chance in hell, Jackson.”

I am not even really sure where that came from, but I can’t help feeling a little rebellious and Derek doesn’t seem to mind. He actually seems quite pleased when I kisses him again for show and sits down even closer to him, which means that I am pretty much sitting on top of him.

The groaning continues for a while until the movie has begun and then everybody just watches in comfortable silence. Sure there is the occasional comment about something awesome that the rest just agrees with, because you can’t argue the brilliance of the Matrix, you just can’t.

 

* * *

 

A little later my dad makes an appearance looking completely exhausted. When I hear the front door open and I just yell that there is homemade pizza in the oven for him to heat up if he want something to eat. He makes a sound of agreement as he walks towards the kitchen.

His presence seems to startle everybody a little bit except Derek and Scott who have gotten used to him stopping by unannounced, because of his horrid work schedule because of the disease. People are constantly calling the police station to report their neighbors having the disease and not reporting to the hospital, which usually ends with my dad having to come out to half of them to explain that their neighbor just has a cold. He doesn’t complain, but I know it annoys him that he has to spend his time with that instead of focusing on the disease spreading.

“What are you guys watching?”

“Having a Matrix marathon. Are you all right, dad? You look exhausted.”

“I had a meeting with the town council… they decided to postpone the mayoral election to minimize disease spreading. It’s probably a good thing, but it means a lot of phone calls from worried citizens and we are overworked as it is.”

“Any news from the hospital.”

“Nothing new, but they still don’t understand why it’s only teenagers who are affected or how the disease even spreads. We can’t find any connection between the victims and it is making people more and more frustrated… I am sorry for being a party killer. I’ll take a shower, but thanks for dinner, kid.”

When my dad leaves the room it feels like someone died. The good mood as completely vanished and I can feel Derek has grown distant and broody all over again. Isaac looks like he wants to crawl into a ball and never leave, while Scott looks like he doesn’t know what the hell he is supposed to do with himself.

“I didn’t know it was _that_ bad…”

Erica’s the first to break the silence and I realize none of the others are faced with the strain it is putting on the people trying to protect us every day. Sure, we are trying to find a way to cure it, but those people in the hospital are just names and maybe a face you got a glimpse of in the hallways, so it doesn’t really feel real. Not unless you see my dad growing more and more tired while developing that unhealthy glow that makes me nervous. I am honestly scared he is going to break if this doesn’t end soon and I don’t want to lose after just getting him back.

“Everybody at the station and the hospital are pulling as many shifts as they can trying to solve this thing, but they aren’t getting anywhere, because they don’t know what this thing is. They don’t know that it is only affecting skinwalkers, because they don’t know skinwalkers exist.”

“Is telling them even an option?”

“Erica… I think telling them should be a last resort and if we tell them we don’t make it a public announcement. We don’t want to cause a panic and we don’t want the rogue hunters trying to use this disease as some kind of weapon against other skinwalkers.”

“I guess killing every skinwalker in town without risking any humans would sound promising to some hunters… I am just happy Gerard isn’t around to try…”

“But what can we even do?”

Everybody looks so lost, it almost physically hurts sitting here. They are all terrified for their lives and the lives of their families, because even if it hasn’t hit any of them yet, who knows how long that is going to last? Who knows how long it is going to be until it’s one of them in the hospital and the thought alone is making me sick.

“Scott, we have to keep trying…”

“But if we can’t do anything… are those people going to die?”

Isaac’s word probably weren’t meant to have the affect they do, but I can’t help feeling that I am failing them. The moment it was brought up, I knew what I should do, but I didn’t want to even consider it. I am still not sure I want to, but it is something I need to do. Friendship means sacrifice and having the knowledge we have, it means taking responsibility for those who know less.

Before the others answer, I stand up. Well, I try to stand up, because Derek’s grip on my shoulders tighten and I just end up right where I started. He looks so incredibly suspicious and I am not ready to tell him about this just yet.

“I just remembered I need to buy something before the store closes…”

“Stiles, what could you possibly need this late…”

“Derek, I am not going to give you a shopping list every time I have to go to the store, so please just let go so I can get going, okay?”

He obviously doesn’t want me to leave, but I also know he can’t ague without coming off as possessive and controlling, which is one my things. We talked about some of the things we wouldn’t put up with when we started going out and I made it perfectly clear that I don’t want a boyfriend who controls my life, so he can’t argue without causing a fight.

So I end up walking out the door hating that I just had to lie to everybody, but knowing that this might be the only chance we have at saving them.

 

* * *

 

Looking at the hotel it is really what I expected, but then again I am not really sure what I expected coming here. Everything looks run down and I praise myself lucky that I am going home to my nice comfy clean bed when this is over.

The ongoing debate for and against this keeps running through my mind, but in the end the fact that this might save my friends trumps everything else. There is no arguing, but I still hate it when I knock on the door. I hate it even more when my mother opens the door.

“Me being here doesn’t change anything! It doesn’t mean I have forgiven you, not by a long shot, but I need your help.”

“My help?”

“Yes… I need your help finding a cure.”


	13. This Isn't Harry Potter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for not updating for almost a month, but my computer crashed and deleted everything, which means the plot for this story was deleted too, so i have been working on putting it back together. It has been harder than expected and it probably won't be as good as the one I planned in the first place, which really pisses me off, because it won't be the way I wanted it. If my dad manages to salvage the old plot at some point I might edit everything from now on in the future, but i didn't want to make you wait too much longer. 
> 
> Anyway, this is an emotional chapter for some of the characters (well, most of them really) and it's the beginning of a storyline, i am really excited to hear your opinion on (It's Isaac centric), but i hope you like the chapter :)
> 
> Please keep leaving kudos and comments, i love reading what you guys think and especially now, please tell me if there are any plotholes, because i think i have gotten everything handled, but I am not 100 % sure.  
> Tell me if I need to add any tags or warnings  
> Stay safe you lovely, lovely people <3

At this point, I am not really sure who is more confused, me or my mother. She looks like she has no idea what I am talking about and I don’t really understand how she doesn’t know the disease is affecting skinwalkers. I mean, she is supposed to be good at this, right? That’s why Chris, Deaton and Ms. Davis have been pushing me to accept her from her, because she knows what she is doing.

I can feel the frustration creeping in on me. Her knowledge is the only reason I am here and if she can’t even offer that then what the hell am I doing here? But I guess a part of me expected her to let me down, because otherwise I would have told the others… I just hoped I could be wrong for once.

“Never mind, you clearly don’t know what I am talking about…”

“No! Stiles… _please_ , what are you talking about.”

Usually, I would be on my way out of the door, but the same voice that kept telling me that I needed to put my pride aside is now telling me to not give up on her just yet. I don’t want the voice to be right, but my distrust in her is probably clouding my opinion on the matter.

“You know about the teenagers in the hospital, right?”

“Sure, I have been worried about you, why do you ask?”

“All those teenagers are skinwalkers…”

“They can’t be! Skinwalkers…”

“Don’t get sick, yeah, we know that. We haven’t been able to figure out much, but our research shows that there have been epidemics among skinwalkers hundreds of years ago. Only everybody thought the epidemics were extinct, so no one bothered preserving knowledge concerning treatment or cause or anything really, so we are running out of options.”

“And your last option was coming here hoping I would know something your books don’t.”

When you put it like that it does make me seem like an asshole, but how the hell am I supposed to trust the woman who left the man she loved and her child behind? Every time I look at her I am reminded of those months after where I thought my dad might drink himself into an early grave any day and I can’t help but resent her. I hate that she could do that to her family.

“Look, I am not going to lie, I wouldn’t be here if my friends weren’t in danger and Deaton and Chris hadn’t mentioned you might know more than we do, but… I _need to know_ if you know more than this _.”_

“The Aleksy family do have more information on the extinct diseases, but you have to understand that this is the first recorded case of skinwalker illness in almost a thousand years. I have no practical experience with any of this…”

“If you can’t help just say it…”

“I didn’t say that, but I need to see the skinwalkers affected before drawing any conclusions.”

“You do realize they are in a _hospital_ , they aren’t just going to let us walk in there and examine their patients because we feel like it.”

The expression on my mother’s face reminds me of my first grade English teacher every time I would ask one of those questions she didn’t think I could comprehend. It pisses me off just as much as it did in the first grade, because I am not stupid. I am probably smarter than most of the adult population I have been in contact with, but I know I can’t expect them to treat me differently when I act like a five year old with concentration difficulties on a daily basis.

“I will take care of that, but… why come to me _now_? This has been coming on for almost a week and I am guessing you have known for a least a few days.”

“As much as I dislike having any kind of contact with you, I realized I couldn’t put my pride over my friends’ wellbeing anymore. I don’t want them to die because I couldn’t ask for help.”

She still looks like she is evaluating every move I make, but at least now she looks like she actually has a little bit of respect for me. I still want to punch her in the face, but for some reason the sliver of respect in her eyes appeases the need for now.

 

* * *

 

So we make our way to the hospital without saying much. My mother doesn’t try to talk to me and I am not really sure if I am happy or sad about that. On one hand, I can’t help thinking that she is supposed to want to know everything about me, but on the other hand, I am happy I don’t have to dodge whatever lame attempt she would make at figuring out how my mind works.

In the hospital parking lot, she starts moving towards the hospital like she expects to just walk in without anybody stopping her and I am not really sure what to do. Is this her plan? Does she expect to be let in if she just appears confident enough or does she have something up her sleeve I don’t know about?

“Stiles, aren’t you coming?”

“Sure, but now would be an ideal time to tell me how the hell you expect us to make into the rooms of the _quarantined_ patients who probably have almost constant supervision. You might not remember this, but Beacon Hills is small; people actually know each other around here which means you are going to stand out like a sore thumb in there.”

“Just follow me, Stiles.”

The up giving tone in her voice only makes me want to start screaming, but I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt so I start walking. Right after walking inside, she starts scanning the room and walks over in the right corner of the waiting area. At first, I don’t understand what the hell she is doing, until I realize she is standing in one of the camera’s blind spots. She actually has a plan.

“Now, I need you to grab my wrist and you _can’t_ let go, do you understand me?”

“Sure, but why don’t you try explaining? It works really great when you are trying to convince people to do something.”

Instead of answering she grabs my wrist and then she drags me along a moment later. I still don’t have any idea what the hell is happening, but five seconds later I notice Ms. McCall walking towards us. I instantly come up with a series of ridiculous excuses, until I realize she is looking right at me and _she can’t see me!_

I have no idea how the hell she is doing this, but my mother has actually made us _invisible_! How she is doing this is beyond me, but all the possible uses of this keeps flashing through my mind and I can’t wait to try it out myself someday.

“Did you just make us invisible?”

“Keep your voice down, Stiles.”

“But…”

“Not _now_.”

For some reason, the idea that me being quiet might be one of the factors keeping us invisible or whatever we are pops into my head. At the same time, my mind is working a hundred miles a minute to try and figure out how she is doing this, but I can’t quite get the pieces to fit together.

Right when my curiosity is getting the better of me, we turn around the corner and my mother turns towards me. I don’t notice us stopping, so I end up walking right into her and I can feel her fighting to keep a hold on my wrist. Whatever she is doing seems to be depended on us staying in physical contact.

“I don’t have time to explain everything right now, because I can’t keep this up indefinitely. This isn’t like Harry Potter, Stiles. You can’t wave a wand and magic happens, this takes practice and huge amounts of energy and preparation. We aren’t ‘invisible’ or whatever you want to call it, but I have made a sort of glamour using mistletoe that prevents people from noticing us as long as we don’t draw attention to ourselves, so you need to stay quiet, okay?”

It seems almost impossible, but I manage a nod and then we are on our way again. She seems to know where we are heading, because suddenly I find myself in a hospital room with one of the teenagers I recognize from our research. She looks so incredibly pale and her breathing… it honestly seems like a miracle that she is breathing at all and I can’t help feeling guilty that I didn’t come to my mother sooner, because maybe these people wouldn’t have had to suffer so much.

“Do you know what it might be?”

“I have my suspicions, but I won’t know until I have run a couple of tests.”

“Tests? You didn’t say…”

“Stiles, the doctors run several tests every day on these people, besides my methods hurt far less than anything the doctors have put them through at this point.”

As if to prove it she uses small vials I didn’t even notice she had before now to collect blood in what might be the strangest way I have ever seen. She seems to be using old puncture wounds from previous blood tests to fill the vials and one of them she even fills with what seems to be saliva. I don’t bother asking why, because I am not sure I am going to like the answer to why the hell she needs their saliva or the few strains of her she cuts off.

One day I might understand what the hell she is doing, but right now I feel like I am watching something magical for the lack of a better word. You would think that months of skinwalkers, hunters and my own magic would have desensitized me, but this just seems unreal.

Underneath all the focus in her eyes, I can’t help but notice something else. I doubt she meant for me to see it, but there seems to be some kind of worry there. Well, I am not really sure you can call it worry, but she doesn’t really seem pleased, which doesn’t make me feel any better about the whole thing.

It also makes me wonder if there is something she isn’t telling me.

 

* * *

 

When we reach the blind spot again my mother finally let’s go of my wrist. I didn’t really notice how tight she had been holding on to me, until I can feel the blood rushing back and my fingers starts tingling slightly. It feels so surreal knowing that we just walking through the hospital, into a quarantined area and nobody saw us. Nobody freaking saw us and my mother doesn’t even act like it’s a big deal. Well, it probably isn’t for us, but I still really haven’t gotten used to the idea that this could be me some day.

Right when I think we pulled this off without anybody ever having to find out, I see my dad walking through the doors. The expression on his faces changes instantly the second he notices us, well, I think he notices me first because he has got this confused expression on his face that changes when I think he notices my mother. Then he just so hurt, I want to tell him that this isn’t what he thinks.

“Dad, please let me explain…”

“No, Stiles, you need to tell me what the hell you are doing at the hospital with _her_!”

Yeah, he is definitely as pleased to see me around my mother as I am to be around her. I wish I could just tell him everything, so he would stop looking at me like I betrayed him, because I wouldn’t. But I can’t tell him right now, so I need to deflect and pretend to keep him safe.”

“And what are you doing back at work? You are supposed to have the night off so you can catch up on some sleep, dad! You can’t keep working yourself into an early grave!”

“The Chief of Staff called me, because there has been a development with the case.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am not supposed to tell you this, but you are going to find out soon anyway… about five minutes ago one of the teenagers died. We are preparing a press statement, because this means that the disease has become fatal. We don’t want a mass hysteria on our hands, but we need to take preventative measures to assure that as few as possible gets infected with whatever this is.”

It feels like a punch in the face after seeing that girl, because I can’t help but wonder if it was her. It would have been right after we left the room and the guilt starts rising in me again. Maybe if I had just asked for help sooner, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, because maybe I could have prevented it. Maybe I could have found a cure before it had to come to this.

“I need to leave, kid, but I don’t want you think I didn’t notice you changing the subject before, so don’t you think you got one over on your old man, okay?”

“Sure, dad, but call me if anything happens and get some sleep. Exhausted really isn’t a good look on you.”

“I am not sure it’s a good look on anyone, kid. Now, Claudia, we need to have a discussion about you putting our son in danger, because you might not want to keep him safe, but I sure as hell do. What the hell were you thinking bringing your _son_ into a hospital currently under quarantine for an infectious disease that only affects teenagers! Do you even think?!”

When he says my mother’s name his voice changes into something I have only ever heard when he has talked to criminals. It’s so cold and unyielding that you instinctually want to hide and it’s obvious that my mother recognizes it too, because her eyes widen a little. I don’t think she expected this, but then again I am not really sure what she expected would happen when she met my dad.

As he storms off, I can’t help but notice the guilt in my mother’s eyes. I am not sure what exactly she feels guilty about because we both know that I can’t get infected with the disease, even if my dad doesn’t know that. Maybe she just realized how much damage she did by leaving, because I am pretty sure my dad has changed just as much as I have since she left.

“You haven’t told your dad about the… bizarre occurrences.”

“We found out, dad has a heart condition, a few years back, so I don’t want him stressing out or worrying about what might happen to me if I leave the house… Look, I know that I can’t put the _bizarre_ behind me, I am too involved to turn back now and I don’t want to turn back, it’s a part of who I am.”

Sometimes I think I might be able to read her, while other times like now, I have no idea what the hell I am supposed to think. She looks so cold and distant, I am not really sure if I ever really knew her growing up. I mean, she kept so much from both me and my dad, I am not really sure if I actually knew _her_ and maybe that’s why she hoped things would be different when she came back, because I would _know_. But I don’t think any of it has been what she expected or hoped.

“Why don’t I contact you when I have the test results? It probably won’t be until tomorrow afternoon, but I will try and see if I can’t hurry them a little…”

“Look, we work as a team, which means that whatever you find out you are going to share with all of us. When you have the results you should drop by Deaton’s and he will contact the rest of us so you can tell us what you have found out.”

“Alright, I will contact Deaton. Stiles?”

“What?”

“I just want you to know that you and Derek seem good together; I always thought you would be.”

I have no idea how she does it, but before I can ask her what the hell she meant by that she is gone. Then again considering we just walked through the entire hospital without anybody noticing us it probably shouldn’t surprise as much as it does. I guess I have to get used to some different rules concerning her.

 

* * *

 

On my way home from the hospital, I stop by the grocery store to keep up my cover. I am not really sure if anybody is actually going to believe picking up a gallon of milk took this long, considering the store is always pretty much empty at this hour, so it never takes more than a couple of minutes.

All I can really hope for is that they don’t really think too hard about any of it or that they at least won’t bring it up, because this might one cover of mine that won’t stand up to scrutiny. Usually, I make sure they at least stand primary inspection, but I didn’t really expect the trip to the hospital.

Back at the house, everybody is waiting for me. They have just started on the last installment of the matrix trilogy, but nobody really seems to be paying any attention to it. They all seem too caught up in their own heads to notice anything, which might be my saving grace.

Everybody seem happy that I am back, but Isaac’s reaction has got me worried. He seems genuinely relieved to see me back and I am not really sure I understand why. I mean he doesn’t know I went to the hospital, so why would he be worried? It’s Bacon Hills, so nothing really happens around here.

“I actually have some news. There is probably going to be a statement soon, but I don’t want you to find out from a press release on the radio or something. You probably noticed my dad leaving early and he actually called me a little while ago to tell me why so I didn’t have to worry about him being gone. There isn’t really an easy way to say this, so I am just going to say it; one of the skinwalkers in the hospital died about twenty minutes ago from the disease.”

“Are you serious?”

“Of course, he is serious, Jackson! Stiles wouldn’t say something like that unless it’s true.”

“Scott’s right, but I can’t really believe it either…”

Everybody seems to take it hard and I can’t really understand what it must be like it be them right now. Knowing that there is a disease out there we don’t have a cure for that might actually kill you after putting you through painful days in the hospital. I mean, I am scared and I can’t even get it!

“What are we going to do about? I mean we aren’t closer to finding a cure than we were days ago and this thing could actually…”

“Erica, we can’t do anything tonight, so I want everybody to get some sleep before we meet up tomorrow and talk this thing through, okay? Terrifying ourselves right now won’t help anybody.”

Hearing Derek say those words calms me down and it seems to have the same effect on the others. It probably has something to do with him being the oldest and the only one of us who actually knows anything about skinwalkers, but it’s still nice.

“I am going to get started on the dishes, but you can stay as long as you need to. I am sure my dad would understand if you don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Do you need help?”

Isaac’s request to help surprises me more than I would like to admit and even if a part of me was looking forward to doing the dishes alone and gathering my thoughts about everything that has happened tonight, I won’t say no to some company either.

“Sure, you can’t say no to that.”

After collecting all the dishes from the living room, everybody but Derek leave. I can’t blame them for wanting to be home in known surroundings after news like that, because they have to be tired and shocked. I just wish there was more I could do for them, because I still haven’t been able to shake the feeling that this is all my fault somehow. If only I had asked for help sooner, maybe we would have been able to prevent this.

Like me, Derek seems like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. So I am not surprised to hear the back door closing because he probably need to run and get rid of some of all the excess energy. I really wish tonight would have ended better, because everything had gone great until all this freaking disease crab had to ruin the mood. Everybody seemed comfortable and talking and it’s frustrating that this had to ruin it.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Isaac, I told you I don’t mind you asking me questions.”

“I know you don’t mind us asking questions about what happened, but this is about your dad.”

“Oh, right… you can still ask me, I don’t mind.”

To say I wasn’t surprised about this conversation is an understatement. Isaac has always asked questions and he has even started greeting me in the hallways at school seeming genuinely pleased to see me, considering we haven’t said a word to each other before a few weeks ago. But he seems like a really great guy and Derek actually seems to get along with him, which says a lot about Isaac.

“Your dad had to go to the hospital, right? When they called earlier… It’s just that you have to be worried about him, I mean I know he can’t get sick, but after finding out about… _everything_ , you must be worried about him…”

“Isaac, please breathe, I am not going to be angry with you for asking questions.”

“Would you tell your dad about everything?”

“I have considered it.”

“Really?”

“Of course, it would make everything easier for them, because I wouldn’t have to keep all these secrets from him. It would explain why my mother left us and everything that happened with Gerard and Kate Argent, I mean it would even explain everything that has him worried about the disease now, but at the same time it is a lot to take in. I am not really sure I have taken it all in yet and I am practicing magic every day and it changes everything you have ever thought about the world. Everything changes really.”

From Isaac’s expression, I am not really sure that was the answer he was looking for, but I am not really sure that was the question he really wanted to ask either. Then again, I am not really sure if he knows what he wants to know either, so it can’t be easy on him.

“So you and your dad are close?”

“Honestly, we didn’t really have much of a relationship until a few months ago, Up until that point we pretty much just tried to avoid each other as much as possible, because we couldn’t really face everything that had happened after my mother left us.”

“What changed between you? I mean something must have happened…”

“Isaac, it’s fine. I told you. With me and my dad, it wasn’t really one thing that changed. We just started communicating again slowly and then everything with Gerard happened… my relationship with Derek has made for some entertaining conversation too.”

The last comment manages to get a small laugh out of Isaac, but I am still not entirely sure why Isaac is so interested in my relationship with my dad. It’s not really all that interesting unless you are me or my dad, so what is he getting from all of us?

“Why do you want to know? Are you fighting with your dad about everything that is happening?”

“Not really, we aren’t really that close.”

“I didn’t know, I thought you helped him out with his job at the cemetery…”

“I do, but it’s just… things haven’t been good at home the last few years.”

Every thinkable alarm bell starts going off like crazy, because the way Isaac won’t look me in the eye speaks volumes and everything about those words screams understatement of the century. In my mind, I start going through every memory, but I can’t remember noticing anything like this before and dismissing it as being nothing. I can’t remember anything that might suggest what is going through my head right now.

“Isaac, what do you mean when you say things haven’t been good at home?”

“When I was ten, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and we thought she was going to make it for a while, but… she died two years ago. My dad didn’t really take losing her well, so him and my brother Camden, they started fighting over small things, until my brother enlisted a year and a half ago when he turned eighteen… my brother, he didn’t come back from Iraq, so it’s just me and my dad now.”

Hearing him admit that he has lost both his mom and brother makes me feel like maybe my life hasn’t been all that tough after all. I can’t even imagine the pain of first losing your mom and then your brother shortly after. It’s a small town, so I recognize parts of Isaac’s story, but I never really connected it to him for some reason I am not entirely sure of.

“You and your dad doesn’t really get along?”

“No, I try to help him… I mean, I try to be good, but… sometimes I do something _wrong_.”

“Isaac, what do you mean by wrong?”

“I have chores around the house, but sometimes… sometimes I don’t have time to do them all _and_ do my homework, so he has to… he has to _punish me_ for letting him down.”

All of this is adding to my suspicion, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions, so I need to hear him say it. I need to actually hear him saying what I am thinking or I can’t believe that this is actually real. I try not to stare, but I can tell that his hands have started shaking more and more, until the point where it is his entire body shaking. So I take the glass he is drying from him and put it down.

“What does your dad do when he punishes you, Isaac?”

“It’s my fault… I keep making him angry, I really don’t mean to, but I… I keep making him _angry_. And it has gotten better, it really has! He hasn’t locked me in the freezer in months and he never hits me so hard that I pass out anymore, it really has gotten better…”

It makes me sick to my stomach to hear him stumble over the words and _actually making excuses_ for his dad _abusing him!_ What kind of parent actually locks their child in a freaking freezer! It takes me a while to notice Isaac has started backing away from me and it hits me that he thinks I am angry with him.

“No! Isaac, I am not angry with you!”

“But you…”

“Isaac, I am angry with your dad!”

“But he…”

“There is no buts for what he is doing to you! No matter what you might have done _nothing_ gives your dad permission to punch or hurt you, do you understand what I am telling you? What he is doing to you, it is against the _law_!”

Isaac looks so incredibly small almost shrinking into himself with the tears running down his face, but I don’t know what I am supposed to do here. His dad has probably been abusing him ever since his brother died and maybe even before that. It hurts me to think that nobody has noticed him suffering, because I have always thought his timidness and gentle nature has come from him being a shy person, but now it seems that it has been beaten into him by his deranged father.

“I can’t let you go back to him tonight or ever, but do you have anywhere you can go?”

“I have nobody…nowhere…”

Like some knight in shining armor Derek decides to step into the kitchen with eyes filled with a brokenness I don’t think I have seen in them expect when he speaks of his own family. Even now he still has this warmness about him that he always has around the other skinwalkers that I haven’t really gotten used to yet. It makes me think that he is going to be a great leader, even if he doesn’t think so.

“You can stay with me until we can figure things out, okay?”

Isaac looks so surprised, I don’t think he really understand what is happening, but he does manage to nod. I have to say I am a little surprised myself, especially considering that Derek doesn’t really have a place to live at the moment, but I don’t want to ruin the moment.

“We are going to make sure you don’t have to go back to your dad…”

My words seem to make it real for him somehow that he doesn’t have to go back to his dad. I am not really sure how to describe his reaction, but I don’t think this is what he expected to happen. He is so used to being pushed aside and being told that he doesn’t matter that I think the only thing he expected was rejected, when he finally decided to talk to somebody about it.

Now he looks so incredibly relieved like all the weight he has been carrying around has been lifted off his shoulders, but at that same time he looks strangely heartbroken too. But I am not going to pretend to understand anything that is happening inside that head of his, I just hope we can make things better for him.

“You don’t ever have to go back to him, Isaac…”

“I don’t want to go back, I really don’t, but… he is my _dad._ ”

This is when he really starts crying and the sobs shakes him body with such a force I rush over and put my arms around him. He just clutches onto so tightly I can’t breathe properly, but I don’t want him to let go. I am going to endure all the squeezing if it means that he knows that he doesn’t have to do this alone, because I am going to do everything I can to keep him safe.

My heart breaks to see him hurting this way.


	14. When Did This Become My Life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is fallout from the last chapter, before I start introducing some factors that are important for how the mystery is going to be solved... It's going to be awesome! It's going to involve some Jackson, some Derek, some Peter and some general parental issues, but I think it's going to come together decently in the end :)
> 
> As a bit of sad news, all the plot points are lost for ever (RIP), but I am hoping I can make this good anyway and that I won't forget anything important. So if there is any plot holes, please tell me so I can fix them. I want to make this as good as possible for you guys reading it.
> 
> Anyway, please do leave kudos and comment, they warm a writer's heart. Besides, I love hearing your thoughts <3  
> Tell me if I need to add any taggs or warnings  
> Stay safe you lovely, lovely people <3

This whole night has felt like a strange mix between a nightmare and a dream. None of it feels real, because how the hell did this become my life? When did my life become having to go to my estranged mother for help, breaking into the hospital while being _invisible,_ and now helping one of my new friends escape his psychopathic father, who no one noticed beats the living daylights out of him?

The worst part is that I didn’t notice, because I feel like I should. I know I haven’t been friends with Isaac for long, but I should have seen _something_ , I should have helped him sooner. Deep down in know that it’s bullshit, because how was I supposed to notice, but it doesn’t make the feeling go away.

After talking to my dad, I walk back into the living room, where I find Derek on the couch with his head resting on his hands. I know the same thoughts I am having must be going through his mind, because he has spent every day with Isaac for the last month and I know they have gotten close. The pride in Derek’s voice when he talks about how far Isaac has come with controlling his wolf is precious.

“I talked to my dad and he agreed that Isaac should stay here tonight, so we can get started on the emancipation process in the morning when he gets back.”

“I already showed him the guest bedroom, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all…”

In the almost three months I have known Derek, I have never seen him this beaten down. Not even this damn disease that might actually kill him has got him looking this exhausted and defeated and I am not sure I like it, because I am scared it might be because he doesn’t value his own life.

“Do you think I failed him?”

“Do I think you failed Isaac?”

“Yes.”

“I think you have done everything you possibly can to help him.”

“But how could I possibly have _missed it_? I mean spread hours with him every day during training and I didn’t even notice bruising or _anything_ , so what does that say about me?”

“Derek, he is a skinwalker, bruising heals faster with him, besides training leaves bruising, so of course you wouldn’t be able to tell the bruises apart. As for you not noticing any signs, well, it is probably because he didn’t want you to. He has been hiding this for so long, which means he has gotten really good at hiding it. Besides, you can’t help somebody who doesn’t want your help, just look at me.”

It still makes me furious how quickly Isaac jumped to his father’s rescue, making excuses for him. I mean, the freaking bastard actually manipulated him into thinking it’s his own fault that he gets beaten bloody and locked in a freezer, so of course he isn’t going to want people to know. He already thinks that he is weak and wrong; he doesn’t want his friends thinking the same.

“You and Isaac, it’s not the same…”

“Derek, I wouldn’t be surprised if Isaac does develop PTSD or some sort of anxiety disorder because of this. His life has been freaking hell for a really long time and that is going to leave scars physically and mentally, no matter how much you want to prevent it.”

“How did you know something wasn’t right? I mean you got him to open up…”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I am not even sure if it’s something I said that made him open up or if it’s because he saw someone with a familiar story in me. I guess his story reminded me of everything that happened when my dad started drinking, how I would make excuses and hide it… he asked questions about my dad and he mentioned he didn’t get along with his… I don’t know.”

Sometimes things aren’t meant to make sense, I guess. This thing with Isaac definitely doesn’t, because he is the nicest kid and I can’t imagine anybody wanting to hurt him let alone his own father, so the man must be more screwed up than most.

Looking at Derek’s defeated expression, I almost can’t get the words out, but I know we need to talk about this or I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. It might be selfish, but with everything going on I am not sure I can afford not to be.

“I know this is awful timing, but we need to talk about the fact that you decided to keep it from me that you found a place to stay in town. Did you really think I would be fine with you hiding this from me? I mean, we are dating and I figured we actually tell each other these things.”

“I signed the lease a couple of days ago and I wanted it to be a surprise, but then everything happened…”

“And I understand that you want to take Isaac as far away from his father as physically possible, believe me, I feel the same way, but I don’t like that fact that you are offering Isaac to stay there before you have even mentioned the place to me.”

“Stiles…”

“I know it is special circumstances and I know I am being a childish, but… it still _hurts.”_

This whole discussion only makes Derek look like I am kicking him while he is down and I don’t want that, but it does hurt. It does make me feel guilty though, because we have only been dating for a little over a month, so how much say do I really have over who he offers to stay at his place? I know I would be furious if he told me I couldn’t ask someone to stay here, but if he had just mentioned the place.

“Look, I don’t want you to feel bad, but I need you to understand that it affects me when you do things like this. We probably should talk more about this, but I don’t exactly have a lot of confidence when it comes to you, because let’s be honest here you are far out of my league…”

“Stiles…”

“You are…”

“No! I need you to listen to me, because you are pretty much the center of my world right now and I don’t see that changing anytime in the future. I think you are beautiful, smart, loyal and funny; you protect the people you love fiercely and you have a huge heart. Then look at me, I mean, I just moved back to my home town and I don’t exactly have a lot of friends except a group of teenagers, who are only friends with me because I can teach them about skinwalkers…Then there is the fact that my entire family was brutally murdered and I haven’t been able to have functioning relationships since them, so honestly you are far out of _my league_ and not the other way around.”

“We really are a pair, aren’t we?”

It’s a wonder that we are still together at this point considering the enormous amount of baggage we both bring into this relationship, but strangely enough we don’t seem all that bothered with the other person’s baggage as much as focused on our own, so maybe that’s the key. Maybe we need to let our own baggage go for this relationship to actually work.

“I am sorry that I didn’t mention the apartment. I just … I really wanted to surprise you and make something nice out of it, inside of _this._ We need to communicate better, don’t we?”

“That would probably help. Look, we both knew going into this it wasn’t going to be easy with the age difference and all the other crap, but we aren’t making it easier for ourselves. So I think we need to talk about all the things that are bothering us instead of letting them fester.”

The thoughtfulness in Derek’s eyes tells me this conversation is far from over. Looking back, I probably should have talked to him more about everything that has happened with my PTSD, because sure we have mentioned it and talked about somethings, but I think Derek might be scared that asking questions is going to make it worse or make me panic. My diagnosis doesn’t only affect me, it affects everybody in my life and I think I am slowly accepting that even if it isn’t all that appealing.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why haven’t you wanted to go on a date? I figured with this being your first relationship that you would want to do all those things.”

Well, I can honestly say this wasn’t the direction I thought this was going. Who am I kidding, this is probably the last direction I thought this was heading, but he is not exactly wrong. A part of me has wanted to bring up all the things you usually do in a relationship, but I didn’t want to feel rejected when he told me it wasn’t really his thing, so I just didn’t ask.

“I guess that it just didn’t really seem like your thing…”

“Stiles, you aren’t really answering my question. Do you actually want to go on a date with me?”

“Of course, I want to, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? Of course, I want to go on a date with you, but I feel like maybe you would be a little embarrassed to be seen dating someone who isn’t even eighteen yet, because I am younger and I know I can be immature…”

“Stiles, I already told you this, but I am going to keep telling you until you actually understand it, but I think you are the most amazing person I know. Now, what kind of date did you have in mind?”

How the hell did this even become my life? What could I possibly have done to deserve this guy? We might fight and we might yell, but even then he seems to think that the sun shines out of my ass, which I am never going to understand considering how little he thinks of himself. He is as perfect as it gets to me.

“Scott and Allison invited us on a double date with them. I understand if you don’t want to go on a date with three teenagers…”

“I will go.”

“What?”

“I will go on the double date.”

“Are you serious?”

Then his expression becomes this amazing combination of fond and annoyed that always makes me want to kiss him. Usually, I just repress the urge, but I don’t care at the moment. It feels oddly calming and exhilarating to be kissing him, because it anchors me at the same time as it makes me feel alive. My blood is rushing through my veins and my heart is beating a little faster. Everywhere his hands graces my skin it feels alive and I feel like a completely different person when he holds me like this.

Things never really get heated, because Derek never lets it. At one point, he mentioned that he doesn’t have as much experience as I think he does, but he sure as hell knows what he is doing. Then again I am not sure I would feel the same way if it was anybody else, because it feels right in a way that I don’t think has anything to do with some prophecy, but I still can’t explain.

“I can’t really believe you said yes, but I am happy you did.”

The way Derek runs in hands through my hair and down my arms, it seems like he is reassuring himself that I am actually here in the same way I am desperately holding on to his hips. It feels so surreal in the moments where everything is good between us that it is actually happening.

“And you are sure you want to do this?”

“Stiles, I am sure. But I probably won’t make a great impression, because I am not really an outgoing person the same way I am when it’s just the two of us.”

“What makes you think you are outgoing when you are with me?”

The moments the words lave my lips, I know it probably should have stayed in my head as a part of my internal monologue. But then again I didn’t expect it to get a laugh out of Derek, so I am counting it as a win anyway. His laugh really is the best sound in the world.

 

* * *

 

On our way to Deaton’s office the next morning, Derek is looking at me like he wants to punch me in the face. I know he wouldn’t which is why I am currently laughing my ass off while trying to get him to admit that these social nights with the other skinwalkers are a great idea. But he isn’t completely ready to declare defeat and admit that my ideas are awesome just yet.

“Come on Derek, you have to admit that people had a great time last night before everything with the disease ruined the mood.”

“Fine! You were right, are you happy?”

“Yes, I am very happy.”

I kiss him on the cheek before looking out the window and noticing that we are only a few minutes away from the clinic. My nerves are making an entrance, because I am not entirely sure how people are going to react to my mother being there seeing as I haven’t told anybody that she is coming.

“You are right, you know.”

“I am right about what?”

“The social nights were a good idea, because I need to get to know them if I want to be a good influence on them. Just look at everything that I missed with Isaac…”

“Derek, you can’t put everything onto your own shoulders. You can support them, but you can’t make their choices for them.”

The constipated expression from this morning is back on Derek’s face. He looked the same way when my dad was explaining and helping Isaac get started on the emancipation process, because I don’t think he expected it to be that complicated. There are so many things Isaac needs to do before he is finally going to be free of his father and I am not sure how anybody would be able to do it on their own.

 

* * *

 

When the others arrive at Deaton’s, it is obvious they haven’t been able to forget what I told them last night and what they have probably heard a million times on the radio since then. Derek makes up an excuse for Isaac saying that he has some family stuff he needs to take care of, which is scarily true and at the same time vague enough that Isaac gets to decide when he wants to tell people his version of events.

But the atmosphere is tense to say the least in the small office, but when my mother opens that door and steps inside the tension levels explode. Everybody else is trying not to look at me, but failing miserable, because they expect me to launch into a screaming match. Looking back, I probably should have mentioned her making an appearance, because Derek looks seconds away from tackling her into the ground.

“Will everybody please calm down? I asked her to come.”

“You did what?! Why the hell would you ask her to come here?”

“Derek is right, Stiles. You have made it perfectly clear that you can’t stand the woman.”

It’s obvious that my mother isn’t happy about the information Scott throws in her face, but I can’t say I am not surprised that Derek has this reaction. He has always been the first person to tell me to kiss and make up with my mother, but I guess that doesn’t mean he isn’t protective of me.

“Stiles came to me last night and we have come to an agreement that I will help you find a cure for this disease that has been affecting the skinwalkers.”

“So you went to see her last night?”

“Derek, I am so sorry I lied, but I didn’t want to get everybody’s hopes up before I was sure I could even handle seeing _her_ on a regular basis. Besides my dad looked like he was about to cry when he saw us together last night and I am not sure the thought of us spending time regularly…”

“I will talk to your father, Stiles. He did make it clear last night that we have several things that we need to talk about, and I am guessing wanting to spend some time with my son is going to come as surprise.”

Despite wanting to punch her in the face, I manage to stay quiet. How can she say that?! She freaking left us and didn’t have any form of contact for years, so I am pretty sure my dad is going to be plenty surprised that she even wants to see any of us at this point. From the expression on Scott’s face he appears to be thinking the exact same thing.

Besides I am not sure anything coming from her period is going to be taken well by my dad, so I am not sure how much it is actually going to help. At this point, she is pretty much public enemy number one in his book and I am pretty sure he would lock her up somewhere far away never to be seen again.

“Now, back to the reason my son invited me here. Last night we stopped by the hospital to gather some samples from the patients…”

“You took actual samples from the skinwalkers?”

“Yes, why do you sound so surprised?”

“You do realize that is against the law, right?”

“Your name is Scott, right?”

“Yes, why…”

“Now, Scott, I can’t really ask them to run the tests I have been doing at the hospital. I am pretty sure I would end up at in the psychiatric ward if I tried.”

That seems to shut up Scott, even if I had the same concerns last night. But then again my concerns pretty much disappeared when she managed to make us invisible and took samples without actually breaking skin. It might take a while, but I can’t wait until I can control my spark.

“Now from the preliminary tests I have been able to run so far, this is something old and when I say _old_ I mean _almost a thousand years_. Besides that I haven’t been able to find out much and I won’t know more until the next set of tests are done in a couple of days…”

“So you pretty much haven’t found out anything new?”

“This isn’t an ordinary disease. It’s not a virus or parasite or bacteria like the doctors might think, even if they are probably thinking it’s a virus at this point.”

“Then what is it?”

“If you will just please shut up, I will get to it. This is something far more complex and basic than ordinary human diseases because skinwalkers are connected to the surroundings in different ways than human. Usually these connections protect them from ordinary human disease, but sometimes things happen that either destroy or manipulate the connections into causing disease.”

My mother and Scott have taken an instant dislike to each other from the looks of it. Deaton on the other hand looks like a child in a candy store, but I am guessing having another adult around who actually finds all of these things as fascinating as he does must be exciting. Then again I probably would be more excited if I actually understood any of what she just said.

“But where does that leave us?”

“Honestly, Chris, I have no idea at this point. I never expected to actually run into anything like this in my lifetime, so this isn’t exactly information I have brushed up on the last few decades. My focus has mainly been on staying alive no thanks to your family.”

From the way Chris talked about my mother, I expected them to be… _friendlier_ , than this. The air between them is edging on frigid and I am not sure I want to know the whole story between that tension. Sure, Gerard and Kate weren’t friendly people, but I have a feeling this might have more to do with something Chris didn’t do than with something he actually did.

“I don’t think we want to get into the discussion about family hurting family seeing as your son is the reason my father and sister died.”

“Chris, we all know Stiles couldn’t have done anything different if he wanted to keep the skinwalkers safe. What Gerard and Kate did was inexcusable.”

“Deaton…”

“No, we aren’t having this discussion, because you know it’s true when you aren’t being _unnecessarily provoked._ As long as we all work together, I want people to be amical. Fighting and yelling aren’t going to save any of these young people.”

This might be the first time I have ever thought ‘well done, Deaton’. He definitely wasn’t the person I expected to step up, but seeing as the other adults are fighting like teenagers and Ms. Davis doesn’t say anything unless it’s something slightly cryptic or a lecture.

A part of me doesn’t really know what to think of this collaboration, but another part of me is actually feeling a little hopeful standing among these people who all desperately want to make this better.

 

* * *

 

In the end, everybody has somewhere they need to be and Deaton actually needs to do his job, so it’s only Scott, Allison, Derek and me left. As usual, Scott and Allison are being their adorable self, which reminds me of the double date Derek agreed to last night.

I glance over at Derek, who has this fond expression on his face, so I am guessing he won’t murder me if I bring up the double date. Not that I actually think would murder me, but I don’t really feel like doing any more fighting for at least a couple of days. Considering our luck that is unlikely to ever happen, but I have the feeling that I will always want to be with him even through the hard times.

“So do you guys have any plans for tonight?”

“Well, we were actually going to go out for dinner…”

“What do you say to making that date a double?”

The instant joy in Scott’s expression is priceless even if Derek does look a little taken back by the news. Looking back, I probably should have thought about bringing it up with him before making a statement like that. Then again, he doesn’t look angry or annoyed, he just looks surprised, which I chose to take as a good sign at least until new information comes along.

“Are you serious? You two want to go on a double date with us?”

“Yeah, we talked about it and decided that we want to try out the whole dating thing.”

“This is going to be awesome! Dude, I always thought we would go out on the most amazing double dates when we got older, because we would all be friends!”

Well, that might be a little optimistic seeing as his girlfriend and my boyfriend are friendly, but I am not sure I would call them friends. I mean having her family brutally murder his entire family sort of puts a damper on things, but I don’t really have the heart to destroy Scott’s dreams. From the look of it neither Allison nor Derek appears in a hurry to do it either.

Thinking back, I think the only person who has ever been able to say no to Scott’s puppy eyes has been his mother, which is one of the reasons I think Ms. McCall might be one of the most awesome people out there. She is badass and everything she does she does for Scott. You got to admire that.

“Are you two sure you are fine with us crashing your date tonight?”

“Derek, seriously, we have been bugging Stiles about this for weeks…”

“As much as Scott loves to exaggerate, we have been trying to convince Stiles to go on the double date. Besides the one thing Scott and Stiles have in common is a complete lack of a filter, so if he didn’t want this you would be the first person to know.”

The hurt expression on Scott’s face quickly transforms into the realization that she is right. Then he gets this fond expression and I can’t help but thinking that it is quite adorable that Allison already knows Scott well enough to know this kind of things. They really are great together.

“So I guess we have a date tonight? Do you have reservation or something?”

“Nah, we figured we would just go to the diner, but if you guys want to do something a bit fancier, we can do that. Not that there is a lot of options in Beacon Hills.”

“Hey, Scott, you know me. As long as we are not doing to my grandparents’ place I am happy. I don’t think I could stand the excitement them knowing I am on my first date would bring along. I am honestly not even sure I can stand the excitement when I just _tell_ them that I have gone on my first date…”

This isn’t the first time Scott and I have had this discussion. Growing up my grandparents’ excitement concerning my firsts has become legendary, but I think it’s mainly because they feel like they have to compensate for the lack of parental influence on my life seeing as it has gotten worse the past few years since my mother left and my father checked out.

Looking over at Derek, I can’t wait to have my first date. The thought doesn’t even scare me as much as I thought it did, but maybe that’s just because it doesn’t feel like a first date. I mean we hang out almost every day and having Scott and Allison there makes it seem… safe _._

But still amazing.

Everything with Derek is amazing.

Well mostly.


	15. Night Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! I am terribly sorry that it has taken this long to update, but I have been crazy busy because I have started reading for my exams this semester while I am still going to my normal classes and reading for those... it's a lot of reading o.O but I am hoping the next couple of weeks are going to be better (fingers crossed)  
> Anyway, I hope you love this chapter, because a lot of things happen and everything is going to get more intense from here. I like the way the first date turned out (I hope you do too), but then there's DRAMA! I love drama. 
> 
> But please keep leaving comments and kudos, they make a slightly crazy person smile (me) xD  
> Tell me if i need to add any tags or warnings  
> Stay safe you lovely lovely people <3

Lately, I have realized that I have a tendency to late for most things. It’s not that I am lazy, but I can’t really stay focused for more than five minutes at a time to save my life and my ADHD doesn’t really help. All things considered, I probably shouldn’t have started researching top first date conversation topics, because I might have gotten overly engaged with the ridiculous topics that nobody would ever bring up to save their lives, so now I am twenty minutes late for meeting up with Derek.

My first date nerves aren’t really helping either, because I realized I have a lot of plaid and t-shirts, but not really anything date appropriate and running is not going to make me anymore attractive and let’s face it, I could probably use all the help I can get in the looks department.

Seeing Derek standing on the corner, I suddenly can’t breathe, because nobody is supposed to look that amazingly hot in jeans a Henley, because _damn_. Then I remember what I probably look like right now and I really want to run in the opposite direction, because Derek looking like a freaking Adonis do nothing positive for my very active nerves.

Then I realize Scott is going to murder me for being late to our double date, because he probably has this whole thing planned out in his head and us being late is probably not part of it. Argh! My entire body is vibrating with nervous energy and I have a feeling that is going to nothing positive for my brain to mouth filter meaning that it is probably going to be non-existent…

“Scott is going to murder me for being late.”

“Hello Stiles…”

“I am sorry… my nerves are getting to me…”

“Stiles, Scott and Allison won’t care that we are little late…”

“How can you be so calm?! I am freaking out right now and…”

“I am freaking out too, Stiles, but I know that Scott can’t be mad at you to save his life.”

It is so damn frustrating when he makes sense, but I know this is what I need right now. As much as the calm demeanor frustrates me, it’s probably the only thing keeping me from running away screaming, so all things considered it’s probably a really good thing that my date isn’t a terrified teenager too, because then we would probably be running away screaming together.

“Intellectually, I know you are right. Nevertheless, emotionally, I just want everything about this night to be perfect because this is our _first date_ … I just always thought it would be easy when I found somebody who would want to stick around for longer periods of time, but things haven’t been easy at all between us and I can’t help being terrified that you are going to realize I am too much work and lave…”

Suddenly, Derek pulls me around so we are facing each other before grabbing my hands and squeezing them. The warmth radiating from his eyes have become so familiar and like always, it calms me down before I even realize what is happening.

“Stiles, _I won’t leave_ and I am going to tell you that as many times as you need to hear before you believe it. This night is going to be perfect no matter what happens, because this is _us_ and as long as I am with you it’s already perfect.”

The soft kiss that comes next makes me feel like I am a part of one of those cheesy romance novels I have always made fun of, but I don’t want it to stop. It feels like he is desperately trying to pour all these emotions into this one kiss to show me that he isn’t going anywhere; he is in this for the long haul. He always does this; he always does the exact thing I need him to. He always grounds me and he makes me feel better about myself than anything or anybody else has for a very long time.

“Are you ready to go inside?”

For a second, I had completely forgotten about everything other than Derek and me and it actually takes me a couple of seconds to realize we are standing in front of the diner where we are meeting Scott and Allison. Glancing over a Derek, I can’t shake the feeling that everything is going to be all right as long as I have him next to me. 

“Thank you for being patient with me. I know I haven't been the easiest person to be around lately.”

“Stiles, it goes both ways, thank you for being patient with me too.”

Right before we walk inside he kisses my forehead and I can’t help smiling like a crazy person. It feels like life is finally giving back to me after everything we have been through over the past few months.

When I notice the crazy looking person, waving his arms around, it takes me a few seconds to realize that it is Scott trying to catch our attention. I look up at Derek who is looking back at me as if he doesn’t understand how the hell he said yes to a double date with my slightly crazy best friend.

“Are you starting to regret your decision to say yes?”

“It is going to take a lot more than your crazy best friend to scare me away, Stiles.”

“You look amazing by the way. I forgot to tell you before.”

Now, it is Derek’s turn to look flustered as we make our way to the table. He looks adorable and a little younger when his cheeks are flushed and his eyes shining. Now, all I can do is hope and pray that my best friend won’t scare Derek off with some ridiculous story of us growing up. It’s not like he needs to be reminded that I am still in high school.

“Hey guys, I am sorry we late…”

“Don’t worry about it, Stiles…”

“Scott’s right, you don’t have worry about, because we just arrived five minutes ago.”

“Allison! You promised you wouldn’t tell…!”

There is something so hilarious about Scott’s scandalized expression that I can’t help laughing and Derek chuckling beside me seems to agree. It does only take about three seconds before Scott is back to smiling like a lovesick idiot again. Looking at Scott and Allison, you really would think they belonged in a fairytale, if you didn’t know better.

“So are you going to tell us the story or are you going to keep us guessing?”

“You really are too curious for your own good, Stiles.”

“When I came to pick him up, Scott was running around the house like a headless chicken, because he had forgotten the clothes he wanted to wear hadn’t been cleaned. I have never seen him like that; he honestly had a meltdown over clothes and there might have been time spent in fetal position…”

“ALLISON!”

“Oh, Scott, I think your girlfriend and I are going to get along excellently.”

Considering, Scott has a tendency to be happily ignorant of most things happening around him, I am not surprised when he doesn’t notice the tense glances Allison and Derek throw in each other’s directions. This might have been the one thing where a meltdown would have been justified, but I never considered that going on a double date where everybody is either Hunters or skinwalkers would be a problem. It doesn’t help that Allison’s family is responsible for the massacre on Derek’s family… I probably should have considered this more a lot sooner…

I really wish I could remember some of all those topics I researched earlier…

“So how did you and Scott meet?”

“Scott hasn’t told you?”

“I don’t think I have asked, but I get the feeling that everything with the two of you has a story.”

“There is some disagreement surrounding the story, but in my version of events, Scott’s family moved here because his mother got the job at the hospital, and during Scott’s first day of pre-school he decided he wanted to play with the scrawny hyperactive kid because no one else wanted to. Since that day we have been best friends, but Scott...”

“…I don’t agree. During my first day, I remember meeting Stiles and I remember that he was the first person to smile at me. I can’t explain what it was, but I instantly knew we were meant to be brothers and best friends, so I think we were going to find each other on matter what.”

“But we have come to the agreement to disagree.”

When our parents asked how we meet, we actually got into a fight over it, but we have both stuck to our stories since then. Scott still has his romantic view on our friendship despite everything that has happened, while I have never thought it began over anything other than pity on Scott’s part.

“But haven’t you pretty much grown up together like brothers?”

Hearing Derek’s voice surprises me for a second, mostly because he hasn’t said anything yet. It is nice though, hearing him take part in a conversation with Scott that doesn’t revolve around skinwalkers and diseases, because sometimes it feels like all our lives have become.

“Brothers don’t choose each other the way we have, but we have pretty much done everything together since pre-school and up until a few years ago.”

“What happened?”

“Well, Allison, a lot of things happened, but I think the thing that changed our friendship the most was my mother leaving. I started pulling back from everybody, because I felt like I had to take care of my dad all the time. Then Scott hit puberty and became popular, while I still felt like the odd kid out around Scott’s other friends. Plus my awkward teenage years started, because my body couldn’t figure out what was happened, so I became the fun kid with the low self-esteem. It’s not that we did anything wrong as much as life happened and we needed to accept that we had changed.”

It feels strange to say it aloud. Especially, because Scott and I never really talked about what happened back then, but I have never really blamed him. I have resented him for making it easy for me to pull away, but I have never really blamed him, because I would have done it no matter what he did.

“But we have had a lot of fun and crazy times together.”

“No matter what Scott has told you, Allison, we really haven’t been as crazy as Scott makes us sound.”

“So you are telling me that the day in third grade when you decided that you were going to fly, because Superman can fly and so should you…”

“It’s _that_ bad…”

“Stiles, you climbed up on your roof and argued with your dad for two hours, before _jumping off the roof_ to prove that _you could fly_. You ended up having to go to the ER because you broke your arm. I can still hear you telling the nurse that you didn’t care about the broken arm, because you _did_ _fly_ for a second. You wore the freaking cast as symbol of honor for over a week longer than you should have, because you wouldn’t let your dad take it off.”

“Dude, I am so not the only kid who has done that and considering my spark there is a very real possibility that I did fly for second…”

“What about when we got older and you would sneak me out of the house, so we could go into the preserve at night, because you had some sort of idea that we were going to find something out there.”

“That was so my spark trying to connect with the area…!”

“That’s but, because going on treasure hunts and your magic has nothing to do with each other.”

At this point, Derek and Allison are just sitting next to us smiling widely and trying to hide to stop laughing and failing miserably. I can’t blame them, though, I would probably be laughing too after watching me and Scott bicker the way we do.

“It’s nice to see you this happy.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What Derek means is that it’s nice to see you and Stiles smiling. I don’t think I have seen you really smile since the disease hit town.”

“That’s Stiles for you; he has always been able to make me forget about all the bad things happening. He did the same thing when my dad left us when I was young. He would distract my mom and I whenever he could, telling ridiculous stories and making jokes. He would drive my mom crazy sometimes, but she still loves him like a son, because she knows it’s just him caring.”

At this point, I couldn’t be happier about the plates hitting the table. It doesn’t hurt that I realize how hungry I have gotten and this place makes the best curly fries in the world.

“Now, boys, it’s been a long time since I have seen you around.”

“Ms. Edwards!”

The old woman has been a familiar face for as long as I can remember and I have to hug tightly. My parents would always take me here when we would eat out and didn’t want to visit my grandparents and Scott’s mom would meet us here whenever she worked the night shift, so we could eat together before she had to go to work, so we have pretty much grown up in this place.

“I didn’t know you still worked here!”

“I own the place, kid. I have to make sure they are running it right. Now enjoy your food and come back more often, do you hear me?”

A small laugh comes out, before I turn my focus back on the food in front of me. It looks just as good as I remember, so I can’t help but dig in.

“You really shouldn’t swallow your food like that…”

“Shut up and eat Derek; I can’t have this food at home because my dad can’t have it, so I am sure as hell going to eat it the way I want to.”

“You really shouldn’t come between Stiles and curly fries, it isn’t pretty. My mom would bring us here whenever Stiles would come over, because she knows how much he loves it here, so Ms. Edwards and the rest of the staff knows us pretty well.”

Scott’s laugh ends abruptly and is replaced by a choking sound that makes my heart drop. His breathing returns to normal, but his eyes are filled with the same kind of panic running through my mind. Every worst-case scenario is running through my mind, but I know I need to do this the right way.

 “Scott, are you all right?”

“I feel strange… like I can’t breathe right…”

Without thinking much, I lean over the table to feel Scott’s temperature. He feels like he is burning up even when you take skinwalkers running hot into consideration. The panic is starting to fester in my mind and I can feel my hands start to shake and breathing quickening.

“You are running hotter than normal, dude…”

“Should we called Deaton or what are we supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, Allison, but I think it is better that we get Scott out of here. Derek, you should probably get out of here, I don’t want to risk you getting sick.”

“Stiles, it doesn’t work that way. From what your mother described…”

“Well, I am sure as hell not risking it. You mean too damn much to me and I can’t be worrying about both you and Scott right now.”

Hearing Allison scream my name makes my blood run cold. Allison and Scott had been trying to make it out the door, when Scott collapsed on the floor. Seeing my best friend unconscious with ragged breathing and knowing skinwalkers don’t get sick… this might the most scared I have been in my life.

In the middle of chaos, I don’t manage to think before I am running over to Scott making sure he is breathing, screaming that someone need to call 991. I barely register Derek telling me goodbye and saying that he is only a phone call away if I need him.

Right now, I wish I was selfish enough to tell him to stay, but I can’t risk it. I can’t risk having Derek be the next person I see collapsing, because I don’t think my heart could take it. During the entire time we wait for the ambulance, I want to crawl into foster position and cry my eyes out, because this wasn’t supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the perfect double date, the one Scott and I dreamed about as kids and instead I am waiting for the ambulance to pick up my best friend because he has the one disease that could actually kill him. It’s just not fair!

When the ambulance finally arrive, the paramedics work fast. In a matter of minutes, they are carrying Scott outside after checking pulse, breathing patterns and responsiveness. Then when they close the ambulance doors behind Scott, I can feel terror running through me, because what if Scott wakes up and none of us is there. What is he is alone surrounded by strangers? It’s so strange to be worried about it right now, but I need to be there with him.

“I need to ride with you…”

“I am sorry kid, but only family is allowed…”

“I don’t care! We might not be blood related but he is still my freaking brother!”

“I wish I could help you, kid, but I can’t. I am sorry.”

Frustrated can’t even describe how I am feeling. I want to punch something, but breaking my hand is not going to make anything better no matter how much better I would feel in the moment. I don’t even realize I am staring into thin air where the ambulance used to, before Allison grabs my arm and drags me to her car. We don’t really speak, but how much do you need to say, when somebody you love is being admitted to the hospital with something that might actually kill him.

Two minutes into the drive, I realize I need to call Ms. McCall and my dad. They need to know before they see him in the hospital, because I can’t even imagine being Ms. McCall and having your son come into the ER unconscious without knowing what happened.

“Stiles, I told you, you can’t call me when I am at work…”

“It’s about Scott, Ms. McCall. He collapsed a little while ago and he is on the way to the ER…”

“Oh my god….”

“They think it might be the disease… but they wouldn’t let me ride in the ambulance with him, so Allison is driving us there now…”

“Thank you for call, Stiles… I will see you at the hospital…”

It feels absurd dialing my dad’s number knowing what I am going to have to say. I have no idea how he is going to react, because this is the first person we know who has the thing. I mean you can’t even talk about catching it, because it doesn’t work like that, but… Scott is _sick_.

“Hi Stiles, I was actually about to call you…”

“Dad, I need you to listen to me, because Scott’s on his way to the hospital… he might have the disease and they wouldn’t let me ride in the ambulance with him, but me and Allison are on our way there now…”

“Turn the freaking car around right now, Stiles.”

“What?”

“I don’t want you anywhere near the hospital.”

“Dad, didn’t you hear me? Scott’s going to the hospital, I need…”

“All you need to do is go home, because I don’t want you to catch this thing, do you hear me?”

“I will see you at the hospital, because I am sure as hell not leaving my best friend alone right now.”

Hanging up on my dad before he has a chance to say anything probably isn’t the best idea, but I don’t want to fight with him over the phone. Mainly, I don’t want to scream at my dad that he is being an insensitive jerk, when I am not much better myself considering the fact that my dad doesn’t know that I can’t actually catch this thing. God! When did this become my life?!

 

* * *

 

Walking into the hospital, we find my dad waiting for us. I tell Allison to go find Ms. McCall before my dad drags me outside. I have never in my entire life seen him this pissed before. Sure, he gets annoyed with my hyperactive personality at times, but I have never seen him this… _angry_.

“Stiles, you need to go home…”

“Dad…”

“No, I am not letting you walk back through those doors.”

“I am not going to get sick from being there for Ms. McCall in the waiting room, because we both know she needs someone right now.”

“And I will go back in there and be that person for her, but you need to leave.”

“And then what happens when you get called out for work?”

“Stiles! Goddammit, you need to say safe!”

A part of me knew my dad wasn’t going to let me stay when we arrived, but I think the conscious part of me is only realize it now. I can’t make my dad understand any of what is going on unless he knows the truth, but knowing the truth… How the hell am I even going to make him believe the truth? But my dad isn’t going to let me stay unless he knows the truth and I need to stay, so there is only one thing I can do…

“Dad, I can’t catch the damn thing, so move the hell out of the way so I can go see my best friend!”

“Stiles, despite what you think, you aren’t invincible!”

“Dad…”

“No, Stiles…”

“No! I am sorry I have to tell you like this, but I am not going to catch this damn thing, because it doesn’t affect people like you and me…”

“What are you talking about?”

“This disease it only affects _skinwalkers_ …”

“Skinwalkers? What the hell did they serve you at that place?”

It is so damn frustrating that the truth is the one thing my dad won’t believe. I mean, he always tells me that I need to be honest with him and then he won’t believe me when I am. Sure, skinwalkers aren’t really the easiest thing to wrap your head around, but I wouldn’t lie to him about this!

“I am serious, dad. The supernatural, it is real and this disease it won’t affect me or you for the matter, because it only affects skinwalkers like Scott…and Derek…”

“Are you seriously trying to tell me that your best friend and your boyfriend are supernatural creatures?”

“Yes! I know it sounds crazy, but it makes sense! This is why it only affects those few teenagers, because they are skinwalkers! It wouldn’t really have been a probably until Gerard’s stunt with the symbols activated their skinwalker genes… It’s why mom left, because she knows about all of this and she wanted to protect us… I know I am asking a lot from you, but please believe me…”

In the end, the surprise somehow immobilizes my dad enough that I can walk past him without him intervening. It hurts having to do it like this, but I need to be here.

It doesn’t take me long to find Ms. McCall and Allison who both look exhausted and terrified. Everything is working on instinct, so I just hug Ms. McCall as tightly as I can when I come in arm’s length. Some of the tense drains out of her, but I have no idea how to act.

“What has happened?”

“We haven’t heard anything yet… but there are doctors in there working on him.”

“I am so sorry this is happening to Scott, Ms. McCall.”

Thank you, Stiles, but all we can do is have faith in the professionals that they know what they are doing and are going to find a cure, because I can’t handle the thought of Scott not being all right.”

It feels like a punch in gut knowing that what is standing between my best friend and death is the cure we have been trying to find for so long and haven’t really gotten any close to finding. When the doctor arrives seconds later, it distracts me from my thoughts for a few minutes.

“Melissa, we have managed to stabilize him, so he is fine for now and you can come see him, but you need to keep the stress to a minimum. He is still weak and he needs his strength right now.”

“Thank you… for helping my son.”

You can almost see the stress leaving Ms. McCall’s body as she hears the truth and I am feeling relieved myself, because we don’t know anything about this thing… Scott could have died and we wouldn’t have been able to really explain why, because all we know, are the few things, my mother has told us. It is just so damn frustrating not being able to do anything.

“I need to make a call, but you two should go in there.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I will see you in a few minutes, okay?”

Allison puts an arm around Ms. McCall’s shoulders as she guides her to the room and I can’t help thinking if it was Derek in there. I would probably be screaming at everybody to just fix it, because I can’t lose him. I can’t lose Scott and I feel like the only thing that is going to prevent that is a miracle, because how the hell am I supposed to fix this? I don’t even know where to start.

“Stiles, how is Scott?”

“The doctor just told us that they have stabilized him… they say he is fine for now…”

“I am sorry I can be there for you right now…”

“I know, Derek, but I don’t what I would do if I lost Scott… no matter what we have been through over the last few years he is always going to be my best friend…”

“Stiles, he is going to be all right; we are going to find a cure…”

“How can be so sure of that?”

“Because you are the most brilliant person I know.”

 

* * *

 

The hospital room looks like any other hospital room expect it’s Scott in the bed. I not really sure what I am supposed to do with myself and seeing Allison and Melissa next to the bed it feels like I am more in the way than anything else. Only then, Scott sees me and he reaches his hand out towards me.

Taking his hand and looking him in the eyes, it calms that part of me that didn’t really believe the doctor, because seeing Scott lying on that floor… it destroyed me.

“Now boys, I need to get back to work, but just tell the nurses if you need to get in contact with me, okay? And don’t do anything stupid like you usually do.”

“Hey! I resent that…”

“Yes, Scott is totally right, we only do something stupid half of the time.”

It manages to make Melissa smile and Scott actually lets out a little insulted huff that makes me feel like the king of the world for two seconds. Making them smile has been second nature for so long, I don’t even think about it anymore. It just sort of happens.

“Now, I do want to thank you and Allison for reacting as fast as you did… thank you for looking out for my boy, you two.”

“You know the deal, Ms. McCall. Brothers look out for each other.”

After his mother has left the room, Scott pulls slightly at my hand to get my attention. I might have zooned out for a second, but my mind just isn’t working right now.

“You shouldn’t be here, Stiles.”

“Scott, where would you be if it was me lying in that bed?”

“I would be sitting next you…”

“So will you please drop it? Why aren’t you more scared anyway?”

Somehow, that actually manages to make Scott look embarrassed, which I don’t understand at all. My surprise only makes the blush deeper, but Allison looks like she thinks he is just being adorable. Young people in love…

“Ever since I have been a kid I have always known and relied on the fact that you fix things. You might have been the one who got us into to trouble most of the time, but you have always gotten us out of it again. So I know you are going to fix this, Stiles. You are going to find a cure, because you are Stiles and that is what you do.”

“How can you have so much faith it me? Because, honestly? I feel like I am drowning most of the time.”

“You are the smartest person I know and don’t give me any shit. I know you are smarter than you pretend to be at school, because you don’t write an essay on male circumcision for econ unless you are you.”

“You are not wrong… you know that person standing between Lydia and valedictorian? That’s me…”

“I really do like my best friend in one piece and breathing, so you probably shouldn’t tell her…”

It feels good to joke about this with Scott; it reminds me off the way things used to be back when we practically lived in each other’s pockets. We knew everything about each other and I need to earn the trust Scott has placed in me; I need to make it true.

“But I need to get going. I should probably check up on my dad before going home, he wasn’t too pleased to have me show up at the hospital.”

“You can’t blame him…”

“Nah, but I will see you later.”

“I will follow you out, I need some coffee anyway.”

Allison kisses Scott, before we make our way out of the room. It’s strange to see the way her expression changes the second we are out of the room, because suddenly the worry is edged into her features. She has been keeping it together all this time for Scott and I am starting to realize how much she cares for him.

“You need to save him, Stiles, because I don’t know what I would do if I lost him. He is such a big part of my life and my heart… I know it sounds stupid when we haven’t known each other longer…”

“You don’t have to explain… I don’t know what I would do either, so I don’t really have much of a choice… I need to find a cure.”

 

* * *

 

At home, I can hear the screaming before I even reach the front door. Hearing my mother and my dad going at each other makes my heart drop, because I can’t help feeling that I have started something I shouldn’t have just left alone. All these secrets are hurting the people I love, but I can’t help feeling that the truth isn’t doing anybody any good either. 

After everything that has happened tonight, I don’t want to fight with them so I sneak upstairs without them noticing me. The situation makes me feel like a little kid again hearing his parents fight, so I sit down at the top of the stairs, so I can still hear every word they are saying. I can hear the pain and the frustration in their voices and it breaks my heart, because I know they loved each other so much.

“Claudia, I didn’t know if you were alive or dead! How the hell could you think leaving things like that would end well for any of us?”

“John, I was trying to protect both of you…”

“Yes, Stiles told me, but, honestly, how could you leave him? I can understand why you thought leaving me behind was a good idea, but _your own son_ , Claudia! Do you have any idea what that did to him?”

“I know I should have handled it better…”

“Handled it better? You didn’t handle it at all! We might have both hurt, Stiles, God knows I could have handled things better myself, but… _I stayed!_ ”

The desperation in my dad’s voice makes me want to crawl into fetal position and I can’t help feeling like I am intruding, but I can’t leave either. This could be my one chance to hear the honest truth from them and deep down I think I need to hear it as much as they do.

“John, you don’t understand the whole picture…”

“No, I don’t and you know why? Because you haven’t told me shit about your life! We were married for _fifteen years_ , Claudia, and we have been together for longer, so why didn’t you tell me about your life? Why didn’t you tell me about being a Hunter and the things you can do?”

“John, you have to believe me when I say that I love you more than anybody else, but knowing these things, it puts you in danger and I couldn’t stand the thought of not being able to protect you.”

“Then what about Stiles, Claudia? You must have known there was a possibility that he would have the same abilities you do, so why would you keep it from him? The thought of him having to deal with something like this on his own… how could you do that to him?”

The broken sound my mother lets out makes it hard to be angry with her. She sounds like her entire world is being torn apart and she can’t do anything to stop it. Then again, I can’t even imagine having all the people you wanted to protect tell you what you did only made it worse… Even if it is true my dad is being more than a little frank with her, but he is been carrying this anger around for years now.

“You have no idea how much I regret it, but I can’t change it. All I can do is try and make things right for all us somehow…”

“So that’s why you have come back? You want to be a family again or what the hell is it you are doing?”

Somehow, I can’t feeling that telling my dad might not have been the best decision I have made and I probably should have done it differently. Looking back, mentioning my mother’s part in all of it probably shouldn’t have been the first thing I told him.

The truth is going to drive an even bigger rift between my parents and I can’t help feeling that it is going to make things worse with me and my dad again too. At the time, I just couldn’t think about anything else than needing to be with Scott and Ms. McCall, but I should have been thinking about dad too. This really isn’t what I wanted, but I need to deal with it.

“Honestly, John, I don’t know what I want right now, but that answer depends just as much on what you and Stiles want from me, because I am not going to force myself on you.”

“I don’t even know how to answer that… but tell me one thing. How can you want Stiles to be involved with all this supernatural bullshit going on? Why didn’t you protect him from this?”

“John… these powers Stiles has, they aren’t going to go away and Beacon Hills have always been an epicenter for the supernatural…”

“Then why didn’t you take him with you? Why did you leave _your son_ in the one place where you knew he would have to deal with something like this?”

“Because taking Stiles out of Beacon Hills wouldn’t have changed anything and _I can’t change Stiles._ You need to realize that he is just as supernatural as any of the skinwalkers he is friends with… you need to accept Stiles for who he is, because from what I have seen he is pretty damn great.”

“You don’t think I know that? You need to shut the hell up about accepting our son, because I have always been proud of Stiles and his choice no matter if I agree or not, because Stiles stands up for his friends and wat he believes in… he is one of the best people I know.”

“Then you know Stiles isn’t going to let this go, because Scott is involved and helping is the right thing to do. Hell, he might be the only person who help… he can do wonderful things, John. He has so much potential and he hasn’t even realized it yet.”

I can’t hear what happens next, but a little later I can hear the door closing behind my mother. Hearing my parents say those things made me feel happy in a strange way, but at the same time, I am not really sure what I am supposed to do about it, because how do you react to something like that?

How do you react to something you weren’t even supposed to hear? I mean I wasn’t even sure my mother liked me before this and now I hear singing my praises… it just makes me doubt everything I thought about her and I can’t help wishes that maybe she wasn’t the stranger that she is and at the same time I don’t want anything to do with her. I really don’t know how to feel.

“How much of that did you hear?”

It startles to hear my dad’s voice and looking up I didn’t expect to see him standing at the bottom of the stairs. I have never seen him look this small before and I really want to make it stop. I really want my confident and happy dad back, but I am sure that is going to happen for a while.

Walking down those stairs have never felt harder than it does now. They have never felt this long either, but when I finally stand next to my dad, I sort of expect to be told off.

“I heard the end of it…”

“I am so sorry you had to witness that…”

“It is fine, dad…”

“No, it’s not. I didn’t want to believe what you were saying at the hospital, but your mother confirmed everything… so as much as I don’t want to I know I need to believe it. I don’t understand any of it, but I believe you.”

“How much did Claudia explain about skinwalkers and hunters?”

“Not really much, we started fighting pretty much after she confirmed what you told me.”

With everything that has happened, it hard to know where to start. It makes me realize how much I have actually learned about skinwalkers and myself since all of this started and I don’t know how much to tell. I don’t exactly want this conversation to end with my dad running away scared.

“The world isn’t as simple as people like to think, because there is a spirit world and some people are more connected to it than others. Those people have a special connection to one particular spirit animal and can transform into it; they are skinwalkers. The spirit animals can be anything from a bird to a lion, but some spirit animals are harder to control. Many people have the potential to become a skinwalker, but not all of them do, it’s kind of complicated, but knowing you have the potential pretty much guarantees you becoming a skinwalker. Not everybody knows they are a skinwalker and if they have a spirit animal that’s hard to control, they can do a lot of damage. Which was why the Hunters started to try and control them, but some of them have this twisted idea that they need to kill all skinwalkers because they are evil, but they really aren’t. I mean they are just people like the rest of us, so of course there are going to be occasional psychopath, but that’s because they are people and not because they are skinwalkers, so…”

“Stiles, you’re rambling again…”

“Sorry, but anyway, Hunters are supposed to keep skinwalkers a secret. Now the symbols from a couple of months back they were supposed to make Gerard Argent able to control all the unknowing skinwalkers in town, which is how Scott got involved. You should probably know that the Argents are an old family of Hunters who have a rather extreme attitude towards skinwalkers. Something else you need to know about the Argents is that Gerard and Kate were behind the Hale Massacre all those years back, which I also figured out during the whole symbol investigation thing because Kate thought it was a good idea to leave their family symbol behind; you can actually still see, but I am starting to rambling again, aren’t I?”

“A little, kid.”

“Right, now back to Scott, I started investigating what was happening because Scott started having blackouts. He was scared he was hurting people, but he didn’t; he might have killed some innocent forest creatures, though, but anyway, Derek started helping Scott figure out the whole I am a skinwalker thing, which is how we started working together and the whole falling in love with my boyfriend thing happened. The night of the party, I realized where they were going to draw the final symbol that would give them control of the skinwalkers and they actually managed to finish the symbol and control all the unknowing skinwalkers…

 I am not really sure how I am supposed to tell the next part, but I guess the best thing is to just tell it. Gerard’s plan was to expose the skinwalkers to the world and force a confrontation, where he hoped we would eradicate all skinwalkers out of fear… Claudia had left a family book with Deaton, where some of the basic where explain, so you should know she didn’t completely leave me in the dark, she did try, but in the book there was a paragraph about breaking spells… When Gerard had his gun pointed at me after shooting me in the leg… the spell I did, it made the spell Gerard and Kate did backfire on themselves… it killed them, dad… I killed them…”

The next thing I know my dad is holding me in his arms like he used to when I was a kid. I honestly feel little like a five year old who just told his dad he did something bad and even if I have accepted that I didn’t murder Gerard and Kate, something I did resulted in their deaths, so I am always going to feel responsible.

“Stiles, I know you well enough to know you never intended to kill them, but _they were trying to kill you_. Everything you did, you did to protect yourself and your friends and I am proud that I raised a son that stands up for people who can’t stand up for themselves.”

“I know, dad. I know, I just need to finish telling this… The disease… it is not a disease like influenza or a cold; it’s a shift in the energy balance in town. It is not easy to understand or explain, but skinwalkers are connected to the world differently, which means that if something changes the balance it affects them. That is why they are the only ones getting sick and the doctors can’t figure out how it’s transmitted… it’s why the disease won’t affect you or me or any of the hospital personnel unless they are skinwalkers…”

“It does explain a lot of what has been happening lately, but I don’t understand why you have to be so involved. I know your friends are affected, but you shouldn’t have to save the world, Stiles.”

“But that’s what being an Aleksy means… I am protecting them, dad. I am doing the same thing you are, but I just can’t tell the world I am doing it. Besides I have got this magic thing…”

“Yeah, I am not sure I understand that…”

“They keep saying it’s not like Harry Potter, but it totally is only without the wands… and the spells are a bit longer… But I have people helping me, dad. Deaton, Chris and Ms. Davis, they are all helping me and making sure that I can protect myself…”

“So this means that you are going to be in danger? Does it have anything to do with Derek?”

“Derek is a skinwalker like I mentioned, his entire family was skinwalkers, which is why the Argents killed them – just to make that clear – and it is one of the reasons why we started hanging out in the beginning, because we were trying to solve the whole symbol skinwalker mystery thing, but he doesn’t put me in danger, dad. If anything he protects me; he actually saved my life when all of it started…”

“I guess I should thank him for that…”

The hesitation in my dad’s voice is hilarious. I know he doesn’t like the thought of my boyfriend being some strangely mysterious person who can transform into an animal, but I am not really sure he likes that my boyfriend might be better at protecting me that him. He is my dad, so I guess he thinks he is supposed to protect me from all the evils in the world. He just can’t.

“My friends aren’t putting me in danger, dad. Being who I am puts me in danger, so I need to train to make sure I stand a fighting chance against whatever is going to come after me.”

“I really don’t want to see you hurt, kid, and I am not going to pretend I am crazy about the situation, but I understand that I can’t control it… I can’t believe you have dealt with all of this on your own.”

“I won’t lie to you and tell you it’s been easy, I mean I have PTSD, but it just feels like something I need to do. I am glad you know now, though.”

“And I am glad you trust me enough to tell me, even if it must have been scary to explain any of this to someone else. You really are something special, kid.”

Looking at my dad, it feels like I can conquer anything, but it’s still strange how much the night changes in a matter of hours. Now I just need to find that damn cure, because I am not losing my best friend.


	16. Frustrations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again I am so sorry for posting late. I am really hoping that the next semester won't be as packed as this one, because i am starting to feel like my head is going to explode. My exams are coming closer so i might not be able to post much before after January 4th, but I am planning on having all the last chapters up by the end of January at the latest :)  
> I have started working on a third installment, but I don't know when i will start posting that, because i want to be able to post somewhat regularly when i do that (there will be a little cliffhanger in the epilogue for this one for the next ;) ) 
> 
> But I hope you like this chapter, it is about the frustrations Stiles and his friends are going through with Scott in the hospital and some Jackson/Stiles because Stiles needs distractions :)  
> Please keep leaving kudos and comments, they really do motivate me like crazy <3  
> Tell me if I need to add tags or warnings, stay safe you beautiful lovely people

The next morning, it doesn’t really feel real. It feels so absurd to think about the fact that my best friend is in the hospital with a disease that might very well kill him if I don’t manage another miracle. Only, I am starting to doubt my miracle making abilities, because… what if all those other times were just flukes? What if I can’t save my best friend?

Watching people arrive, it becomes clear that a part of them is waiting for someone to tell them that it is some sick joke, that Scott is just late and not actually in the intensive care unit at the hospital. I can’t blame them though, because a small part of me is hoping for the same.

Allison is the last person to arrive and she looks like she is on the verge of having a breakdown. Thinking about Derek, I can maybe feel a glimpse of the fear and pain she must be going through watching the person she loves hospitalized without knowing if he is walking out alive again. 

“During the date… he didn’t look sick; I mean… he is Scott. He was so excited and then just… he suddenly didn’t feel well…”

The tears are streaming down her face as she tries to get the words out. My heart is breaking for her and I can’t help the feeling that I am going to let everybody down. I can’t help feeling that I won’t be able to do what the all expect of me and that means I am going to lose my best friend and maybe even my boyfriend if this disease keeps infecting skinwalkers.

“Allison, do you want me to tell them? I don’t mind…”

She only manages to nod before the tears take over completely. Chris is standing next to his daughter and I don’t think he truly understood how his daughter feels about Scott until today. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that this might actually mean that Chris will accept their relationship. He is sure as hell not going to like it anytime soon, but he isn’t going to stop them either.

 “During dinner, Scott started feeling sick all of a sudden and before we knew what was happening he collapsed on the floor. We all panicked, but we managed to call 991 and… the ambulance took Scott to the hospital. When we finally got to the hospital, we found out they had stabilized his breathing and… he seems all right, I guess, but I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since last night, but since pain-medication doesn’t really work on him because of the whole skinwalker thing… he has to be in a lot more pain than he wants to admit to any of us. It doesn’t really help that the doctors are scared out of their minds and don’t seem to know what the hell they are doing… we need to fix this, guys.”

“But where are we with finding a cure?”

It literally kills me to have to them this, but I think a part of them already knows. They already knows that things aren’t looking that great right now.

“We haven’t gotten any further since the last meeting. We are waiting for the test results, because what we _can do_ depends on those results.”

“But once we get the results, we will find a cure, right? That’s all we waiting for…”

“Isaac, I really don’t know. I haven’t been doing this for that long and none of us really has any kind of experience with this type of thing.”

“So what you are saying is that we are screwed and we might be a little more or a little less screwed depending on the results?”

“Look, we can’t give up… Scott believes…”

“Scott might die!”

Allison’s outburst shocks everybody. Hearing someone say those words said aloud shocks us more than the meaning of them. We all know that this thing kills, but hearing those words, it makes me want to scream at the world for being unfair.

Deep down, all this tension is because we don’t want to lose Scott. We are all worried about him, because in way he is the reason we are all here. If Scott hadn’t become a skinwalker I probably wouldn’t have gotten involved… okay, maybe I would have, but I am not sure I would have gotten anywhere. I doubt I would be dating Derek if Scott wasn’t skinwalker, and all the skinwalkers… they have been practicing together for weeks now and they care about each other.

Suddenly, the doors open and Claudia steps through. She doesn’t look like she has been sleeping much, but the look in her eyes makes me want to crawl into fetal position.

“I just finished running the tests and it is I feared. The disease originates from a disruption in the fundamental energy balance in the area, and because the energies are so strong in Beacon Hills, it is doing a lot of damage. A lot more damage than it would have done if it had been anywhere else.”

“But what does that mean for us? Does the test say anything about what is causing this?”

“I am sorry, Chris, but I can’t pinpoint where the disruption is happening or what is causing it, but this is the reason why the disease is only affecting skinwalkers, because they are tied to the energies in a different way than everybody else… it is what makes them skinwalkers, basically.”

Hearing my mother’s words, I can feel the frustration boiling inside of me. I think a part of me really hoped that these would be the answers we have been looking for, but instead, it just feels like we have had yet another setback and we can’t do anything. I mean, what do we do next? 

 “So what you are saying is that this doesn’t help us at all? We can’t fix it?”

“Stiles, it isn’t that easy! I can’t wave a wand and make everything better…”

“My best friend is in the hospital dying because of this thing and everything you have just told us is freaking useless! Everything _we_ are doing is freaking _useless_ and you expect me to sit around and take it like a good little boy? Hell no!”

“It isn’t useless…”

“No, I don’t want to hear it…”

“We are you going? Stiles!”

“I have to leave…”

Those words have a profound effect on my mother’s expression. She goes from frustrated to furious in two seconds flat and I already know this is going to end with us yelling at each other. I have seen it happen too often between her and my dad growing up – only, I don’t have to put up with her.

“You can’t walk out on me every time something doesn’t go your way, Stiles!”

“I can’t believe you! I am _not_ walking out on you, because you know what, not everything in my life revolves around you! I am leaving because I have a session with the freaking psychologist I am seeing because I am suffering from _PTSD_ after ‘accidentally’ killing Gerard and Kate Argent when I broke the symbol using blood magic! Plus, it is not like I can see a normal one, because I have freaking magical abilities that would get me admitted to psych ward if any normal person found out about. I have a lot of issues, _Claudia_ , but as long as you stay the hell away from me when you aren’t needed you won’t be one.”

The entire room goes silent and I feel bad that the others had to find out about my diagnosis this way, but I don’t regret saying it. I am not going to keep it a secret like it is something I should be ashamed of, I might hate the diagnosis and the reason for it, but I know now that it doesn’t make me any less of a person.

“I wish you would have told me…”

“Why would I do that? Why would I willing tell you _anything_ about my life when you willing walked out of it years ago?”

“Because there are things about our family that nobody else knows. Your Aleksy heritage is one of the contributing factors in your PTSD, Stiles. Everything that makes you a sublime hunter, makes you susceptible to PTSD at the same time, because as a hunter you have to stay alert and prepared for danger at all times. Your body doesn’t understand that you aren’t in danger anymore…”

“And how does that help me?”

“Your therapist might want to know; it might help her understand what is happening with you and why you might not react the way most would. It could help you…”

“Somehow I find it very hard to believe that you can be any kind of help…”

 

* * *

 

After the clinic is miles behind me, the guilt sets in. I never meant to be that horrible to my mother. I mean I am not exactly crazy about the woman, but she doesn’t deserve the way I treated her. No one deserves to be treated like this, but I am not sure how to apologize.

It is not that I was lying when I told them I have an appointment with Ms. Morrell, but it isn’t one of my usual sessions, even if I could probably need one right now. No, I just have to give her some papers before I head to the library to meet up with someone else.

I didn’t exactly plan on keeping my meeting with Jackson a secret, but I just figured he wouldn’t be crazy about people asking questions about why. I mean, he has barely acknowledged his own need to find his birthparents and his need to understand the reasoning behind his adoption, so I doubt he is ready for anybody else to find out.

When he walks through the library doors, he looks ready to bolt any second and I am not sure making my presence known is going to make him bolt any less. Eventually, he does notice me and when he makes his way towards me, he resembles a scared animal in a strange way.

“You are already here.”

“Yeah, I have been here for about ten minutes. Are you ready to get started?”

“No, but I need to do this… I need to…”

There is a stubbornness in Jackson’s expression that I haven’t seen before. I am not really sure how to describe it, but I think Jackson has grown up more the past couple of weeks than he has in the past four years of high school.  He seems more settled and more conflicted at the same time, but I have a feeling that he is going to come out on the other side of this somebody I could be really good friends with.

“Why don’t we start with the basics? How much have you been able to find out?”

“I have found some of the things you asked for…”

“Some of it?”

Jackson pulls out a blue folder with different kind of information about his adoption, but I notice that his birth certificate isn’t there and the biological parents’ names aren’t listed on the adoption papers that he has found. There isn’t exactly a lot to go on, but I am not sure I understand why he hasn’t found more. 

“Jackson, why isn’t your birth certificate here? I mean, it can’t be that hard to get a hold of…”

“I can’t get it…”

“The names of your biological parents might be on there…”

“I know! Okay, I know… but I don’t want my adoptive parents to find out I am doing this and I can get my birth certificate without telling them…”

“I am not sure I understand…”

This might be the first time I am seeing actual emotions from Jackson. He honestly looks like he is ready to start crying and I think I am beginning to understand how torn up about this he actually is. There is clearly something about the whole thing that has him holding back, for some reason.

“I need to know where I come from, because I never really felt like I fit in around here. I know it sounds contradictive when I am popular and successful, but… I have always felt like I had to prove that my parents were right in picking me; that I am worth all the trouble, but now there is the whole skinwalker aspect that complicates things even more. I guess I just don’t want my adoptive parents to think they mean less to me just because I need to find out where I come from…”

In a strange way, it makes sense. I mean, I never thought I would physically experience Jackson Whitmore considering other people’s feelings, but I am starting to like this new version of him.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why didn’t you ask Danny for help? He is a lot better with computers than I am and he is your best friend…”

“I don’t want him to know. I am scared… well, terrified really, that he is going to think of me differently if he does and it is not like I can really tell him about the skinwalker thing.”

“Honestly, whether you want to tell Danny about skinwalkers is your own choice, because it might trigger the whole transformation process in Danny, but I don’t think Danny would have a problem with the biological parents or the skinwalker aspect of this thing. I mean Lydia has already started asking questions about what is going on so it is only a matter of time before Danny starts asking too and you need to figure out what you are going to tell him when he does.”

“Believe me, I know, but I am not ready yet.”

“You do realize that Danny loves you enough to accept you no matter what, right?”

“Not everybody’s best friend is Stiles Stilinski who just jumps on the bandwagon and goes along with it without asking questions.”

“Well, it would be scary if everybody had a Stiles; too much awesome would just ruin it, dude.”

The displeased expression on Jackson’s face tells me that I better start talking less and working more if I want our newfound companionship to last the day. So, I start working my magic to see if there is anything adoptions happening around the dates we have been able to find in the papers Jackson brought.

After fifteen minutes, it becomes clear that we aren’t going to be able to find anything this way, which doesn’t exactly surprise me. It is not like I expected Mr. and Mrs. Whitmore to advertise the adoption in the local paper or something, but I just hoped there would have been something to go on.

“This isn’t going to give us anything. We need to look at this differently, so I am suggesting that we start piecing a timeline together, because it might help us narrow down the time interval we need to investigate. Now we need to find all the dates that might be relevant and see if that can get us somewhere.”

“What dates do we need?”

“Your birthday, the date you were adopted, how long before you were handed over to social services before you were adopted, that kind of thing. So why don’t we start with your birthday, that has to be the oldest date on the timeline.”

The process isn’t easy, but we do manage to narrow things down. When you consider Jackson’s birthday and the date of the adoption and how fast the adoption happened, Jackson can’t have been very old when it happened, but he can’t have been given up for adoption at birth either, because the records only start when he is a few weeks old. Jackson even remembers that his parents mentioned the name of the orphanage at one point and it turns out it isn’t that far from Beacon Hills, which means we can limit our search geographically to Beacon Hills and the surrounding counties. 

After this, I start searching for anything that could be relevant for an adoption of a baby boy in the area in our timeframe. At first, it doesn’t really give us anything we can use, because most of the adoption stories doesn’t fit our timeline concerning age or sex or something.   

It is clearly bothering Jackson that we aren’t getting anywhere, but then suddenly an article catches my attention. The article is about a young couple who were killed in a car crash on their way home from the hospital with their newborn baby boy, who survived the crash.

I can feel my heartbeat picking up when the little boy’s birthday matches Jackson’s. Something tells me this is what we have been looking for so I start hacking into the police’s databases that I know will be able to confirm my suspicion. It doesn’t take Jackson long to realize that I might have found something because I can feel his body tensing up next to me. Then again, it could also be that I am hacking into police and social services’ databases, which happens to be illegal, but I am a firm believer in the first option.

“You’re hacking into police services…”

“I know…”

“You do realize Danny would fall in love with your skills if he ever found out, right?”

“Well, then it is great that Danny won’t ever find out, because I have more than enough in my boyfriend, you know Derek Hale.”

It takes me a while, but I finally find the papers for the little boy in the crash and I don’t know what to do. The papers from social services indicate that the little boy was adopted on the exact same day Jackson was and when I compare the case numbers, they match. The little boy is Jackson.

“Jackson, the boy is you…”

“What?”

“The case files, the numbers they match. This is your adoption file.”

“Are you sure? It couldn’t be a coincidence or…”

“The birthday and adoption day match too, Jackson… This little boy is you.”

The surprise is evident on Jackson’s face and I don’t really blame him. He probably didn’t expect us to actually find anything today, it was a long shot to begin with, but we actually did it.

“I don’t think I understand…”

Even just thinking about what Jackson must be going through makes my head spin, so I start searching police files for the accident report. I think the only thing that is going to make him believe me is some sort of proof and a rapport from social services isn’t going to do the trick.

The accident report isn’t that hard to find, since Beacon Hills Sheriff’s Department handled the case and my dad still hasn’t come around to changing his password again after the last time we went snooping. Only I can’t help feeling I am invading something personal when I start reading it, but I know Jackson wouldn’t be able to do it himself right now and he needs proof.

“The police reports says that the young boy was adopted by a local couple in Beacon Hills… Jackson, you are the only adoption case in Beacon Hills that fits, these is your parents.”

“They died in crash?”

“Yes, the report says they were killed instantly on impact, but… the way their bodies were found, Jackson, they were trying to protect you.”

“What?”

“The report says that the only way they would have obtained the injuries they did was if they were trying to protect the baby when the impact happened… they were protecting you when the car crashed; you must have been the most important thing in the world to them.”

I don’t notice it at first, because I am too dumbstruck from what I have just read to really comprehend anything around me, but eventually I notice Jackson silently crying next to me. Nobody can really understand something like this unless it is happening to themselves. Just the thought of finding out something this life changing makes me dizzy, but in a way I think this might be the thing that will let him accept himself and maybe even make him realize that there is nothing wrong with him.

“They loved me…?”

It probably wasn’t supposed to come out as a question, but the overwhelming sense of relief is so evident, I don’t think he has really understood that his parents didn’t leave him because he is defect; they gave up their lives trying to protect him.

“There is nothing wrong with you, Jackson. Your parents, they didn’t leave because they didn’t love you… they left because you are important enough to them to give up their lives for.”

We just sit there for a while, but I think the world is going to realize that Jackson Whitmore is a lot more than just a pretty face with a talent for lacrosse. He might be one of the strongest people I know.


	17. The Weight of Responsibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone (it's a couple days late, but anyway)! I hope you are enjoying time with your families and friends, but here is the next chapter. I am sorry that it took so long again, but I am having a slight meltdown over my last exam this term - TOO MUCH INFORMATION -.-  
> Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, because things are going to start speeding up towards the big conclusion in a couple of chapters, because there are only two chapters and the epilogue left (I still can't believe it). I can't believe it that the Questions series has over 10k hits and over 150kudos, it's my first fic and I started posting it almost a year ago (January 4th) - it's crazy!  
> But please leave kudos and comments, they make me a happy person :)  
> Tell me if I need to add any tags or warnings  
> Stay safe you lovely people <3

It is no secret that my life is a mess right now. I mean I am sitting on a couch in my therapist's offices, so if that doesn’t scream baggage I am not sure what does. It is strange though, that it feels like I am here for the first time, because I haven’t really _looked_ before.

Up until 30 seconds ago, I would have sworn that the walls in here were soft yellow, but they are _blue_. How do you miss that? Sure, it might not be the something you remember the first time, but I have been here several times a week for _over a month_ , so how am I only noticing this now?

Sure, I might be able to look past it, if I had actually noticed the gigantic bookshelf behind me at some point during this time and with the thick layer of dust covering the books it is not like I can say it has to be new. What the hell have I even been doing in here?

I can’t help feeling that I am overlooking a lot of things lately. Well, maybe it more that I feel like I should have solved this already, because the answer is staring me in the face, but I have absolutely no idea what my instincts are trying to tell me with that, because what I am supposed to know? At this point, I have lost count of the number of books I have read and I have gotten _nowhere!_

It is so damn _frustrating_ that I can’t fix this thing; that I can’t fix my own freaking life! And it’s not just one thing, I mean, I could live with it if it was just one thing, but it is freaking everything in my life that is fucked up and I don’t know how to fix any of it! I want to fix it so badly; I want to fix Scott, I want to fix whatever it is Derek is worried about that he won’t talk about, I want to fix my parents relationship and I want to fix my own PTSD, but _I can’t!_

When the door opens and Ms. Morrell opens it, the only thing going through my mind is when did that door become _white_? I am seriously starting to worry about my memory, because how did I not notice that?

“I am really sorry, but I had to take that call.”

It doesn’t even register with me to answer, because my mind is still focused on how the door has suddenly become white without me noticing it. When I finally look over at her, the expression on her face tells me that she knows exactly how screwed up I am.

“What’s on your mind Stiles?”

“I am not getting out of this one, am I?”

“No, I am afraid not.”

“God, okay… Scott getting sick has fucked with my head; he is my best friend and everybody is counting on me to fix this. Honestly, _I_ am counting on me to fix this, but we are getting _nowhere_ because we don’t really know where to start and… My entire life is a mess right now… and I don’t know what to do!”

“When you stay your life is a mess, what do you mean?”

“My best friend is in the hospital, my boyfriend won’t talk about whatever is worrying him, my parents won’t stop fighting and I have PTSD, have part of my life isn’t a mess?”

“And how does that make you feel?”

“It makes me feel like… _I am not enough_. I feel like I should be better, because everybody expects me to be better and… I don’t want to let them down.”

“Now, I don’t want you to misunderstand me when I say this, but can you fix any of those things?”

“No, but that’s the problem!”

“Stiles, you need to realize what you can change and what you can't, because as great as you are _you can’t fix the world._ Especially not if the world doesn’t want to be fixed.”

What she is saying makes sense, but it is easier said than done. Pretty much all my life, I have had to take care of everything and I have done it. I have managed to raise myself since my mother left and my dad became an absentee parent. I managed to figure out the symbol thing and I managed to figure out the magic thing, well mostly. So a part of me doesn’t understand why I can’t figure this out too, why I can’t fix it.

“I know control is a major issue for you, Stiles, but if you want to have control over your own life, you need to realize that there are things you can’t as contradictive as that sounds. You need to realize that even great people fail, but the greatest people are the ones who get back up afterwards.”

“I _know…_ I know…”

“Why don’t we talk about something else for a while? When you came you said you had something you wanted to talk about?”

“Yes, my mother told me something about my Aleksy heritage that might affect my diagnosis.”

“Really?”

“Yes, it might even contribute to it. Apparently, being an Aleksy I have a heightened sense of awareness and danger, because as a hunter you have to stay alert and prepared for danger at all times, so my body doesn’t understand that I am not in danger anymore.” 

“Your mother is right, did you just find out?”

Instinctually, I know that lying to Ms. Morrell is useless, because she knows _every time_ I do it. The conscious part of me knows that she is going to question why I didn’t tell her sooner, because it has been days and this is relevant information that I should have shared with her as soon as I found out.

“She told me… a couple of days ago?”

“Stiles, why didn’t you tell me when you found out? You stopped by my office that day…”

“My relationship with my mother is … _complicated_. Most days, I don’t want anything to do with my mother and then there are the days were I feel like I might be one of the few people who understands where he is coming from and it _confuses_ me.”

“What do you want from your relationship with your mother, Stiles?”

“I _don’t know_ what I want, I just know that I am not ready for her to be my mother again and she thinks she never stopped… I know I need her, because she understands parts of me that no one else does, but she hurt me when she left and I can’t forgive her for that right now.”

Everything about my mother makes my head spin. It confuses the hell out of me; I can’t stand it when my parents fight and a small part of me wants them to forgive each other, because it would make things easier on both of them. Only, a bigger part of me wants her the hell out of my life, because I am terrified she is going to leave us broken again if we let her in, but this time we might not be able to put it back together.

“Stiles, I am saying this in the best meaning, but you need to talk to her, because being in this limbo isn’t fair on either of you.”

It is true; I just don’t know what to do about it.

 

 

The thoughts going through my mind makes it impossible to focus, which is why I have no idea how I got from Ms. Morrell’s office to Deaton’s when I am parking the jeep. I probably shouldn’t be driving at this point, but I am not sure walking would be any safer either.

In the end, I probably should have just called Chris and told him I couldn’t make it to practice today because of personal problems, but it wouldn’t feel right. Only. Walking into the office and seeing Chris, Deaton, Ms. Davis and Claudia discussing whatever it is they are discussing doesn’t make me feel any better. It honestly makes me want to run away and pretend I never showed up, but when Ms. Davis notices me, I know I passed my chance.

“Chris, we can’t do anything until we know which balance point is affected…”

“But you keep saying we can’t possibly know which balance point is affected…”

“We don’t!”

“Then what the hell are we supposed to do, Deaton!”

“And you are sure nothing has happened lately that could cause this kind of change in the balance?”

“Why don’t we pause this discussion, Genim has arrived.”

I am not sure how I am supposed to feel about the surprised look on their faces, mainly because I am not sure if they are surprised to see me or if they know something I don’t. Then the surprised expressions change into an expecting one, only I have no idea what it is they are expecting from me?

“What are you doing?”

“We are trying to decide on the best plan of action, only, we don’t quite agree…”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

“Chris wants us to go to all the balance points and actively look for whatever it is that is disturbing it, only, it will be like looking for a needle in a haystack, because the sheer number of them…”

“But we can’t do anything until we know which balance point is affected, so it is _the only_ thing we can do and I am not sitting around waiting while my daughter watches her boyfriend die in the hospital!”

“Do you think either of us enjoys watching those kids suffer?!”

They clearly have very different opinions and it is not that I can’t see both sides, but I have to agree with Chris on this one. Sitting around doing nothing doesn’t sound appealing in any way at this point, but I agree with Deaton that we can’t run without any kind of plan either, so we have to find some sort of compromise.  

“Are there some balance points that are more likely to be the cause than others?”

“I guess the balance point would have to be of a certain size to cause the disease, so we could group the balance point according to power and see if that can limit the place we have to search.”

“Why don’t we make searching teams, that way we check more balance points at less time. If you can make a list of some of the more powerful, I could go there now”

“Stiles, you shouldn’t be this eager to throw yourself into trouble, you have no idea what is waiting for you if you can find the balance point that is the cause of all of this…”

I have no idea what it is about those words that sets me off, but the anger burning inside of me doesn’t care. It just wants to lash out and, right now, I don’t particularly care if it does.

“You have _no right_ to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. You have _no right_ to judge my life or me, because you are one of the major reasons my life is a freaking mess! You _ruined my childhood_ , hell, you ruined my life and you never even bothered to apologize or explain until I found out why. Would you even have come back if I hadn’t found out on my own?”

“Stiles…”

“No! I was freaking terrified! I suddenly had all these powers and I had no idea what they meant or what the hell I was supposed to do with them! Then suddenly I am an Aleksy and I had no idea what it meant either and the only person who could possibly understand or explain _any of it_ left, because she thought it was too fucking _dangerous_! Well, I can sure as hell tell you that leaving didn’t make _anything_ less dangerous, it only destroyed whatever family you might have had!”

“Stiles please let me try and explain…”

“I don’t want to hear, I have wasted enough of my life beating myself up over you… I honestly have no idea how you could think you could just step back into my life and be my mother again, because I haven’t had a mother _in years_ and I am sure as hell not looking for one now!”

“I know I screwed up, I just want to make things better…”

“Well, I want to get back to why we are here, so I guess we can’t all get what we want.”

The expression on her face almost makes me want to take it all back, but taking it back wouldn’t make it any less true and I don’t want her to think I didn’t mean any of it. I probably could have handled it better though. That’s when my phone starts buzzing and I see several messages from Scott.

“I actually have to leave, but you should call me if you find out anything new.”

 

 

At the hospital, Scott looks worse. It is obvious he is trying to stay positive to keep especially Allison and his mom from worrying, but he is paler than the last time and just hearing him breathe makes me worried he is going to stop any second and the oxygen mask isn’t making any of my worries go away.

“Hi dude, how are you doing with the whole _thing_?”

“We figured out what is causing it… kind of. Apparently, Beacon Hills is in some sort of energy hub, so the damages in the fundamental energy balances wouldn’t have caused the disease anywhere else and apparently there are so many balance points that we can’t pinpoint where the disruption is happening…”

“Stiles please breathe…”

“Right, have to remember that. Deaton is making a list of the most likely places that could be the cause, so we will probably have spent a couple of days explore wildlife soon.”

“I so don’t envying you that one.”

“Yeah, I can’t say I am looking forward to it myself.”

It makes Scott laugh a little, but the laughing is followed by a rather violent cough that scares me shitless. I really want this to be over soon because seeing him like this makes me want to kill whoever caused this. I mean who or what would do something like this? Whoever it is has to have some idea what they are doing and it is not like they have tried to stop it, so what do they plan on getting out of this?

“So everybody is working their ass off trying to save me, hah?”

“Don’t get your head to far up your ass, buddy; we are trying to save everybody else too. Well, I am sort of regretting going to my mother for her help seeing as how little help she has actually been, but…”

“What is that about? Is your mother giving you grief or something?”

“No, not really, I mean it sort of feels like she expects me to be a part of her life because she agreed to help, but I am not really sure I want her to be.”

“And you shouldn’t be a bigger part of her life, than you want to be, she is the one who gave up her rights concerning you when she walked out on you.”

Hearing Scott be that blunt wasn’t something I expected. In all the years, I have known Scott I have never heard him talk like this about anybody and the look in his eyes makes me wonder if he knows something, I don’t, because he looks furious.

“Dude, I am all for the Claudia bashing, but I didn’t exactly expect you to jump on the train so eagerly.”

“I remember how you were after she left, Stiles. I remember that you stopped smiling; I mean you would still smile, but only to keep people from asking. You never _really_ smiled anymore and seeing you the last few months… you have been smiling, but I hate seeing you slip inside your own mind this way, Stiles, because I am terrified some day you aren’t going to come out again.”

 

 

Scott’s words still haunt me when I make my way out of the hospital, because he hit the nail on the head. Ever since my mother came back, I have been living in my own head again the same way I did after she left and I am not sure, if it is something, she does to me or of it is something more.

As much as I love Scott for being protective of me, her leaving was only half the reason for my behavior back then. Everything that happened with my dad, it made me hyper aware of my own behavior, because I needed it to keep secrets, and now I am back to keeping secrets, so maybe that is what Scott noticed back then? We will never find out for sure, but maybe there isn’t just one answer for this question.

The parking lot is practically empty, because people has started avoiding the hospital after the disease broke out and the whole state of emergency thing was declared. I am actually starting to wonder if they are actually going to allow us to graduate with all the school we have been missing.

“Well, if it isn’t my nephews’ favorite play thing!”

Out of all the people in this town, Peter Hale might be my least favorite to run into in an almost empty parking lot with no one else around. The man is seriously taking creepy to a completely new level and I can’t help the feeling that Peter doesn’t do random run ins; he only shows up when he wants to be somewhere.

“Hello Peter, what are you doing at the hospital?”

“Oh, can’t a man just be concerned for his fellow people?”

“With you, I sincerely doubt it.”

“I am starting to see why Derek likes you; sassy really is the new black with you, Stiles.”

The voice that tells me to run the hell away from Peter Hale is beginning to get louder and louder, and it is getting really hard to ignore at this point. Only, I am suspecting he would take running as an invitation to chase me down and play with me before eating me whole, so I am definitely not running anywhere.

“You look ready pass out, Stiles, why don’t I drive you home?”

“Nah, I have to pick up my dad before going home.”

“Are you sure? We wouldn’t want you getting into an accident.”

“Oh, I am sure, I don’t like leaving my Baby anywhere.”

“Your baby?”

“My car, I'm quite protective of it. Well, I better get going… I will see you around I guess…”

The amount of restraint I have to put on myself to prevent myself from running away screaming. His voice and the way he looks at me like I am lunch make me nervous, which is why everything I tell him is a complete lie, but I have a strange feeling I shouldn’t be getting into any kind of confined spaces with him any time soon. At least not, if I wanted to leave the car alive.

  ~~~~

Stepping through the front door, it feels like I am safe for the first time since running into Peter. Then I hear something breaking in the kitchen and I can’t help feeling a slight panic again. What the hell is my dad doing out there? I don’t think he has actually really cooked for years.

Out in the kitchen, I find my dad brushing the shards of what must have looked like vase together before dumping it in the trash. He doesn’t really greet me, even if he does look relieved to see me. It’s not that I don’t understand him, I mean there has to be some part of him that is scared I won’t be coming back every time I walk through those doors – God knows I feel the same way whenever he leaves for work.

“Did you meeting with Ms. Morrell go well?”

“It was fine.”

“Stiles…How did the meeting really go?”

“What?”

“You and I both know that you never mean it when you say that, so tell me.”

“It really was fine, dad. We talked about everything that happened the last few days with Scott and everything else; there is nothing you need to worry about, really.”

He doesn’t look like he believes a word I am saying and I can’t really blame him. I don’t exactly really have the greatest track record when it comes to telling the truth and it’s not like I am telling him everything either. I am not sure how he would take it if he knew how fucked we are concerning this whole disease thing, he is already sleeping way too little and he is barely eating, so he doesn’t need to worry more.

“Stiles, we need to talk…”

“Dad, you really don’t have to worry about me.”

“I am your dad, Stiles. I am always going to worry about you. We need to talk about why you didn’t tell me about all of this supernatural business sooner; you are not even eighteen years old, kid. You shouldn’t be dealing with this on your own.”

“I wanted to tell you dad. I mean I knew it would help you and might even make your job easier, because it would explain a lot of what is happening and has happened the last couple of months; I even considered that it might make you worry about me getting ill less, because skinwalkers are the only ones who are affected. Only, I know it is going to put you in danger too… and it is a lot to take in. I mean I haven’t completely understood it all yet and I am a lot more involved than you are, plus you have your heart…”

“Stiles, you are babbling…”

“Right, I am sorry. Honestly, I was scared you weren’t going to believe me and I don’t think I would have handle that very well with everything else. It’s not that I wouldn’t understand, the whole supernatural thing doesn’t exactly seem all that real until you see people transforming into animals…”

Right now, I am not really sure that any of what I just said made my dad worry less about me. If anything, there is the possibility that he might be more worried instead of less, which is kind of the opposite of what I wanted to achieve with this conversation.

“Does this have anything to do with why Deaton insisted that you went to Ms. Morrell instead of another therapist with more experience?”

“Of course, it is not like I could talk about everything that happened with somebody who doesn’t know about the whole magic slash skinwalker business and the whole thing with Gerard and Kate…”

As soon as I have said it, I wish I had just kept my mouth shut. Why the hell did I have to bring that up? My dad doesn’t have to know about everything with Gerard and Kate; I mean most of my friends don’t know about everything with Gerard and Kate.  

“Stiles, what whole thing with Gerard and Kate?”

“Well, you know they were trying to gain control over all the skinwalkers, at least I think I told you… Anyway, as soon as they finished the last symbol, I knew the only way to stop them was to use blood magic, which I didn’t technically know if I would be able to pull off…”

“And what exactly would have happened if you hadn’t been able to pull it off?”

“I probably would have died, but there was a small risk of dying if I actually did pull it off too.”

It was meant to sound reassuring, but as soon as I have said it, I know it is probably anything but reassuring. I mean, I doubt any parent wants to hear that their child might have died and his facial expression seems to support my statement.

“You might have died?”

“I actually almost did… it really isn’t as bad as it sounds, I knew there was a bigger chance of Gerard and Kate dying because of their magic backfiring than me dying because I couldn’t control my magic.”

“This is why you feel responsible for their deaths, isn’t it? You think you are the reason…”

God dammit Stiles! Why do I have to do this every time! Why couldn’t I just tell him that the risk of dying is minimal instead of bringing the freaking odds that Gerard and Kate might die into it! This is one conversation, I don’t want to have with my dad, the sheriff.

“I _am_ the reason, dad. I knew what could happen if I did what I did, but I couldn’t risk them hurting my friends or exposing the skinwalkers to the world! I would have meant war…”

“Stiles, what the hell about what might have happened to you? Besides, you know the law better than they know most teenagers, hell; you know it better than most adults do. You _know_ that you killed them in self-defense, because they wouldn’t have hesitated killing you, if they had the chance. _Gerard shot you_ , kid.”

Suddenly, I can’t keep it in anyway. I honestly didn’t even know I was holding it back, but the tears streaming down my face and shudders running through my body indicates that I am more of a mess than I want to admit. Everything is a freaking mess, and I want to fix it so bad, but everything I touch goes to hell. Nothing I do anymore is right and I can’t help feeling that maybe I should just stop trying.

My boyfriend is avoiding me, my best friend is in the freaking hospital and now I have managed to drag my dad into the whole thing too, so how am I supposed to turn this around? It is not like I can just wave a wand and make everything better. Intellectually I know that Ms. Morrell is right; I do need to pick my battles and realize that I can’t fix everything, but that is never going to stop me from wanting to do it.

“I am sorry… I am _so sorry…_ ”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Stiles. Everything is going to be all right…”

“ _No it’s not!_ My life’s a freaking mess…”

“Stiles…”

“No, I have got PTSD and everybody is counting on me to solve this _thing_ , even my best friend is in the hospital counting on me, but I don’t know how the hell I am supposed to fix _any of it_ …”

“Stiles, maybe it isn’t your job to fix everything? Maybe you just need to trust the people around you to help you when you are struggling.”

“Then why does it feel like I have to do this on my own?”

“Because that’s all you know… I am so sorry I haven’t been around since your mother left, I know I should have been and in the end it’s my fault, because you learned too quickly that it’s easier to just deal with things on your own, but even if it feels that way sometimes, it really isn’t. You need other people kid. You need those people to remind you of why you are doing this and you need to let yourself remind them why they love you, because we all do. You are one hell of a kid and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

Then he just pulls me into a hug and I really wouldn’t mind if he never let go, because this might be the first time I feel like I really got my dad back. It feels like I can tell him things and have him act like my dad instead of the sheriff and I don’t think I realized how much I needed that.


	18. Confrontations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This the third last chapter, well, technically it's the second last chapter, because the third one is the epilogue. This are coming together and the next chapter will be the big showdown, so I hope you all like this one. I know this whole story hasn't had a lot of Sterek, but I will be trying to make up for that during the last few chapters.  
> I probably won't start posting the third story just yet, I might do a completely different Sterek story first, but we will see what happens, I have a couple of things I want to do before I start writing here again. 
> 
> Anyway, please keep leaving comments and kudos, they do make me a very happy person :D  
> Do tell me if i need to add any tags or warnings  
> Stay safe you lovely, lovely people <3

It feels strange walking up the stairs to Derek’s new place, but then again I didn’t really get to see the old place either, so maybe I should just be happy that I have actually made it here at all. Then add the fact that Derek has been pulling away lately and I am not sure where the hell we stand.

A couple of weeks ago I would have thought it almost impossible that we wouldn’t speak together during a day, but now I have maybe seen him two or four times this week and none of those times have been anything close to relationship related. It is not that I am even mad with everything that is going on, but he doesn’t seem to want to see me, which is what really sets of the alarms.

That’s probably why a part of me got so excited about seeing his new place, because everybody has pretty much seen it and it might actually end up in some one-on-one time, which we haven’t had in forever. So knocking on Derek’s door, my stomach switches between good and bad butterflies not really knowing what to expect. Then seeing Derek’s face makes my heart hurt, because it is painfully obvious that he has forgotten everything about agreeing to meet up today.

“Stiles…”

“You don’t remember, do you?”

“Remember…”

“You told me to come by to see your new place; _you wrote to me_.”

“Stiles, I am really sorry…”

“Should I leave or…”

“No! Come in…”

Derek grabs my hand so fast I don’t even have time to pull away. My body manages to react before my mind has time to process what is happening, so next thing I know the door is closing behind me and I am standing in Derek’s apartment. Well, technically, it is a loft; it is huge and open, but it could use some paint and some work here and there. Overall, though, I get why Derek picked the place.

“It’s nice, I get why you picked it.”

“Right…”

“Do you want to show me the place?”

“There isn’t really all that much to show…”

What is wrong with him? He doesn’t want to look at me and he clearly doesn’t want to have a normal conversation, so why the hell did he want me to stay? I am sure as hell regretting staying and it has only been under two minutes, so I am not sure what he wants from this.

Over the next 10 minutes, I try to make conversations asking about Isaac moving in, skinwalker training and pretty much everything else I can think off, but Derek still refuses to give me a descent answer and I am running out of things to say. It scares me that he has pulled this far away from me during a few weeks, because he is not acting like the Derek I know at all.

“Derek, are you sure you don’t want me to leave? You aren’t acting like yourself…”

“I am just worried about everything that’s going on. Scott being affected… it hit all of us really hard.”

“I know, but if I am bugging you…”

“Stiles, I want you here, please stop doing this.”

Logically, I know what he is saying makes sense. The disease is putting a strain on all of us and Scott being affected is only adding to it, because now we all feel like we are working on a deadline that is running out right in front of us. Even with all of this, I still don’t really believe him.

I can’t shake the feeling that Derek isn’t keeping something important from me and I doubt confronting him about it is going to make him tell me anything. There is something about the way he looks at me like he is scared I am going to disappear any second that makes me wonder if he knows something more about whoever is behind this or if he knows something else about me, I don’t.

“How are you and Claudia doing?”

“You are going with this one as your first question? Not how are you doing, Stiles or maybe, do you want to see me apartment instead of having me awkwardly stare at you for the next ten minutes? Did you not understand it all the other times when I told you to leave it alone, Derek?”

“I can’t!”

“Well, then we have a freaking problem!”

“Stiles, I would give _anything_ to spend one more day with my mom, because you know what? Mine isn’t around anymore! Your mom might not be a great one, but at least she is around and trying to do better.”

“My mother _choose to leave_! She didn’t care what happened to me or my dad and you clearly don’t understand the damage she did.”

As much as we disagree, we have never screamed at each other like this before and I can’t help holding it against my mother. For some reason, Derek thinks she deserves as many second, third or fourth changes as she wants because it is her right as my mother, but to me she stopped being my mother the day she chose to leave and didn’t think it through.

“It can’t be that bad…”

“What!”

“You went to her for help…”

“What the hell are you doing? You know I never wanted to ask my mother for help!”

“Well, you decided to do it without taking to be me about it first, so it can’t have been that big of a deal right? I mean, we are a couple and we are supposed to be partners; equals, but up until now it has pretty much been you doing whatever you want without consulting anybody else…”

“So this is the real problem? You are pissed that I didn’t talk to you about it?”

“Yes, I am frustrated! You can’t demand one thing from me and not do the same thing yourself.”

It honestly feels like being punched in the gut with a jackhammer, when he says it, because it rings true. Up until now, it has been me doing what I want without consulting the others, but it wasn’t supposed to be like _this_. I don’t do it intentionally, I just… I just don’t really have anybody to talk to. I don’t have anybody who I can talk to who I know won’t judge me or tell me what to do, because that is what they do. Well, maybe I could talk to Ms. Davis, but her answers are always so damn cryptic I don’t know what she saying most of the time. Derek just always corrects me and tells me what to do…

“Maybe if you actually bothered to be present and listen to what I have to say from time to time, then maybe I would talk to you more.”

“I am present…”

“No, you aren’t Derek and honestly? This doesn’t feel like a relationship anymore and I am not sure I can keep watching you keep secrets from me anymore… I have to leave, I will see you later.”

“Stiles, please don’t leave…”

Watching his face go from furious to terrified, it breaks my heart, because I am too head over heels for this guy to keep doing this. I can’t keep watching him make excuses for her, while our relationship falls apart because Derek is too busy keeping secrets from me to actually be my boyfriend.

“Stiles, please just stay so we can talk about this… Stiles, _please!_ ”

Closing the door behind me breaks my heart, but I know staying would have broken it too, because for once in my life I want the truth from people instead of the usual half-truth and lies.

 

* * *

 

Driving away from the apartment complex, I don’t want to go home, because that means having to explain to my dad why I am home early. He has been too worried about me as it is and I am not adding this to the never-ending pile of why-you-should-worry-about-Stiles.

So I end up at the library, because I know I won’t be running into any my friends here. I don’t think most of them knows this place exists and Derek won’t think of coming here, so I can’t have time to gather my thoughts and figure out what happens next.

In a desperate attempt to feel useful, I pull out some of the old maps of Beacon Hills to see if there is anything on there that can help me find some sort of connection between all of this and whatever power centers there might be around the place.

Of course, the exact moment, I have finally gotten the maps out is when Lydia steps through the doors. It only takes her about three seconds to spot me and then she is walking straight towards me probably with every intension of playing bulldozer to get whatever information out of me that she wants.

In a hopeless attempt to get some work done, I try to focus on the maps instead of the determined looking redhead walking straight towards me. It doesn’t stop her from interrupting me, because as soon as she reaches the tables her hand is hammered down on top of the maps.

“What are you doing hanging out with Jackson, Stilinski?”

It sounds childish and somewhat stupid, but I am hoping ignoring her will frustrate her enough so that she will leave. It is Lydia Martin so I know it is a long shot, and by a long shot, I mean impossible, but I have never been known for backing down.

“Stiles, you do realize I am not going to leave until you answer my questions, right? I have plenty of time and we both know I am stubborn enough to pull this off.”

Everything she says is true I am just not ready to accept it yet. Some part of me needs to do something useful, because with everything going on I have never felt more useless in my life.

“I am not leaving, Stiles…”

“What do you want, Lydia?

“I want to know why you are hanging out with Jackson. A few weeks ago he couldn’t stand the sight of you and now you two are best friends.”

“We aren’t best friends…”

“I have friends who saw you in the library, Stiles; _the library._ I don’t think Jackson even knew the library existed until he showed up here for whatever it is you two are doing.”

Lydia Martin is a force to be reckoned with and I am not sure even my Aleksy skills can compete with whatever it is she has. She is terrifyingly beautiful and smarter than pretty much anybody I know, which is why I don’t understand why Jackson won’t tell her the truth because it is only a matter of time before she figures the whole thing out on her own. 

“Lydia, there are some things about Jackson that I can’t tell you…”

“Bullshit.”

“I _can’t_ tell you what is going on, because I promised Jackson I wouldn’t, but you should know that I think things might be turning around for him.”

“Really?”

She sounds so relieved I am not sure what to do with myself. I really don’t know what to do when she goes from I-am-going-to-kick-your-ass to calm-and-exhausted. She looks a lot less scary this way, but it makes her seem more human too. I guess this is what she is like when she isn’t busy controlling the school into doing her bidding. Strangely enough, I think we could have been friends if things had been different.

“Stiles, you should know that I have been impressed with how great of a friend you have been to Jackson the past couple of weeks despite everything.”

“He is a good guy when he wants to be. Besides, I always felt like Jackson was trying too hard to be jackass to really mean it anyway.”

“I have got to give it to you; you are smarter than you look.”

“I am also the one standing between you and valedictorian.”

The moment those words have left my mouth, I regret saying them. What am I thinking telling Lydia that the one person she has been trying to destroy for the better part of two years is sitting right in front of me when I have finally gotten her to semi-like me?  I really do _not_ have some strange death wish despite what everybody else seems to think.

“You know, I actually don’t care…”

“What?”

“I thought I would, but you might be the one person at our school I wouldn’t mind giving that space up for. You really are something special, Stiles.”

Before I have a chance to answer (not that I have any idea what to say) my phone goes off. The caller ID says Jackson and I am not really sure what to expect.

“Speaking of the devil, I need to take this.”

I quickly show Lydia the caller ID before getting up and walking outside, since I can’t really afford to be on the librarian’s bad side since Ms. Morrell doesn’t work here all that much anymore.

“Hey Jackson, what’s up?”

“Do you think we could meet up later?”

“Is anything wrong?”

“I don’t think so… I just need to do something and I don’t think I can do it around and you are the only person I can think of who would understand…”

“Just text me when and where and I will be there.”

“Thank you for doing this… I am sorry about being a jackass for so long, I know most people wouldn’t have forgiven me if I had acted that way to them for as long as I have to you.”

“Just keep being a better person, Jackson and we will be fine, okay?”

“I will; see you later.”

The moment I hang up, I hear heels behind me and there is no doubt in my mind who is standing behind me. Lydia is looking strangely impressed with me and I am not sure what I have done to earn it, but I am not going to start complaining. Having Lydia Martin on your side is not a bad thing.

“You really are so much more than what people give you credit for, Stiles Stilinski.”

 

* * *

 

As I am parking the car, I seriously consider putting the car in reverse and getting the hell out of here, because I am not ready to face the person sitting in front of my house. Derek is the last person I need to see right now, because I am not sure I can stand going another round with him.

“What do you want from me Derek? Don’t you think we have fought enough for one night?”

“My parents had this rule when we were growing up, that you shouldn’t go to bed angry… I need to fix this, Stiles. I need to make us okay again.”

“Honestly, Derek, I don’t think you can do anything that will keep me from going to bed angry, because we are so far out we don’t even realize it anymore.”

Right now, Derek looks about as broken as I feel, because my heart can’t take any more of this. I desperately want to fix this too, but sometimes there isn’t an easy fix and this is one of those times. Right now I am not even sure Derek telling the truth would solve anything because… we just not good together anymore.

“I don’t want to ruin this; you mean too much to me, Stiles.”

“Derek… I don’t want to ruin this either, but when you keep secrets from me…”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your uncle is creepy as hell. He is seriously bad news and you don’t seem to care.”

“Stiles…”

“No, please listen to me, okay. He keeps popping up different places and asking me if I need a ride and I can’t shake the feeling that I wouldn’t get out of the car alive… I really thin you know more about Peter than you want to tell me; he is your family and you love him, I get it, but… he is really dangerous.”

Looking over at Derek, my worst fears are confirmed, because guilt is edged into every single one of his features from his eyes to the way he hunches over looking like he is ready for me to start screaming at him. God knows I want to start screaming, but that is probably not the best idea.

“You actually do know more don’t you…Fuck! I thought maybe it was just my imagination, my PTSD talking… but you are keeping something more from me about your uncle.”

“I thought I smelled Peter around town the same places I smelled Laura before when I was trying to find out what happened to her, but I thought Peter was dead, so I just told myself that I was imagining things. I didn’t want to believe that Peter had anything to do with what happened to Laura. I mean I still don’t know what happened, but she has to be dead or she would have tried to contact me. How screwed up does someone have to be if he thinks _his uncle_ might have something to do with his sister’s death? It is not like I can prove it and I don’t want to believe it, but I can’t help feeling… I can’t help feeling that it might true anyway.”

“Derek, you should have told me…”

“I know! I should have told everybody as soon as I found out he was alive, but… he is the only family I have left at this point. I don’t want to lose him too.”

“Derek, I am angry, because you felt like you needed to keep this from me, but… we are supposed to be there for each other… we are supposed to tell each other these things. It doesn’t help that up until now, our relationship has pretty much been me telling you a bunch of really hard secrets and I might not have handled all of it well, but I told you. You have been a stonewall of nothing, I mean, I literally know nothing about you and I can’t help feeling that this relationship won’t survive if you don’t start being honest with me because I getting really tired of pushing.”

Derek reaches for my hand I let him take it, because I don’t have the heart to deny any of us the comfort. I desperately need him, but most of all I need him to start really being there or it isn’t going to work.

“I know I need to be better, but I am asking you to please be patient with me, Stiles.”

“I just… I feel like I have been trying but I am falling apart and I don’t know how long I can keep falling until I can’t anymore.”

I don’t know how long we sit out on the porch next to each other holding hands saying nothing, but when I have to leave, I feel that maybe we have a chance after all if we can get through this.

 

* * *

 

It is almost midnight when I find Jackson in the middle of nowhere. By then it is cold and I am tired from all the fighting, so I am not really all that excited to be out here, but I promised Jackson, so I am going to try to stay somewhat positive.

“What are we doing out here Jackson?”

“Why are you so edgy?”

Well, there goes the whole being positive thing. I probably should have known that this was never going to work; I have had way too little coffee to be positive right now. Still, honesty might be the best policy.

“It has nothing to do with you, I promise. I just had a fight with Derek.”

“Are you two all right?”

“I don’t know, maybe? Derek won’t open up to me and I understand that he has a shit load of baggage from having lost his family the way he did, but I have my own shit, more than enough of it honestly, and I don’t know what to do to make things better between us. I just know I love him.”

“Just keeping fighting…”

“Excuse me?”

“If you don’t care about a person, you won’t care enough to fight, so you know the real problems begin when you stop fighting, because that means you have stopped caring.”

“That oddly enough makes sense, I guess.”

Looking around me, I really don’t understand what we are doing standing by an abandoned piece of road right next to the preserve. I mean I guess it could be beautiful here if it wasn’t almost midnight and our own source of light wasn’t the moon.

“What are we doing here again?”

“This is where my parents were killed in the car crash…”

Even after reading all the police reports, I still didn’t recognize the place. Thinking back, maybe I should have figured out where we were going, because seeing Jackson this vulnerable makes me want to hug him even if it would probably lead to him punching me in the face or something.

“I used to hate being a skinwalker you know… because to me it was just another thing that made me different from everybody else when all I ever wanted to fit in. Now… now, it feels like the only thing I have left of my biological parents and a part of me wants to embrace it, because it’s the only way I can honor them… it’s the only thing I have left of them…”

“Jackson, embracing your skinwalker heritage, it isn’t the best way to honor your parents… the best way of doing that is being you and being a good person. Even when you were tormenting me, I still knew you were a good person deep down, well, it turns out not as deep down as I thought, but… you need to show the world and you need to stop being scared what the world might think. You aren’t going to be truly happy until you accept yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

This isn’t a conversation I was planning to have with anybody really, but it feels like this might be the one good thing that can come out of everything that has happened to me.

“After my mother left… I started taking care of my dad, because he wasn’t doing very well. I pushed myself to the edge and then just a little further trying to take care everybody else at a point in my life where somebody else should have been taking care of me. Things only started to get better when I accepted that things weren’t right and my grandparents found out…”

“I didn’t know that happened…”

“Nobody did really… Scott only found out a few months ago when everything went down and I had a mental breakdown, but my point with telling you this is that you aren’t going to get better until you admit that things aren’t good. You need to accept yourself, all the different parts of yourself, and then you might actually stand a chance at being happy.”

“You really aren’t all that bad, Stilinski.”

For the first time in all the years I have known Jackson, he actually looks relaxed. I don’t really think I knew what it was before, but he has always seemed on guard all the time I have known him, but I guess that is what secrets do to a person. I just really hope that he turns his life around from now on.

“You know, Lydia told me the same thing earlier today… you do realize she is going to figure this thing out right? Danny is too.”

“I just don’t know how to tell them any of this. I mean how do you tell somebody that you can transform yourself into a leopard? It’s not exactly something that comes up naturally in a conversation.”

“Well, imagine telling your own father that you have magical powers and your best friend and your boyfriend happen to transform into giant wolves?”

“How did you do that?”

“Oh, it was horrible. It was the night Scott was admitted to the hospital. My dad wouldn’t let me in to see him; he was worried I would be infected so I ended up telling him everything… I am surprised he didn’t send me straight towards the psych ward instead letting me through.”

Jackson knocks his shoulder into mine before looking around. He starts walking towards one of the trees a little away and I realize that it has be the tree the car hit. If you look closely, you can actually see where the car hit it. The bark is peeled off and everything around it is almost moving away from in some strange way. It is strange seeing the physical scars the crash left behind when we probably passed this spot so many times over the years without knowing what happened here.

“You can still feel it…”

“What do you mean?”

“You can still feel it in the air… that something horrible happened here. I don’t think I can really explain it, but it feels like this _dark_ energy sort of. I am not sure I am explaining it right, but I can feel _it_.”

“You think it’s related to your parents?”

“It has to be, I mean… you expect something has horrible has two deaths to affect a place, right?”

I am not sure what exactly it is that Jackson says that connects all the pieces floating around in my mind, but suddenly it is all clear. Suddenly, it all fits together in a horrible picture that makes my stomach ache and I can’t help the feeling that I should have seen it sooner. I should have known.

“I have to go…”

“What are you talking about?”

“I am really sorry, Jackson, but I have to go. I will see you later…”

Jackson’s confused face is the last thing I see before I am surrounded by trees running through the preserve not knowing if I am going to come out again.


	19. The Face of Evil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of A Question of Truth if you ignore the epilogue, which will hopefully be up during next week. After that I will be on a break from AO3 for a couple of months, but I have an idea for a third installment of the series that I think could be great - I might post some other Sterek thing first, but we will see :)  
> I really hope you like this chapter and thank you for staying with the series this long.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos, they make this whole thing a lot easier for me :)  
> Tell me if I need to add any tags or warnings  
> Stay safe you lovely, lovely people <3

The only thought going through my mind is ‘how did I not see this sooner?’ It seems so obvious thinking back, but now I feel more clearheaded than I have in months. I wonder if maybe this thing has affected me anyway, but semantics later – I need to be there now!

It honestly feels like I am running for my life, when I run past the last line of trees before I am standing in the clearing. As soon as I step through the trees, the strange sick feeling comes back full force, even worse than what I remember from when I came here during my melt down.

Maybe if everything in my life hadn’t been distracting me, I would have noticed that this sick feeling is far from natural. It feels like something is pulling the air from my lungs and my mind starts feeling unnaturally hazy in a way that makes me want to turn around and forget everything I know.

Standing here, I remember that I knew something didn’t feel right that night. Everything about this place screams wrong, but I just thought that whatever was wrong had something to with me instead of the clearing. I never thought it could be this, but I need to fix this even if I have no idea how.

It is soon clear to me that the wrong feeling surrounding this place intensifies whenever I walk in a specific direction, and it must be connected to what I am looking for. I can’t help hoping that I am wrong about this part as I move towards the epi-center, because I can’t imagine the consequences.

After ten minutes, I am standing in the worst spot and I honestly feel like I am going to pass out, but I can’t afford to stop, because this might be the only thing that can save Scott, and I can’t lose him. Looking down on the ground, I can see the small flowers growing in a pattern on the ground below me even in the dark. I recognize the flowers from Ms. Davis’ lessons on different flowers and plants that hold magical properties, so I start by removing the flowers hoping it will prevent whatever this is from lashing back at me when I start digging.

The ground is ice cold and my fingers feel like they are breaking when I start, but after a couple of minutes I figure out how to use my magic to protect my hands from damage and after that digging goes faster. After five minutes, the worst smell hits me and seconds later, I am throwing up on the ground behind me. It takes everything I have to keep digging because the smell doesn’t improve the more ground I remove.

At this point, everything I feared has become impossible to deny and I have no idea how I am going to explain this to anybody, let alone Derek. There is no doubt in my mind that the body I am uncovering is Derek’s sister and there isn’t much doubt about the killer’s identity either.

It takes me around twenty minutes until the point where I have the body out of the ground and I can’t help thanking whomever I need to thank for the reasonably cold weather, because despite the smell the decomposition is minimal everything considered. Strangely enough, I can’t help recognizing small features that remind me of Derek and that brings along all kinds of emotions, because this could have been Derek…

“Well, Stiles, I wasn’t expect to see you out here…”

The cold, calculating voice belongs to the one person I really hoped to clear for Derek’s sake. The predatory expression on his face makes it obvious that all pretenses has been dropped and every instinct in my body tells me to run and don’t look back.

“How could you do this Peter? She is your _niece_ …”

“Now, Stiles, why would you think that I have anything to do with my dear niece’s murder?”

“You are actually going to pretend you don’t?”

“I guess there isn’t much of point, is there?”

Up until this moment, I never understood why anybody would be terrified of a skinwalker, but the expression on Peter’s face makes it clear that he would kill me without feeling the slightest amount of guilt. Part of me wonders if the murder of his family broke something inside of him, because it is hard to believe, this is the man, Derek loves so much.

“You and Laura share something quite fundamental, Stiles, and it’s going to get you both killed.”

“I am guessing good looks and sarcasm don’t have anything to do with it.”

“You know I would actually like you, if you knew how to leave things alone. Laura was standing between me and my revenge on the council… she put two and two together and figured out I was behind the murders, so she turned up trying to ‘talk some sense’ into me.”

“So it is you behind the murders on the council members’ children?”

Peter has this strange expression of pride that makes me want to run away screaming. It is so obvious that he is _proud_ of the murders he has committed in young innocent children and I can’t help the feeling that something must have really fucked with his mind.

“I can see what you are thinking, Stiles; they were just children, but they aren’t. They are trained from the time they could walk to kill our kind; they aren’t innocent. Laura couldn’t understand how important what I am doing is either. She couldn’t understand that _they_ didn’t do anything after the Argents brutally murdered our entire family. Everybody knows the council should have done something when it happened,, but they were too terrified of Gerard Argent. Their refusal to act is the reason why my family is dead so now I am going to take theirs from them.”

“Then why are you so interested in me? I might be hunter, but I am not on the council and I have nothing to do with what happened to your family?”

The ice-cold laugh Peter lets out before he starts circling me makes me feel uncomfortable on a whole other level. I keep getting flashes of a predator circling its prey.

“Oh, Stiles, I couldn’t believe my luck when I found out you are an Aleksy; Claudia’s son. I have been planning this for years and you are going to be the crowning glory of my revenge.”

“What does my heritage have to do with your revenge plans?”

“Dear naïve Stiles, you have to understand the Aleksy family’s importance in the hunter community; even the council families feared you and up until recently we call thought you were extinct. Killing you doesn’t only mean that I am going to kill the son of a hunter. No, I am going to kill the heir of the most powerful hunter clan to exist – my revenge is going to be legendary.”

“You do know that Derek won’t forgive you for doing this.”

“I think you underestimate my influence over my dear nephew, he has always been the more reasonable one of my sister’s children. I am going to make him see it my way; I just need to explain it to him.”

The calm in Peter’s behavior might be what terrifies me the most, because he is too calm and collected for me to stand a reasonable chance of getting out of this alive. For the second time in my life, I find myself wishing I had called for backup before running here. I just really hope that whatever I did helped break the spell, because I can’t stand the thought that Scott might die because of me.

“How did you figure it out, Stiles? I really thought I would have time before you would start running around out here looking for bodies.”

“A friend of mine mentioned something about how when something horrible happens it leaves a mark behind and it made me remember something. A couple of weeks ago I came up here and I felt this strange dark energy surrounding this place, but I didn’t connect the dots until an hour ago…”

“You did make me nervous the night you showed up here, at least, until he realized that you weren’t in your right mind. I didn’t like Derek showing up, though.”

“Why did Derek make you so nervous?”

“Being a human, you don’t understand how our heightened senses affect us. Luckily for me, Derek was too caught up in you to notice my scent hanging around this place or maybe he just didn’t want to consider the consequences.”

The next thing, I know Peter starts moving towards me with a speed that only means one thing: the fight has begun. I am able to block his first blow and move far enough away that I am out of immediate danger, but if I had been a split second slower my throat would have been slashed at this point.

Peter is far stronger and faster than anything my training could have prepared me for. Chris told me that nothing could compare to a skinwalker out to kill, but I don’t think I really believed him until this point. I start doubting that I going to make it out of this fight alive and Peter seems to be counting on that.

Every time he attacks I feel like I am behind and my muscles scream during every blow, because I might be born to be a hunter, but my body hasn’t gotten that memo. It doesn’t help that Peter seems to be playing with me the same way a cat plays with the mouse before it kills it; he actually seems to be enjoying it.

After ten minutes, I have cuts all over my hands and arms from blocking Peter’s blows and I might have a pressed rib because breathing feels like stabbing myself with a knife repeatedly. I can’t keep this up much longer and it feels inevitable when I back away and trip over one of the big branches. Before I know what happened Peter has got his claws against my throat ready to rip it out.

That is when an animalistic roar breaks the silence taking up my world. Peter looks almost pleased to see our visitors and even if I can’t turn my head, I know Derek has arrived and he is probably rather pissed off. I can’t even imagine what must be going through his head right now; I think we both hoped that Peter didn’t have anything to do with this, but it is getting hard to ignore.

Peter removes his claws from my throat long enough for me to break away from him. He doesn’t look too pleased with my attempt to prolong whatever fight we have, but I start moving towards Derek and the others. It turns out that Derek didn’t come along, because I can see Isaac, Erica, Boyd and Jackson behind him and I have to admit I am surprised to see them.

“Well, hello, Derek, what bring you to this end of the woods?”

“Peter, why are you doing this?”

“Doing what, dear nephew?”

“Why would you hurt Stiles, when you know what he means to me?”

“Oh, you mean your boy toy?”

The roar Derek lets out makes me want to hide, because I have never seen my boyfriend this furious. Everything about this night makes me hate the world, because the tragedy is that this didn’t have to happen. If the council had done their job, maybe Peter wouldn’t have reached the point where he would kill children because of their parents’ actions. Maybe Derek would still have some family left if people had had the courage to stand up to tyrants like Gerard Argent instead of looking the other way.

“He is my mate, Peter! He means everything to me and I won’t allow you to hurt him!”

“Derek, you have to understand that I am doing this for your own good. Everything I have done, I have done for our family…”

“So you are going to tell him everything you have done, Peter?”

“What is he talking about Peter? What have you done?”

Derek’s voice sounds so scared and so strangely young. It breaks my heart to tell Derek this and it feels wrong to do it like this, but we don’t have time to do this the right way. All we can hope for is that we come out of this without too many scars.

“Are you really going to believe a _Hunter_ over your _family_ , are you?”

“Peter, _what did you do_?”

“He murdered Laura… She found out he is murdering the Council members’ children as revenge for your family’s deaths. He buried her behind me… Derek, her murder is what disrupted the balance point; it is what caused the disease.”

“ _Shut up!_ Derek will understand when I explain…”

“ _I will never understand!_ Peter, you murdered _my sister; my family!_ She was the only family I had left!”

“You have me!”

“ _Family doesn’t murder family!_ ”

The pain in Derek’s voice makes me want to hold him. It makes me want to tell him that it isn’t true, because I don’t know how Derek is going to come through this. How do you handle the fact that your own family has become disturbed enough to kill a family member? How do you come back from that?

“Your boyfriend is too smart for his own good, Derek. If he had just left things I alone I wouldn’t have to do this… Everything would be okay, if he had just left this alone!”

“Stiles, what did he tell you?”

“Derek…”

“I need to know what he told you…”

I know what Derek is asking for, but I am not sure I can give it to him. Derek wants to know why Peter was ready to kill me, if it is just because I figured things out or if there is more.

“He wants to kill me because I am an Aleksy. I am supposed to be the centerpiece of his murder spree, so that he can say he murdered the last heir to the Aleksy line… I am _so sorry_ , Derek.”

Peter roars and moves to attack me, but Derek manages to intercept and sends Peter flying across the clearing. Only, you would expect a blow like that to do some damage, but Peter acts as if he barely felt it when he stands up. Something about this guy isn’t right and I can’t explain what.

“I can see your dear boy toy putting the pieces together, Derek, but you don’t have a clue do you? When I disrupted the balance point burying Laura, I gained access to the energy lines crossing here. I have been able to tap into that energy and it makes me much stronger than you, nephew.”

Suddenly, Isaac starts screaming and his legs give out, but there is no one around. Peter’s laugh indicates that he has something to do with what is happening, but how is he doing this? I might be able to do it once I gain control over my spark, but it takes a lot more practice than anything I have and Peter doesn’t have a spark, so that doesn’t explain it.

“Tapping into the energy lines also allows me to do another little party trick. You see skinwalkers are connected to the energy lines and balance points, which is why disturbing the balance points caused the disease. Only accessing the energy lines means I can access other skinwalkers energy and drain them the way I am doing with dear Isaac here.”

“You can’t drain all of us at once…”

“Oh, you are wrong about that, Derek. I might not be able to do it as fast, but don’t underestimate me.”

It is painful watching Peter move to attack me and having my friends blocking the blows, because I know this is about me. Peter probably wouldn’t even think about hurt any of them if it wasn’t for me, and it doesn’t help that I can see them gradually weakening by whatever it is Peter is doing.

“Aren’t you getting tired of watching people protect you, Stiles?”

“Stiles, don’t you dare fight him!”

Derek is obviously fighting with everything he has to stay upright; to protect me. Only, Peter is right. I am not sure how long I can stand here with them being hurt, when I could make it stop. I understand that Derek doesn’t want me to be hurt, but this is why I have been training for months. This is why I want to be a Hunter in the first place because it means, I can protect the people I care about; I just don’t know how.

The only way I can do this is if I use my spark, but despite Ms. Davis training, I have no idea how I am supposed to use it in battle. I don’t want to rely on blood magic to win this fight, because I doubt I will be lucky enough to use it twice, and I am running out of options. I consider sending my magic out in my limbs the way I did when I was digging for Laura’s body early, but I haven’t been able to distribute my magic in such a large area at once before and I doubt I will be able to do it now.

By now, Derek and the others are weakened to the point where they can’t stand and it has become rather obvious that I am the only person standing in Peter’s way. If Peter manages to kill me then whatever sick revenge fantasy he has going on becomes real.

“Now Stiles are you going to make this easy on yourself or are you going to keep fighting?”

“Somebody has to stop you, Peter?”

“And you think Derek is going to be able to forgive you for killing his uncle?”

“I don’t know, but I can’t live with myself if you kill anybody else.”

“If you make this easy, I will even spare your pathetic friends. What do you say?”

“Don’t you dare, Stiles!”

Nobody is going to die for me today, but the pain in Derek’s voice makes it abundantly clear that he is more than ready to give up his life to keep me safe, even if it means killing Peter. It terrifies me that someone else cares enough to put me before themselves in that way, but I won’t lie and say I wouldn’t do the same. Standing in front of Peter knowing that he might kill the others if I don’t stop him, I know I would do anything to keep them safe even if it meant dying.

 “Stiles, please! You have to run…”

“Oh, Derek, you really don’t know your boyfriend very well, do you? He is the ideal Aleksy, ready to die to protect the innocent around him. You are going to die trying to protect them, aren’t you Stiles?”

Looking around I see Derek and the other skinwalkers spread out in the clearing unable to move and it makes me furious that anybody can do this to others. It makes a new fury run through me and I know that I have to try, because I might be the only person who can stop Peter. Right now, I need to be the Aleksy everybody believes me to be, because that is what it is going to make to defeat Peter.

I need to remember everything Ms. Davis taught me over the past few weeks, because it is the only thing standing between death and me right now. I need to remember the breathing exercises, the basic control and I need to remember what Chris taught me to protect the people I love from the face of evil standing before me. I need to be strong for the people I love.

Falling into the rhythm drilled into my subconscious by Ms. Davis slows everything down around me. It is as if my Spark has been injected into every aspect of my perception, because I can register everything and my body is moving far faster than before. I can feel energy running through my body that I didn’t think was possible and for the first time I can’t help thinking: I can do this.

Peter’s eyes widen when I block his first attack. It is obvious that the tables have turned, because suddenly Peter is the one a step behind and I am the one pulling the punches. For the first time tonight, I am the one attacking Peter and it feels good. It feels natural in a way that the defense never did.

For the first time, I can feel Chris training paying off, I can feel the balance I have gained from fighting on the beam, I can feel the endurance from running and I can feel the strength from the physical training and it is only being enhanced by the Spark running through my body. I am starting to understand why everybody has been terrified of my family for centuries, because we are made to fight.

“You seem surprised Peter.”

“How are you doing this?!”

“You didn’t think I had learned to use my Spark yet, did you? That is why you figured I would be an easy mark, right? You didn’t expect me to fight back. I am sorry to disappoint, Peter.”

That is when I start reaching out into the air around me and gathering whatever heat there is left in the cold night air. When Ms. Davis explained this to me, I thought she was mad, but I can feel it now. I can feel everything around me and it is begging me to fix the balance point. The nature is hurting and I suddenly understand where the wrong energy comes from; nature has been trying to catch my attention for weeks.

I can feel the heat dancing around my skin, vibrating in a weird way I don’t think I will ever get use to until I start centering it in front of me. At first, you can’t tell the difference, but the way Peter’s expression changes when he notices the flame forming scares me. The feeling of power is addicting and I never want to end up like Peter Hale, but I know I can’t afford to let him live.

It takes seconds before I am holding what can only be called a fireball between my hands, and the moment I send it in Peter’s direction he starts running, but the Spark is faster. In a matter of seconds, the fire is consuming Peter and I beg the fire to make it quick. As much as I hate him for what he has done, I don’t want him to suffer and most of all I don’t want Derek to have to watch it either.

After the fire has vanished along with whatever is left of Peter Hale, I turn around and I am faced with my parents, Derek and the rest of the skinwalkers. I have no idea when my parents decided to join the party, but I don’t know how I am supposed to react. My parents just saw me murder someone and he might have been in self-defense and he might have been a serial killer, but I still murdered another human being.

In a matter of seconds, Derek is holding me and I can’t help feeling relief. Having him hold me while whispering that everything is going to be all right, it is exactly what I need. My mind is a mess and I can’t help feeling that this is the price you pay for being a horrible human being.

“I killed him…”

“Stiles…”

“I am _so sorry_ …”

“Stiles, I don’t blame you. If you hadn’t done it, I would have.”

The other skinwalkers must have heard us, but they don’t say anything. My parents look like they don’t know what to say, but what do you say when you watch your son murdering another human being. My dad reaches out for me, only Derek refuses to let me go, so it ends up as a strange hug with Derek’s arms caught in the middle. My dad sends me a strange look, but I shake my head, because I think Derek needs this as much as I need him right now.

Jackson comes over to me as soon as my dad has let me go and pulls me into a hug that surprises me. I never imagined I would be hugging Jackson Whitmore, but we have become good friends in our own way. It is not lost on me either that he must have called for help after I abandoned him earlier.

“Thank you for calling them, Jackson.”

“Just never do it again, okay? You scared the living hell out of us; Derek almost tore my head of when I told him you had run off.”

“How did you guys even figure out where I went?”

Suddenly, all five skinwalkers look terribly embarrassed and I am not sure if I want to know. Then again, I am not really sure how this could end up being all that embarrassing, because what can you do?

“They broke into your room and stole your sweatshirt...”

“What?!”

“We needed something with your scent on it…”

“And they are very lucky that you have an understanding father who won’t be pressing charges for theft and breaking and entering.”

“You guys _actually_ broke into my room?! Why didn’t you just call my dad and tell him to bring something? _PLEASE_ , tell me you didn’t break anything!”

The not so subtle blush spreading over Isaac’s cheeks tells me that my dad might need to call a carpenter or something to fix whatever it is they have broken.

“Don’t even tell me, I don’t want to know right now.”

“You should be happy that you have friends who care about you the way these kids do. These guys seem ready to do just about anything for you. Are you sure, you are all right, kid? You are looking a little pale.”

“I am just tired, dad. It has been a _really_ long night.”

“What were you doing with Jackson anyway, Stiles?”

“Derek, please not right now. I will answer whatever questions you have, but the only thing I want to see right now is my bed, okay?”

My boyfriend nods, but makes no move to let me go. In the end, I just start walking in the same direction as my parents. My mother has been awfully quiet and I am not really sure how to handle that, but there isn’t a lot I can do expect talking to her and I don’t want to do that right now.

“Is there any way we can have a conversation that won’t be overheard by the entire company?”

“If you are talking about the skinwalkers that won’t happen, dad. I am sorry.”

“I just never thought I would see anybody worry about you the way I do, kid, but the look in Derek’s eyes… he really cares about you.”

“I know… I care about him too dad.”

“I won’t be able to convince you to stop this, will I?”

“I am sorry…”

“Don’t be. I think I found out how many people actually depend on you tonight, son, and I am proud of you for that. You are a really good person.”

Hearing my dad of all people say that leaves me speechless, because after everything that just happened I never thought I would hear that he is proud of me. He has always been adamant about violence being a last resort, but it calms something inside of me that he doesn’t hold Peter’s death against me.

My dad must notice my silence, because he offers to go get the car, so I don’t have to walk any further. It takes me a few seconds to realize just how physically tired I am. Only, this leaves me alone with Derek and my mother, because Jackson and the others left a few minutes ago. Neither of us seem to have much to say, so I don’t know where we go from here. By the time we can see the car lights in the distance, she turns around and looks at me in this weird way.

“I am sorry I couldn’t see that you have grown up without me, because from what I saw tonight, you are going to be an amazing Hunter and person someday and I am proud of you for saving your friends.”

“Mom…”

“No, you don’t have to say anything, I just need to get this off my chest, but please just call for backup next time, okay? I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

This is the first time I feel like I can see my mother being a part of my life. I guess a part of me has accepted that it is the way it is going to be and it doesn’t bother me as much as I expected really. I probably won’t ever truly forgive her for leaving us all those years ago, but I think she knows that. Now we just both need to find the middle ground where we can make this work for the both of us.

When my dad parks the car my mother gets into the front seat without asking and getting into the backseat with Derek without him actually physically letting go of me is harder than expected. At one point, I am seriously considering telling him to get his hands off me so I can get in the car, but I don’t have the heart to actually do it when I see the distressed look in his eyes.  

“So does this mean you two are going to accept that I am never going to be completely normal? That you aren’t going to start freaking out whenever something like happens?”

“Stiles, we are your parents and that means we are never going stop worrying about you.”

“But I think we have both accepted that we are the parents of a soon to be eighteen year old Hunter and even if we don’t want anything to do with each other and we don’t want you to get hurt, we are going to do whatever it takes to support you with this _thing_.”

“Your father is right, Stiles. You come first.”

“Thank you for saying that, it means a lot.”

By now, we are halfway towards the house and my parents are talking quietly in the front seat. Derek still refuses to let me go and I can’t help wondering how long this is going to last. People are going to start asking questions if Derek follows me around wherever I go.

“Derek?”

“Yes?”

“When do you think you might be able to you know, let physically go of me?”

The look Derek sends me makes it hard not to start laughing my ass off because he honestly looks like he thinks I might be crazy. I mean it is a perfectly normal question, but he is acting like I am being ridiculous.

“All I am going to say is that you are going to have to get used to this because I am never letting you out of my sight. This is the second time I have had to watch people from my past almost kill you and this is the second time you didn’t call for freaking backup, so I am going to solve that problem by being permanent backup by just always being around.”

“Please say you are kidding.”

“You know me, Stiles. I don’t do kidding.”

Then he just smiles and I can’t help but kiss him. When I pull back, Derek kisses me again and I don’t even care that my parents are sitting in the front seat at this point. I am kissing my insanely hot boyfriend and I really don’t give a shit who sees it. I still expect a lot of groveling for not telling me the truth sooner, but we are going to be all right.


	20. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter for A Question of Truth... it feels weird even thinking about it. I started writing the first one (A Question of Trust) over a year ago and now I am posting the last chapter of the second part, crazy. I really hope you like it and I hope you will keep following the story when I get around to posting the third installment, which I will do at some point (probably in a couple of months), but right now I am crazy busy with Med School things, so I am taking a break :)
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments, they make me smile :)  
> Please tell me if i should add any tags or warnings  
> Stay safe you lovely, lovely people ... see you soon <3

It has been two months since I sat here for the first time, two months since Gerard and Kate Argent were murdered and in a way, I am back where I started. Five days ago Peter Hale died, but this time I killed him with every intention to kill and that scares me. I don’t know if it is the Hunter in me or something else, but I am able to kill another human being, even if it made me want to puke. It still does.

Every time I see Derek, a new wave of guilt washes over me, because I killed the only living family member that he had left. He keeps telling me repeatedly that I did what I had to do: it was kill or be killed. As much as I want to say that his words make everything all right, they don’t. I still have nightmares and I still want to scrub my skin raw, but I know I am handling it better than last time.

Overall, I probably shouldn’t be surprised about how much time I have spent in this office. All the hours spent with Ms. Morrell has made me more aware of my shortcomings and how I deal with them, so strangely enough, I am not scared I am heading towards another round of PTSD. Technically, it wouldn’t be another round seeing as I am still dealing the first one, but I doubt I will ever have another breakdown the way I did a couple of weeks ago. I know I need to speak up before I reach that point.

Despite all the negative things, I still have this overwhelming sensation that things have made a turn for the better. Every important aspect of my life are genuinely good and it has been a question of truth, because as soon as I actually told the truth to the people who matter, they actually listened and loved me.

“Hello Stiles, I am sorry I had to take that call.”

“I really don’t mind, Ms. Morrell.”

“I know you don’t. I have to say you look better than you have in months.”

“I feel better than I have in months too.”

“Good, I am glad. Why don’t we get started?”

Part of me can’t really understand that it has only been a month since I started therapy. Sure, I have been here several times a week, but I know I am privileged having her as my therapist. Throughout the whole thing, I have known I only needed to call and she has been there for me and she has never told me how to feel or why I feel how I feel, she has only tried to make me understand how others might be feeling. She has never forced me to say anything, except for in the hospital, where I had to tell them about my diagnosis, but even then I knew it was what needed to happen. She really has become a sort of friend to me and I think that is why it has worked so well for me.

“How are your relationship with your mother? Deaton told me she joined in on your training sessions yesterday, so has anything changed between you.”

“I don’t know if they have changed, but I have realized that she is going on be a part of my life. It is not really something I can prevent, because she is back and she is the only one who really understands this whole Spark business, but I doubt I will ever be able to forgive her for leaving us all those years. She knows that, though. We are working on finding some kind of middle ground that works for both of us. ”

“First of all, I am happy that you told your mother how you feel and, because that is the only way the two of you can move forward. Second, how do you feel about her being a part of your life? I know you told me you have made your realization, but how do you feel?”

“Overall, I feel this… clarity or resoluteness, I guess. I still resent her in some ways, but I don’t think that is ever going to go away and I don’t feel comfortable around her, but maybe that that will go away in time. It’s confusing, because she is my mother and I will always love in some way, but I don’t really trust her 100 per cent and I still need her… but I have accepted her. Does this even make any sense?”

“Emotions don’t always make sense, Stiles. They aren’t logical the way you like things to be, but it does make sense. Claudia is one of the people who have hurt you most in your life and her being your mother doesn’t erase that, but it doesn’t stop you from loving her anyway.”

During the last two months, I have come to terms with the fact that Ms. Morrell has some sort of gift where she put what you are feeling into words in a way that nobody else I know can. Whenever I am having troubles saying what I am feeling she manages to understand my rambling and I have no idea how. I mean, I barely understand my rambling most of the time.

“How are you and Derek doing?”

“We are better. I can’t really explain it, but telling the truth has done wonders for the negative tension between us. I won’t say that it is gone, but it has gotten much better.”

“Have you talked about what happened with Peter?”

“There hasn’t really been that much to talk about, because Derek seems to be handling the whole Peter had to die thing better than I am. I am not sure I understand it, but he told me that the man who died wasn’t his uncle in the end, because his Peter would never have hurt anybody he cares about.”

“You don’t believe him?”

“I believe that he believes it. When it comes down to it, I think it is his way of compartmentalizing that Peter murdered Laura and tried to murder me and the other skinwalkers, when he did what he did. I think he feels guilty for all the people Peter hurt when he feels like he could have prevented it.”

“Do you agree with him?”

“No, Peter relied on Derek loving Peter more than the rest of the world and I don’t think you can hold it against Derek that he choose to believe the best about a person he loves. In the end, I choose to believe that if Derek had known what Peter was doing he would have stopped him.”

Maybe I should have forced Derek to talk about everything that went down more, but my instincts keep telling me that I should wait until he was ready and they have served me well so far. It is not that I haven’t considered that it might just be wishful thinking and not so much instincts, but I like to believe that I have gotten past the phase in my life where I bottle things up. 

“How are you handle some of the other issues they have been having?”

“We are working on it. I think we both know that it isn’t going to get magically better, but Derek has come to terms with the fact that I need to handle my mother my way. I think he finally realized him missing his family can’t be transferred to my family, because it is two different situations. He has dialed the whole watching me like a hawk thing down too, which I appreciate.”

“How about the age difference issue?”

“Honestly, we haven’t handled it completely, but my dad’s acceptance has helped. When it comes down to it, I don’t think the age difference was the main issue for me. For a long time, I felt like I had more feelings for Derek than he had for me, because Derek is pretty much the epitome of perfection and I am me.”

“You sound like that has changed?”

“It has. Seeing the way Derek reacted during the whole thing with Peter made me realize that Derek truly cares about me. He is ready to give up his life to protect me, so he has to be as attached to me as I am to him. The reasoning is weird, but I think I needed to physically see him do something that proves it to me. I don’t know, but for right now I am in love with Derek Hale and I don’t care who knows.”

 _I am_ _in love with Derek Hale_. Saying it aloud makes it feel so much more real and I can’t help feeling like one of those teenage girls writing their crushes name on things. Now I just need to tell Derek.

“How is your dad holding up with everything that has happened?”

“He has honestly handled it a lot better than I expected. Telling the truth about my own abilities and the whole skinwalker aspect of everything has settled so many of our problems, but it has also brought a completely different set of issues. It doesn’t help that he saw the end of the altercation with Peter, because now he has realized how dangerous what I am doing is, but it has also made him realize what I am capable off.”

“Do you think your powers affect your relationship?”

“In some ways, I think they do, because most people don’t really understand my powers, I mean I don’t really understand my Spark most of the time, so how could my dad? When it comes down to it all, I really know is that I am going to use them protecting people and having my dad as a role model has a lot to do with that decision. Despite all his faults, my dad takes pride in his job and he is brilliant at it.”

“Has Claudia’s return affected your relationship with your dad?”

“I am not sure it has affected our relationship directly, but it has brought up a lot of things we don’t like talking about. Having them work on their relationship for my sake will probably bring up a lot more, but I think we will be all right. It is still weird seeing them in the same room, because I honestly never thought I would see the day… I won’t say that it is bad, but it is going to be an adaption process for all of us that will last for years. Telling the truth didn’t set us free, but it did us good.”

As a part of the whole process, they decided that we were going to have dinner together the other day. I think they planned to talk about all the different things, but I never know what to say when they are both there so it ended up being incredibly awkward. Whenever they would ask me any questions, my mind would go completely blank and I would sit there with a blank expression on my face. It ended with the mutual decision that the next time we do that Derek needs to be there as some sort of buffer, but honestly I think they just hope that I will actually be able to say something resembling intelligent with him there.

“Did anything else happen during the last couple of days?”

“Scott was released from the hospital yesterday. He is still not a hundred per cent, but Deaton says it is only a matter of days before he is back to his old self.”

“You sound relieved.”

“The first thing Scott said when he saw me was that he knew I could do it… It felt nice to know that I pulled through for him, but I don’t know how long I can keep doing until I disappoint a lot of people. Everybody keeps expecting me to be near perfect and I am really not.”

“And you don’t have to be. Are you talking about your Hunter practices?”

“I would ask how you figured that one out, but I am just not… I do feel like I am letting people down, because I can’t do whatever I did that night again. I mean maybe it was just the adrenalin, I don’t know, but I feel like I should be able to do _something_ at least.”

“Have you stopped practicing?”

“No, I am still practicing like a crazy person everyday with Chris, Deaton, Ms. Davis and my mother…”

“Are you doing everything you can?”

“Of course, I always do my best…”

“Then what more can you do?”

“Nothing.”

“You need to pick your battles Stiles and it might just have been the adrenalin or some Hunter instinct kicking in, but you need to trust yourself and know that you will be able to do it again if you need to.”

Just hearing those words, it shouldn’t make me feel as good as it does. I mean it’s not that I haven’t thought what she is saying, but I am having problems practicing in real life. It does seem like it is one of my main problems, but I don’t know how to change it, because how do you change something so fundamental about your personality? Maybe all I can really do is remember it and take in account.

“Do you think your PTSD symptoms are going to come back after what happened with Peter?”

“I am having nightmares again and I guess the rest of it might come back, but this time I know how to handle them better. I might still need help, but I know what ignoring them won’t help and I know that I have a disposition for PTSD because of my Aleksy heritage. I think I am going to be all right this time.”

“What do you think became the turning point in your recovery, because you have made incredible progress during the last couple of weeks?”

“Telling the truth changed things, but I think the turning point was when I finally accepted that it happened; that it was… is real. For a really long time, I didn’t believe that I had PTSD, because it was just my usual nightmares and anxiety coming back, but I know I needed help now, so thank you for everything.”

“I didn’t do as much as you might think, Stiles. You are incredibly resilient and I agree with everything you just said. I don’t know if the symptoms are going to come back, but if they do, you are going to handle them far better, because you know better. I will always be ere when you need me, but I don’t think we need to see each other quite as often anymore.”

A part of me knew those words were coming, but hearing them feels a little bit like being released into the big bad world again and it terrifies me. Having the appointments have been a sort of safety net in some way and knowing I won’t have them to rely on the same way, it feels daunting. Despite those emotions, I know I am going to be all right even if I won’t have sessions every few days, because Ms. Morrell isn’t the only person I can talk to anymore. I know Derek and my dad will be more than happy to listen to what is going on in my head and that gives me a sense of freedom I don’t quite understand.

“Now, our sessions is almost finished and I have heard there are a few people waiting to celebrate with you, so you probably shouldn’t keep them waiting.”

“I still can’t believe it. I never thought I would have this; people who want to celebrate my birthday, because I am so used to only having Scott and my grandparents that it feels a little bit too good to be true.”

“Just promise me that you will enjoy it, because you deserve all of this.”

Walking out of the office I feel like I am not necessarily cured, but I am going to be all right.

 

* * *

 

Arriving at the house, it feels unreal seeing all the cars parked outside the house. I am actually turning eighteen today; I am an adult and for the first time in forever, I am actually looking forward to my birthday. I still can’t believe that it is actually happening today, because the whole day has been surreal.

It started this morning when Derek stopped by for breakfast with my dad and me to give me my present. I still can’t really wrap my head around the fact that he found all those skinwalker history books for me and I can’t forget the way my heart sank when he told me they used to belong to his family, because I know what that means. I don’t think anybody can ever really understand the pain it must have cost him to look through all his family’s things and to think he did that for me makes me want to hold him and never let him go.

After my dad had left for work, Derek gave my another present. At first, I didn’t really understand why he has giving me the little book, but his words made my heart break. He explained that it used to be his mother’s and that she would write stories about his family in it. He said that he don’t think he will ever be able to talk about his family, but still wants Stiles to know them, so he wants me to read it. I honestly didn’t think I would be crying on my birthday, but it made me tear up and even then I knew I wouldn’t be able to read the book until Derek is ready to read it with me. He kept saying that he might never be but I just told me that I am a stubborn bastard and I will wait however long it takes.

Walking up to the front door, I remember the expression on Derek’s face, because if I had any doubts that he cares about me they were blown to bits. I might actually be one of the luckiest people alive to have a boyfriend who would sacrifices something so personal to make me happy.

As soon as I open the front door, I hear everybody screaming happy birthday. Looking around I can’t help being surprised by how many people are here. Derek is standing next to my parents and Scott is sitting next to Allison, Lydia and the other four skinwalkers. Danny even show up and my grandparents are sitting around the kitchen counter talking to Ms. Davis, Chris Argent and Deaton.

I try to make my way towards Derek and my parents, but Scott manages to attack me with a hug first, screaming Happy Birthday into my right ear loud out for it to start ringing. All things considered, it feels right to me that Scott gets the first hug since he is the one person who stuck with me through the hard times, so I hug him back just as hard.

“Am I the only one who feels like we are betraying their birthday ritual?”

“Nah, but I like this too.”

“Me too, you deserve this, dude.”

“How are you doing? I didn’t think we would be able to talk your mother into letting you out of the house for the next ten years.”

“It’s your birthday, dude! She knows this is Stiles and Scott time! Besides, I think she was terrified I would try crawling out of my window if she didn’t let me walk out the front door and since I get tried walking up the stairs, I think she was scared I would get hurt or something.”

“You are still tired?”

“Yeah, I feel like I have constantly just run a marathon or something, but I am getting better. I am just happy that it isn’t taking as long as it is with some of the others. Deaton says there seems to be a correlation between how sick we were and how long it takes the affects to wear off, so it could have been a lot worse. They all want to thank you for saving their lives by way.”

“Please just tell them that I am glad they are getting better; I don’t feel up to going over what happened with every single one of them.”

“I will, but I knew you were going to fix it. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I am happy to have you as my best friend.”

That starts another round of very manly hugging and if anybody claims to have seen tears, I am going to send my best friend after them. Despite everything we have been through the past couple of years, I feel like we are reaching a point where we are better friends to each other than we have ever been. The supernatural really has had the strangest effect on my relationships with people.

Right when I am about to walk towards my parents and Derek, Allison stands up and hugs me. I have to say that I am a bit surprised by the extensive physical contact, because I am not really sure what I did to make her hug me this way. I look over at Scott but he looks just as confused as I do.

“Thank you for keeping your promise.”

Those words make me even more confused at first until I realize what she is saying. She is referring to the night in the hospital after Scott was admitted where she made me promise to save him, because she couldn’t live without him. Hearing her say those words, remind me that I haven’t just saved the skinwalkers by stopping Peter, in a way saving them saved their loved ones as well.

“Happy Birthday, Stiles.”

Scott looks confused, but I don’t think Allison nor I are ever going to tell him what happened that night. It was our moment in a way and the first time I realized that what Allison and Scott have are the real thing. They are good for each other, but Scott doesn’t need to know everything.

As soon as I turn around, I can feel my body hitting something hard and the next thing I know, I am being manhandled by someone who actually manages to keep us both from hitting the ground. It is not hard to guess that whoever this is has to be a skinwalker, because normal people just don’t have that kind of reflexes, but I surprised to see that Isaac is my knight in shining armor.

“I am so sorry for being a klutz, Isaac, are you all right?”

“I am fine, Stiles…”

“You really would expect my training to have some kind of impact on my general grace, but not really. I still can’t seem to stay standing for too long.”

“I just wanted to wish a happy birthday, so Happy Birthday, Stiles.”

“Thanks, how are you doing with everything?”

Strangely enough, Isaac seems genuinely amused by my rambling, which isn’t really the usual reaction. Mostly people look at me as if I am a slightly crazy person, which technically I guess I am, but his reaction reminds me of my dad’s somehow.

“The emancipation actually went through Wednesday, so I am officially a legal adult.”

“You still haven’t gotten used to saying that, have you?”

“No, but I feels good.”

“I am thrilled for you, but when will you be moving in?”

“I have all my stuff packed at Derek’s place so I will probably move them in a few days. I didn’t want to intrude on your birthday, considering you and your dad are letting me stay here…”

“You are not intruding on anything. How is Derek taking the whole you moving out thing, because every time I bring it up all he does is move his eyebrows in what I have to assume is a threatening manner?”

“So you are familiar with the speaking eyebrows too?”

“Are you kidding me? They are surprisingly vocal.”

Every time I hear Isaac laugh, it feels like a small victory, because I have a feeling he has done a lot of laughing over the years. He is such a great person that I didn’t really have any doubts agreeing when my dad asked if I was okay with Isaac moving in after his emancipation.

“But thank you again for letting me stay with you guys in the guestroom until I turn eighteen in a couple of months…”

“Isaac, you do realize we won’t be kicking you out as soon as you turn eighteen, right? You can stay as long as you want to.”

“I just don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“I really don’t mind and I know Derek wasn’t too happy about the new arrangement, but it wasn’t like the judge was going to let you move in with someone who doesn’t have a job and my dad sure as hell didn’t want you going to back to your own dad. I am pretty sure he still thinks he can convince you to sue him for reckless endangerment to a minor or something.”

“Derek wasn’t kidding when he said you talk a lot.”

“No, he wasn’t and speaking of Derek, I think I better go over and say hello.”

“Thank your dad for me again.”

“I will.”

This time I look around before I start making my way towards my parents and Derek’s general direction again. Only ten feet before I reach my goal, Jackson comes up to me and I really want to yell something _distinctly_ inappropriate. Only, over the past few weeks, I have concluded that the only person who can compete with Scott, when it comes to that kick puppy look is Jackson, and I am not feeling up to the guilt, right now. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to be mad at Jackson, but I can’t help noticing the rather apparent nerves he is sporting whenever he glances in Danny’s general direction.

“Happy Birthday, Stiles.”

“Thanks, Jackson. How are you doing with the whole thing with your parents?”

“I am still wrapping my head around it, but thank you for helping me despite everything I have done.”

“That is what friends do and you are actually a good one.”

I am probably not doing myself any favors by adding to Jackson’s already impressive ego, but I don’t really mind. Despite everything that happened before Jackson found out he is a skinwalker, he really has proved himself a good friend and he has more depth than what people give him credit for.

“Derek told me you called for help after I ran off and you didn’t have to come fight Peter…”

“Stiles, you just told me friends help each other, right? You are my friend too, why wouldn’t I help you?”

“I just wanted to say thank you.”

“Speaking of that night, I kind of helped solve the whole thing, hah?”

“I guess you can say that.”

It takes all the restraint I can muster not to burst out laughing, because I can’t believe this is what makes Jackson bring out the smug asshole expression. I mean, he is telling the truth, because I wouldn’t have been able to figure everything out if he said what he said, but it just doesn’t feel very Jackson-like somehow.

Jackson must notice me restraining myself, because the next thing I know he pushes me lightly and laughs. He looks both happier and more nervous than I have ever seen him, but I am not one to throw stones at glass house, because I am the same. I don’t think I have ever been happier with my life than I am right now and I am not really sure what to do about it. Some part of me keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, but the logical part of me knows that things might actually be looking up from now on.

“Did you ever think this would be your life?”

“What part of it? The crazy ass powers, the birthday party with actual people present or the super-hot boyfriend who seems way too good to be true?”

“Any of it really… Derek, I guess.”

“Honestly, I didn’t think I would have any of it, but taking a risk was worth it; Derek is definitely worth it. Sure, he frustrates me at times, but he still makes me the happiest I have ever been.”

“So you don’t regret your relationship after everything that happened?”

“I am not going to pretend that it has been easy, because between my PTSD and our baggage, it really hasn’t, but he is worth all the other shit that comes along with him.”

“I have to go do something, but I am glad you are happy, Stiles. You deserve it.”

As much as I want to pretend I don’t know where Jackson’s questions are coming from, I do. It is scary closing your eyes and just letting yourself fall, because you don’t know if the other person will catch you, but Jackson should know that Danny won’t let him down.

Right as Jackson has walked away; Lydia comes over looking like she doesn’t know what to do think about the whole situation. She still looks like her utterly beautiful and cunning self, but she doesn’t have the same in your face attitude she usually brings to the table.

“What did Jackson want?”

“Well, hello to you too, Lydia.”

The look she sends me makes it all too clear that it won’t end well for me if I keep up the sass level, so I take a deep breathe before answering her.

“Jackson wanted reassurance, I think. He might actually be ready to do something about the issues we talked about before…”

“Well, I think you might be right, Stilinski.”

“Huh?”

Lydia points behind me and it turns out to be Jackson walking up to Danny. He is clearly trying to get Danny to go outside with him, but Danny doesn’t look all the perceptive to the idea of leaving the party. Jackson’s frustration and nerves are clearly growing and I really want to help him, but at the same time, he needs to do this on his own if he wants to keep up the progress he is making.

Right when I think Jackson is about to give up and just let the whole thing go, he gets this determined look in his eyes. I think everybody hears it when he mutters fuck it, but I don’t think anybody but Lydia and I saw the next thing happened, because Jackson kisses Danny.

It is not one of those peck-on-the-lips kind of kisses. No, it is a full on kiss and Jackson is doing it openly in front of everybody present, and it feels a little like a fairytale when Danny starts kissing him back. Everybody else in the room looks like a bomb just exploded, but I can feel my heart speeding up, because it is _actually_ _happening_ and Lydia seems to feel the same way because I hear her whispering finally.

“You don’t exactly seem surprised to see them kissing.”

“Jackson broke up with me yesterday and I think what you and Jackson have been up to has been good for him, so in a way I feel like I should thank you for helping him get his head out of his ass about this.”

“He is a good guy…”

“He is and I am not going to pretend that I didn’t want to be the person to finally bring Jackson out of this shell of his, but I love him enough to just want him to be happy.”

“Jackson is lucky to have you and just so you know, Jackson will tell you what we have been up to when he is ready, but it is probably not going to be anything like what you expect.”

“I don’t mind waiting a little longer, because Jackson has come a long way during the last month; he is finally the person I knew he could be when we met all those years ago.”

Right now, Lydia resembles a proud mamma bear watching her cub grow up and I guess in a way their relationship is more like brother-sister than the romantic-kind-of-relationship, we all expected when we saw them. Jackson wanted to believe that he could be that person for Lydia because it makes his life easier, but in the end, I think he will be a lot happier when he has accepted everything.

“Happy birthday, Stiles. You have come a long way during the last few months; you have a gotten great new friends and a seriously handsome boyfriend who seems to worship the ground you walk on and you are going to be valedictorian… your life seems oddly perfect, Stilinski.”

“Yeah, I know…”

“But don’t you dare think about slacking off, Stilinski! I am not giving you that title voluntarily!”

Lydia hugs me before wandering off and I can’t help smiling. She really is something special, but I can’t believe that we are actually something resembling friends. I never thought that would happen. Luckily, for me, I can finally make it to my parents and Derek who are smiling a little more than I like.

“Hey, thanks dad for putting this together for me.”

“Well, we have a lot to make up for, so I am just happy that you are having fun.”

“Dad, I don’t care about making up for anything so long as we are good… we are good right?”

“Of course! I can’t even explain how proud I am of you, Stiles. I can’t even wrap my head around all the good you have done over the last couple of months, and I think we all know that you aren’t going to stop. Now, I will leave you alone with your boyfriend, okay? I know you two have been looking forward to tonight for a while now.”

My dad hugs me tight, before he walks away leaving me alone with my mother and Derek. Neither of them seem particularly comfortable in each other’s presence, but I can tell my mother is making an effort and I appreciate it. We might not be in a great place, but we are moving towards neutral grounds and maybe in time I will be able to look at her and not remember all those painful memories.

“Happy Birthday, Stiles… thank you for inviting me, I know it can’t be easy for you having me here…”

“We said we would make an effort, so thank you for showing up.”

She runs her hand over my cheek and it reminds me so much of whenever she would try to comfort me growing up, and it is odd remembering the good times; the times she was actually there for me, because all the bad ones have been so prominent in my mind for years.

“Will you dance with me?”

Looking up, I see Derek holding out his hand the way they do in those old movies he likes so much. He would kill me if I ever told anyone, but he really is a big romantic. He loves the big gestures and the declarations, but he would never have the guts to make any of his own and I can’t really blame him when all the people he loves have died or betrayed him.

Derek is a surprisingly good dancer and I am not talking about the casually swaying kind of dancing or the grinding kind of dancing. No, I am talking about the fancy-ballroom-ish dancing that nobody my age knows exists anymore, but Derek seems to have a lot of hidden talents.

“I didn’t think you danced.”

“I don’t… my mother made me and Laura take classes when we were younger, but I actually just wanted to get you away from everybody else for a little while.”

“You really are a secret romantic, aren’t you?”

“And I will have to kill you if anybody ever finds out.”

“Right, I will keep that in mind…”

Derek seems lighter than he has in weeks, maybe even lighter than I have ever known him to be. It feels good to be able to joke around with him and have him sarcastically making comments without worrying about saying too much or too little, when he has spent so long avoiding me because of Peter.

“Now, did you see Jackson kissing Danny coming? You didn’t look all that surprised.”

“Let’s just say that I had my suspicions.”

“Does this have anything to do with why you and Jackson have been spending so much time together?”

“No, it doesn’t, well, not directly anyway. You do realize you are sound a little jealous, right?”

Derek looks anything but impressed with my last comment, but I can’t help grinning. I never in a million years thought a guy like Derek would be jealous over me, I mean that doesn’t happen when your boyfriend looks like one of those photo-shopped models, only he isn’t photo-shopped and he is actually my boyfriend.

Because I know it Derek kisses me and even if I know it is to distract me before I make another comment about Derek’s jealous behavior I can’t help but enjoy the hell out of it. Kissing Derek always feels like a high that gets better every time it happens. I am not even sure that is supposed to be possible, but I really do feel like my heart beats faster and my skin becomes more sensitive and legs give out faster every time.

The kiss turns a little more heated than either of us wanted it to be. When we pull apart both our breathing is ragged, Derek’s pupils are blown, and I can imagine my own are as wonderfully dark as his. I never thought I would want another human being the way I want Derek and I sure as hell never thought I would see the same want and love reflected back at me. I mean, this doesn’t happen every day.

“That became a little less innocent that intended.”

“I don’t mind, but what do you say to me stopping by your apartment later so you can make _me_ a little less innocent?”

It is supposed to sound sexy and in my head it really did, but as soon as I have said it I want to run away screaming, because I really do sound like the pathetic teenager that I am. Who even says something like that? I can’t believe _I actually said that!_ It seems that Derek agrees if his expression is anything to go by which doesn’t help with my disappearing courage.

“You are anything but innocent, Stiles.”

“Ha-ha, really funny…”

“All jokes aside though, maybe we should wait…”

“Derek, I am ready and I _want this_ …”

“Stiles, you might be ready but I am not.”

“Derek…”

“No, Stiles, I don’t want to do this because we can or because your teenage hormones are driving you crazy, okay? I want this to be right for both of us…”

Now it is my turn to kiss him to shut him up. I do get a little too caught up in kiss and when I look into Derek’s eyes, I forgot what I wanted to say for a second, before it comes back to me.

“I was going to say that you are worth waiting for before you so rudely interrupted me.”

Then he kisses me and the whole thinking business goes south again. Whenever he touches me I feel like my skin is on fire and my heart is going to burst out of my chest, and the whole kissing thing only makes all coherent thought leave the building because the only thing I can think about is the fact that Derek Hale is actually kissing me and it just doesn’t feel real.

“But are you really okay with waiting?”

“I am not going to lie and say that I am not a little disappointed that it won’t happen tonight like I wanted it to, but I understand where you are coming from. We have both been through a lot lately and I want this to be right too. We deserve that and I love you.”

“I love you too.”

It is strange, but I haven’t thought about the whole prophecy thing for so long that it feels odd how much time I spend worrying about it before. It might seem daunting at first glance, but really, who cares about some stupid old prophecy? In the end, it won’t change how I feel about Derek or the fact that we write our own story anyway. All I need to know is that I love him and he loves me.

I mean; what more do you really need?

 

* * *

 

A few hours later the party is ending. Well, technically it already ended because the only people left are my parents, Derek, Chris, Deaton and me, so you can’t really call it a party as much as a meeting on the supernatural. As soon as the others left they started discussing random subjects that I don’t even want to try to understand right now, but luckily, for me Derek seems more than interested in distracting me.

I didn’t really expect Scott to last as long as he did, but he looked dead on his feet when he left so maybe he pushed himself a little more than he should have. I am guessing Ms. McCall and Allison are going to lecture him on the subject so I will just let it go for now.  

God knows where Jackson and Danny went off to, because they seemed excited about the whole we both have feelings for each other thing, but I am happy for them. They deserve to be happy and maybe Jackson will actually start acting more human around everybody else now too. The rest of them disappeared at some point too, but at least they all seemed to have fun.

It is strange to think that I just had my first birthday party with actual guests that doesn’t only involve Scott and me. The doorbell ringing tears me out of my stream of thoughts, because everybody else seems too engrossed in their discussions to pay any attention to it.

Instead of interrupting them, I kiss Derek once before walking over to open the door. I have to admit I am quite surprised when I see three elderly men standing on the other side looking rather official. For some reason they put me on edge, I can’t explain why, but my instincts seem to tell me they are bad news.

“Do I know you?”

It doesn’t take long before my mother is standing by my side and she doesn’t look pleased to see them. Looking around both Chris and Deaton seem to recognize them too and neither of them seem to have any fondness left over for these people. Who the hell are they?

“You have no business being here!”

“Claudia, we are sorry to disturb you on a day like today, but your son is officially of age; you know what this mean. We need Genim to decide if he wants to take the Aleksy family seat on the Council of Hunters.”

Hearing this man pronounce my name makes my skin crawl and I really want them to leave. From what they just said I realize they are the Council members who everybody have been talking about, the ones who were too scared of Gerard Argent to do the right thing for Derek, Laura and Peter and the ones whose family members have been killed by Peter in revenge. I can’t really muster up much remorse for their situation at the moment because I have a feeling I won’t be getting along with these men much better than Peter did.

“We all know that _Stiles_ accepting that seat would be suicide!”

“We have an obligation to the Hunter Society, Claudia, and things have changed since you abdicated your rights to the seat all those years ago.”

“Things might have changed, but I doubt they have changed that much!”

“Genim, we need you to make a decision, your mother and friends will know how to contact us when you reach your decision.”

They turn around to leave and I have no idea what I am supposed to do or say. Something about them tells me that they are waiting for me to do something or say something, but I don’t know what it is. They have to know that I don’t have a lot of experience with this sort of thing, I mean they didn’t even know I excited until a few months ago from what my mother has told me.

Then it hits me and I can barely say it, because the remorse isn’t as far gone as I thought it was.

“Have any of you lost any family members to the killing spree?”

I can’t get myself to say Peter’s name after hearing Derek say repeatedly that it wasn’t the same man he called his uncle. They clearly know what I am referring to, because they all get this distant expression on their faces before they nod. It becomes clear that no matter what you have done, you don’t deserve to lose your children and I feel ashamed for not empathizing with them. I still don’t like them, far from it, but I can see the pain in their eyes and no one should have to live with that.

As the other two start moving, one of the stays behind and comes back towards me. The determined but hesitant expression on his faces tells me that he expects me to send him packing, but I want to hear him out.

“I just wanted to thank you for stopping him, I couldn’t stand the thought of anybody having to live through losing somebody the way we did… and Happy Birthday, Stiles. I hope we didn’t ruin it.”

For some reason the last comment makes me want to hug him. None of the other two seemed particularly sad to be disturbing someone’s birthday with news like this, but this one actually seems to care. I instantly like him the most for that, even if it doesn’t say much.

After they have left and the door is closed behind the three nameless Council members I turn around. Chris, Deaton and my mother looks angry in a way that I haven’t seen them before, while Derek and my dad look about as confused as I feel, because I really don’t understand what just happened.

“What does this mean?”

“I should have explained this earlier, but I thought I had time before they would should up…”

“Mom…”

“Every Hunter in the main families have to decide whether they want to pursue their family seat on the Council when they become eighteen, because it means they have reached maturity and obtain certain rights. In most families accepting means that you will have to fight in a _barbaric_ tournament, where the winner will have earned the right to the seat, but since you are the only living heir to the Aleksy family seat you won’t have to, thank God…”

“But why would they come here? Why would they want me on the Council? I mean they have to know I probably won’t agree with them on anything really…”

“Because they want you dead, Stiles… they want you gone…”


End file.
